Oh, my aching brain...

So if any of you