It was bound to happen one of these days...

Yes.

I've grown up.

Allow me to explain. On Saturday my new sitter IM'ed me. "Amy, I'm going to see this band tonight at Webster Hall. It's called Skazi. They sound like this: (see video below, I hope) would you like to come with us? I actually kinda liked it... so I said: What time?" and she said: 2 am.

The thing that you have to know about me is I love to go out. And I remember those days so fondly, and think.. oh... I'd love to do all that again, I just never get the chance! I was ALWAYS the one to be out late. I'd be the last one to leave a party, a bar, a club... I remember going to the after hours gambling place on the Upper East side... (it was so smarmy. Felt like you needed a shower when you left. Windows covered up, so smokey, so much drugs....) and having no problem getting home at 7 am... But ahhh yes... that was THEN.

And this. This is so very now. And here was my aforementioned chance. Unsnatched up.

All I could think of was how crappy I'd feel the next day. Sunday. (Although technically I guess it would be Monday, since the show would have started early Sunday morning....) How I'd want to sleep during the day, but how you never get any real sleep during the day.... and how the kids would come back from X's on Sunday evening ... and how I'd never get a chance to catch up on my sleep... and come Monday I'd be an exhausted cranky wreck. I just didn't want to deal with it.

J's daughter was going to go with her & J was like "Go! Go with them! Watch her! I can't go, she won't let me, but she wants you to come!" I was like "I'm 43! I can't go to Webster Hall! They won't let me in!!" And well... I was only half way kidding... I mean I really know that age doesn't matter... but...

Basically, the spirit was oh so so very willing... but that darn flesh. Weak.

Siiigghhh.... so this is how it ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper....

(Btw - show didn't start 'til 3 am; she got home at 8 am - but she got her photo taken with him..... J's daughter couldn't get in, too young, got home at 1 am.)

The one, the only, the Amazing....

SINGING DARTHS!!

Not to complain or anything...

So ok. I get 641 people who visit my blog the other day. And that's great. But do they come back? No. (They don't write, they don't call...)

BUT - you know what the worst thing is?!? Can I tell you?!? I don't know how many of you have statcounter... but you know how they show you a line graph? To visually show how many people view your blog? Well, when my maximum was like, 20 -- and we're talking average like 12 per day... the scale was normal. Twelve looked like a lot when 20 was the max.

And NOW! NOW! The scale is all off!!! My puny paltry 5 readers? Can't even see 'em.

Suddenly I feel so pathetically..... small.

A High Price for Healthy Food - Well - Tara Parker-Pope - Health - New York Times Blog

A High Price for Healthy Food - Well - Tara Parker-Pope - Health - New York Times Blog

It's what I always say... don't know why they didn't just ask me?!?

!!!!!!!!!!!!

521!!!

Holy Blog hits, Batman!

So, I just happen to take a look at statcounter... see how many people, if any, have taken a look at my blog today...

And what you have to understand is... if TWENTY people look it's a big day. Twenty.

So stand back....

310

Yes.

310.

I posted the web site for toxic toys & apparently it comes up in google searches.

I am so cracking up.

310!

Keep on coming back, y'all!

HealthyToys.org — The Consumer Action Guide to Toxic Chemicals in Toys

HealthyToys.org — The Consumer Action Guide to Toxic Chemicals in Toys

Enter toy. Check for lead.

On to lighter topics...

Love.



That's a nice light one, dontcha think?



So I've been going out w/J for about a year and a half... actually well heck - nearly two years! The whole thing has actually been a wonder to me. A wonder. It's been a year and a half (nearly two years!) of real learning.



I learned, first of all, that I was never in love with X. It's a strange thing to come to terms with, seeing as how I did marry the man and have two children with him... I mean, I thought I was in love with him. I remember thinking: "I want to be with him. I cannot live without him." But it was not love. Perhaps it was possession? Perhaps it was fear of being alone? Perhaps it was years of learning how to date, to flirt, to trying to find a guy in the tough NYC market... finding one and thinking: "Ok, he's cute, he's smart, we click and he's not like the others..." Most likely, like most things, it's a combination of all of that with a few other random neurosis, insecurities, fantasies, etc, etc thrown in for good measure.



But now. First there was the overwhelming feeling. The happiness. The "This Man Is Perfect." The "Nobody Has Ever Felt This Way Before." The "Ok, Maybe You've Been in Love Before, But it's Never Been as Perfect as This." (Jeez, aren't I insufferably smug?)



And now it's changing some more. And I notice it because I know that I was not in love the first time, so I am aware of all the feelings this time. I am hyper aware. Like this is a study I am a part of. (I'm such a romantic!) I notice that when we do things for each other... how the feeling changes. Deepens. Trust gets built. Connections tighten. We argue. We talk. We resolve. We get past it, and another connection gets built. It's alive. It's organic. It's a flowing, changing thing.... this love.



I never knew.



I remember when Nathan was born, and I held him, I had a set of emotions already there. The package. Love. I could feel it. I had gained it through Max, and there it was... ready for Nathan. It was a strange, palpable feeling. Here he is. Here is this Love. I learned a type of love, the maternal love, through Max... even though I loved him right from the start... it was a seed. It grew.

Siiiggghhh..... I don't know. I don't know what the point of all this is... (this post. Nothing deeper than that, folks - just referring to the post!) as often happens with this blog most of this is really just random brain spew. Stuff circulating around in there... looking for some sort of release. But it's good. I'm lucky. I'm happy. It's good.

And oh - for those who are following along... I kept the orange wrap. It's sooooo luxurious... I have officially become a cashmere snob. That's it. Only cashmere for me.

Of Utmost Importance

Ok Bloggy people. Here's the thing. I bought three of these cashmere wraps on sale at Banana Republic. It was originally $99.. and with the sale and coupons I got it for about $50. So I bought three. One for my mom for Hanukkah, one for me (so why not?) and one for my sister for her birthday in March (already got her her Hanukkah present...).

OK. So. I got two in cream/white and one in this...orangish color called "ruddy." It's not a bright orange, but not quite a rust. It's nice.

But here's the thing. I cannot decide which one I want to keep for myself! I. Cannot. Decide.

I think... "Oooh, nice to have a different color, most of the things you own are black, greenish khacki (no idea how to spell that and spell check is of no help!) or grey..." and I also think "this is expensive. I should get something I'd get the most use out of. I should keep the white so I will be assured it goes with everything."

I know. I'm crazy. I'm home today (getting sick & have so much to do with stupid Hanukkah so early this year... wrapping presents... doing paper work, cleaning....) so I have a bit more free time to ponder these weighty, weighty topics.

I was thinking... I could give the white one to my mom... see how it looks on her & then decide which one I want to give my sister... but here's where I just make things more difficult for myself: I. Want. It. Now. Donotwanttowait. WanttowearitrightnowwhenIgopicktheboysupatthebus.

I know. I frustrate myself too.

Thoughts?

eta - just checked BR website - it's already sold out!

Because seeing is believing

The email exchange yesterday between X and I:

ME:
I just tried to phone you. I think we should talk about Hebrew School.

When we were in mediation, and even while we were married you said you supported the children having a Jewish Education. Going to Hebrew school. Being Jewish. Having Bar-Mitzvahs. I understand that you did not expect it to mean Sunday mornings... but that is typically when Hebrew School classes are held.

Also, children typically begin their religious education at kindergarten/first grade.

Max said to me the other night: "When Nathan goes to Hebrew School Dad won't bring him. He'll skip it like he does with me."

I understand if something important comes up and you want to take the boys to that instead of Hebrew School. Those things happen. But not every week. This is now becoming something where Max knows. He sees that you don't support it. That you don't value it. This is not how we agreed to parent. We have to parent together even though we don't live together. This is important.

X:

I do support the boys Jewish identity and education. I never stand in the way around the time of Jewish holidays or significant events like Passover and I don't question their religious (or some may say ethnic) history.

It's just getting up at 7:00 am on Sunday morning to leave by 8:00 is not easy. Especially when it is cold. The commute is about 45 minutes each way-- and requires four trips in all (drop him off/back, pick him up/ back(. Nathan has to accompany me each time and it sucks for him

As for Max, I don't see him from 9:00 to 12:30. And by the time we get back to Sunnyside it can be 1:30.Three and half hours later he's going back to your place.

You can't think this is reasonable. And you can't expect Nathan and I to hang out in Forest Hills while its cold between 9:00 to 12:30. That's not fair to either of us.

I would just tell the boys...dad lives too far away and can't take you (which is true). Otherwise the boys will just think that I can't be bothered going and Hebrew school is not important (which is not true). Also, keep in mind. [girlfriend] and I are thinking of moving to Long Island City. What then?

ME:
They know you are not that far away. THey travel to and from your place. Your not taking Max *does* send the signal that you do not consider it important, as with a little effort you really could take him. THey are smart kids & pick up signals quickly. If it's so difficult for you to get there at 9, if you get him there by 9:30 it's better than if he does not go at all.

Couldn't Nathan stay with {girlfriend]?

Also next year Nathan will be going too, you know

You do not need to bring him every single time, but please - make the effort every once in a while.. especially around holiday time.

In terms of your moving to Long Island City -- that's your decision. THey have things they will need to do on weekends. They will have things they will WANT to do on weekends... (LIttle League, for one) especially as they get older.

HIM:

You have no idea! Very selfish.

ME:
explain.

HIM:

{girlfriend] is not always able to look after Nathan in the morning. Also, I can't depend on this.

You know that it is 45 minutes each trip...and that is a conservative number on Sundays when public transport is at its worst. 45 minutes x 2 = 90 minutes, 45 minutes x 2 = 90 minutes. 90 minutes + 90 minutes = 180 minutes (3 hours).

You're being selfish.

Furthermore, moving to Long Island City. Well, i also have consider [girlfriend's] wants too. And without [girlfriend], I would really be struggling (even unable ) to pay the extracurrular costs for tennis, baseball, afterschool, etc. That would affect you and the kids!!!

ME:

How about this? Can I pay for one way of a car service every other week? $10?

HIM:

The car service is more than you would think. On Thursday mornings when i take the boys to school, it can cost anywhere between $20 to $28 depending on traffic.-

ME:
I can contribute $10 every other Hebrew School day you take/have him

HIM:

My strong recommendation to you is that you should tell the boys the following: "As much as dad has tried, we've come to the conclusion that the Jewish Center is just too far from Sunnyside. Therefore, you'll be going 3 out of every 4 classes. It will also give you more time with dad." Otherwise, it's going to be on again off again (depending on trains, events, etc.) battle as to their attendence; they will forever wonder what the battle is about and question the legitimacy of Hebrew school. Furthermore, they will remember this issue for the rest of their lives
-=-=-=-=-=

So, that's how it's left. There are many points I could have argued with him about.. but through the years I have realized that it just makes no sense. I expend useless energy. I think I have to toss in the towel with this one.... just have to work on losing the anger/frustration.

Divorce

Sometimes it just hits me.

This is my life. I am divorced. The man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life does not live with me.

It's so.... surreal.

Thanksgiving Recap....

(Please allow me to begin by apologizing for the formatting. I know it's going to suck. I have photos. Every time I upload photos the formatting sucks.)

So, the other day, whilst Iman and I were watching the Thanksgiving day parade.... "Stay here" Mrs. David Bowie said to her daughter, as she positioned her on the window next to where we were all watching the Thanksgiving Day parade...

YES!!!! I watched the parade with Iman!

Ok. Slight exaggeration. I was in the same office/floor as Iman. BUT, she was at the same party as I was! And she did leave her daughter off with us!!

Perhaps I should start at the beginning. We went to watch the Parade from J's ex-brother in law's office. His EBIL is the financial manager for many bands including David Bowie, The Police, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen.... You get the picture. J actually told me a story of going to the parade one time & this man turning around and saying to him "Hi, I"m David and this is Iman." Can you imagine?!?! Are you just dying?!?!?

Honestly? I was really holding out for Mick. You can't imagine the fantasies/day dreams I was having up 'til that point. I was actually starting to feel a bit pre-pubescent... Mick......

So anyhow, she came into the cube/office where we were watching the parade, positioned her daughter by the window & said to a friend "if she needs me I'm in the next office." and left. !!!! She was almost talking to me! Almost! Right?!? Like I was right there, and I heard it! Siiiggghhh.... She's actually shorter than I would have thought. She's definitely very beautiful - but didn't have as much of a presence as I guess I thought a super model should/would have...

The rest of the weekend... well... went out to the relatives on Thursday after the parade & that was fun. J went with his family and his girls went with their mom. It was strange. This post-divorce life. Next year Ex will get the boys (if he wants them...) for Thanksgiving & I'm already anticipating how difficult it will be for me... J and I decided, though, that from now on at least he and I will be together for the holidays. I never had to split the holidays before... with Ex being from NZ... not being born Jewish... I pretty much got all my family all the time... So I don't think I was ready to give them up this time. But, after leaving him, being all day with out him AND having all my relatives say "Where's your boyfriend?!?" It made me think. We have to have at least that constant in our lives... even if our children are all over.

AND - well - we nearly lost our gerbil. Shadow. Came home Tuesday and poor Shadow was nearly immobile! I thought we'd come back after Thanksgiving to who knows what in the cage... but - came in Saturday morning & there was Shadow! Running around! It was a Thanksgiving Miracle!!! I have no idea, but I do know that my older son has a definite flair for the melodramatic. He sent his Dad emails entitled: "Death" and "Sorrow" and told me that he saw Shadow's soul passing out of his body...

Today, right before bed, Max said: "Ok. I'm taking a stand! No More Hebrew School on Sundays! I don't want to go! It's my time with Dad! And Dad lied to you last week. He said that the trains weren't working & that he couldn't take me, but it was because he promised me that he wouldn't take me - I didn't want to go."

You know, it takes quite a bit for me to become speechless.

So I just said "You know what, Max, I want to be the best Mom to you that I can - I want to do the best job I can possibly do - and that means making sure you get the best education and that I do the right things. I know that your going to Hebrew School is the best thing for you right now - so I have to do my job and make sure you go." He started to talk some more & I just said "You know what, honey, I don't want to talk about this any more. I'm getting upset."

That bastard.

The new sitter seems to be ok... we have to speak a bit slowly, as her English is a bit rusty... but I figure that will get better with time. I just got an email from the my old sitter telling me that she's home sick... She can't go back to Brazil for five years -- until she gets her green card... I had to explain to her, the other day, about us being Jewish. I said "you know, we don't celebrate Christmas..." and that while we believe that Jesus was a good man, etc, etc.. just not that he was G-d. We're still waiting for that. She was a bit stunned. I said we have the same Old Testament... The Jews, Christians and Muslims - all the same - then we split off. Then she said "what about Easter..?" And I was like "Nope. You know.. Jesus..."

But then she asked lots of interesting and good questions & was very comfortable with it. It's funny, in NYC you get used to everybody knowing about Jews and Judaism... but elsewhere I realize that many people thing we just go to a different church - and that's it. Can't really conceive that people do not believe in Jesus...

I actually love talking about religion. I know that it's something you're not supposed to talk about: religion and politics... and I love talking about both. I love talking about things that make us all different - in a way that acknowledges that, but doesn't judge it. We are all different & I think that by NOT talking about it.. but not acknowledging the elephant in the room (at times...) we make things more difficult for ourselves.

Illegal immigrant rescues boy in desert - Yahoo! News

Illegal immigrant rescues boy in desert - Yahoo! News

This just touches me so much.... and imagine - this boys father died two months ago.....

Just some stuff that happened yesterday...

I had the lovely experience of having my work phone pressed to my right ear, listening to music, on hold with Social Security for a client... all the while having my cell phone pressed to my left ear, listening to my older son scream how he did not want to go to Hebrew School today.

Honestly. You have not lived until you have gone through that wonderful stereophonic experience.

Max's woke up crying yesterday. He did not want to go to Hebrew School. And yes I know, it sucks to have to go to 2 1/2 hours of school after school. I know it. And he's too young to realize the benefit of education for education's sake. (Heck, some people never get it...) But. His dad does not bring him every other Sunday. He learns new stuff every class. I cannot let him stay home, he will miss too much, fall too far behind, and then really be upset.

Also, since X does not support it, I have the wonderful experience of having it all fall on these little shoulders.

And yesterday... well... it all just got to be a little too much. He was crying. He was begging. Pleading.

I said I need a reason. Why? "It's weird." Hmmm.... Ok. How do you feel about being Jewish? "Ok." He said. Then I listed all his friends who go to the other, Reform, Hebrew School (and we don't go there simply because I don't have a car & I know I will not walk there on a snowy Sunday morning...), and all the people he knows who go to Hebrew School. I said, you know, it's considered "weird" to be Jewish and NOT go.

I asked how he felt about the work. How he felt about the kids in his class (one boy keeps "shushing" him - which I think is kinda funny, considering how... errr... vocal he is!) and there was really nothing that was too off. He just Does. Not. Want. To. Go.

And oh. Have I mentioned that this only happens the Tuesdays after he's with his Dad?

So, he ended up going. The poor sitter, on her second day, was able to get him there. But I can't deal with this all the time. I'm so angry at X for putting this all on me. And it's not a religious thing. True, X was not born Jewish - but I think it's really just a respect for religion. You don't need to be the same religion to understand the importance of it in some people's lives.

When I worked at the student exchange agency and we had to place religious Muslims with religious Christian families... and the families were freaking out... "they pray 7 times a day!" We would explain - but yes, look at how they feel about religion. The respect it. They understand it. They understand how you feel about it. A religious person of a different religion would be a better fit than a non-religious person of the same.

Ack! So where am I going with this? I don't know. X has no respect for anything or anyone outside himself. And that's it. He has no empathy at all. He is all, ultimately, just for himself. So how do I get through to him how this impacts Max? Me? He won't care. He can't be bothered getting up on Sunday mornings & Max has totally picked that up.

It's in the agreement - "father will transport children to religious education..." but I've decided that this is not to the point of me entering a court battle.

So now I'm tossing around the idea.... giving X money for a taxi one way? $10? I feel like I"m totally selling out... but I need to not have this stress in my life & money is the one thing X does understand...

So. We'll see. I'm thinking.

On a lighter note - the new sitter started Monday. She has been with my old one, who has been training her. My new sitter is from Brazil. My old sitter is from Colombia (her parents. She was born here.) And. They have become friends!!!! My new sitter has no family here, and cannot leave the country for five years in order to get her green card. My new sitter invited her over tonight! She is going to spend Thanksgiving with her family! They are going shopping together on Friday! I made a shidduch! I'm just so happy about this I cannot tell you! Plus it re-affirms to me the decisions I made about the quality of the people I hired to care for my children...

So cool.

Tonight we're going into Manhattan to watch them inflate the balloons for the Macy's Day Parade. It's always a mad house.. We'll see. Then we're staying over J's and tomorrow going to his X brother in law's to watch the parade!! X and his girlfriend were supposed to come with us tonight, but surprise of surprises... he bailed.

And oh. X is engaged.

I survived!!

Errr yeah. I did. But I'll tell ya', there's nothing like going to a Bat-Mitzvah with 30 thirteen year olds to make you feel really old! Oy, the loud music! Oy, what these kids listen to these days! Oy, what they wear!

I'm cool, huh?

And I survived the small talk. I smiled a lot. And his family are all so, so nice and welcoming... it's really special and I'm very lucky.

It was strange though. I have to say. I was keenly aware of being the "girlfriend". I had met most of his family, but had never been in this situation before. A situation as early as six months ago he would have brought his (soon to be) ex wife. (They were trying, are trying, to still do stuff together - for the kids....) I'm not her. (I know, no shit.) But I really felt my Not-Her-ness.

Totally all my issue, really - as like I said they were so welcoming... but. I felt it.

They were all called up from the table where we were sitting for a "family" photo. Ummm... I just didn't know what to do. They got up. I sat there. At the table. J's sister came back to get me. (Apparently she said to him: "Why is Amy there?" And he's great, but... you know..... sorry guys, but he's a guy. He didn't think. So she went to get me.) I nearly cried. The whole thing was just so overwhelming.... in their family? Not in their family? Then when it was obvious that that was how I was considered... the whole overwhelming-ness of that.....

And being with his daughters. In the apartment. I'm with two little boys most of the time... and it was so cool getting dressed with them! With girls! His older daughter telling me that I'm younger than the dress I chose to wear (which is kinda what I thought... it was a little matronly...) - which was so nice to hear!

So, there's ANOTHER Bat-Mitzvah in two weeks (my birthday weekend, btw!) and I don't think I'll be nearly as nervous... I don't think I'll be able to. Apparently there will be over ONE HUNDRED kids.

Can I say that again?

Over one hundred kids.

Pray for me.

Tomorrow I am going to a Bat Mitzvah for J's cousin's daughter. I haven't been to a Bat Mitzvah in years, because nobody in my family is in that age group... And. Well. I'm a little nervous.

I don't really like social events. I'm not a good small talker. I'm not a good small talker with people I know.... now with people I don't really know....!

I know. I'm in my 40s (I'm in my 40s!!!!) - I should be able to deal by now. But.... can I say this again? I'm not a good small talker. I hate it. I can have a long and deep discussion with you about world peace, the state of health insurance in the US, anything... but the "Lovely weather we're having" stuff... I always feel like I get stuck.

And honestly? I know that it's a learned skill. And I don't kid myself - I know it's probably a confidence thing, too... But.

And.

All the weight I lost over the summer? Came back in September. That one stressful month... I'm not a tub by any means... but things just aren't fitting me right. And I can't seem to get the weight back off. (And I know, this is totally a theme of this blog. I should re-frame this as Come On Along and join me on as I complain about my weight but really seem to do nothing about it...)

(I'm starting to think that perhaps I should embrace this in my 40s thing and realize that maybe I'm not really able to wear the same sort of clothes I did in my 20s and 30s? Although there's really no reason why I shouldn't feel/look good in a pair of jeans. Even high waisted ones. [NOT Mom jeans! No! No elastic waists!!!])

So, you know that feeling when you're going into a situation where you don't feel 100% comfortable mentally... and then you don't feel 100% comfortable physically, either? I'm just feeling kinda awkward. Shy. Not going into the situation like a Master of the Universe. Like if I felt I looked good, I can just say fuck 'em. I look good. They'll want to talk to me 'cause I look so good.

Yeah. I know. Any issues much? But this is my blog & I have to be honest. (Or, well, I want to be.) That's how I feel. Feel good about myself... all the rest just falls into place. And feeling good about myself is really just so connected to my weight.

Siiiggghh... So. I'm sure it will be fine.

Just feelin' a little nervous.

Just keeps on coming back...

Just when I think this divorce stuff is over....

Yesterday I went to the kids' parent teacher conference. X went on his own - for the evening session - since I had the day off & it was too difficult to negotiate the evening with Hebrew School, dinner, babysitter interviews, etc, etc, etc.

So.

Max is doing very well academically and socially. His behavior... well... he's easily distracted & just likes to get the work done.... doesn't really focus. I'm not so upset about it, though. This is who he is. He's doing well. He's not disrupting the class. (True he annoys the teacher.. but this is her 2nd year with him, she should know him by now!) So fine.

But.

I'm going through his folder of his written work. Stories. And there's one that goes something like this: "One day, when I was three years old, my mom and dad had a big fight. They went into a room and when they came out my mom told me that my dad would be moving out. I was very sad, My mom said it wasn't my fault and that I would still see my dad."

Uh huh.

And, X told me (the teacher told him) that Max read this to the class.

I guess I'm glad that he's able to get it out, to talk about it, and that he's not ashamed. Although that's not exactly how it happened.. we didn't really fight... but it's how he sees it.

Nathan is also doing very well, but his teacher tells me he's still really nervous. That sometimes he even shakes! He is SO worried he is going to get into trouble! And he's not like Max. He's much more controlled. So we've been talking about that. His teacher is great, though, talks to him, is communicative with me, and is even going to move one of his friends to his table! It's so comforting that he has a teacher that cares.

And ALSO - when I mentioned to her that sometimes it's difficult to find the time, in the evenings, to practice his writing - she understood! She's young, but she said "I know, it must be difficult working all day, single mom..." And it was so nice to not feel like I'm ...... lacking. That she recognizes it and doesn't think I'm not involved. (Ok, so that's my projection/guilt!)

Both kids need help with their penmanship. Any of you who have ever seen my handwriting will understand that this apple is NOT falling far from my tree. My handwriting's awful. Max actually makes me re-write notes I send to his teacher - and sometimes I just type them.

I figure we'll just set up nightly penmanship classes. For all of us.

I'm so excited!!!

I interviewed the BEST babysitter tonight! I'm so psyched! I just offered her the job pending checking one more of her references.

She is 24, studying marine biology (marine biology!!) at NYU, has worked with kids, plays basketball, guitar, totally engaged my kids, loves animals....

You know, I interviewed somebody last night who was perfectly fine.... but something was just holding me back... It wasn't that "this is the ONE" feeling.

Now I have it.

(Doing happy dance!)

Whatta waste

I'm off today. The kids have a half day (parent-teacher conferences) and nobody to pick them up at 11:50 (ugh! One hour! I only have one hour left!!!)

So, I've been cleaning up/out their room.

I've been doing it little by little for a while. We're having a flea market ("Flea Boutique" thank you very much!) at work so I've basically supplied ALL toys.

And now I'm going through the room with a garbage bag. I'm on my second. And let me emphasize that I do not throw out things easily. I'm a semi-hoarder. So, you can imagine what they have in there!

(Hey, do you think I could donate a puzzle missing one piece? To the flea market? It's only one piece....)

But can I just tell you what a huge, massive, colossal waste those hot wheels cars and tracks are? They, quite literally, were played with one time. That's it. Then the tracks are put away & nobody can be bothered to put the tracks back together again. They sit. They get pushed back. They are forgotten.

And today? They're garbage.

So weird

So I've never saved anything as a draft before & then posted it later... just did that today & first I thought it disappeared! Then I saw that it actually posted on the day I first saved it...

What sense does that make? What if I want to write it one day and not post it 'til the next?

What am I missing here?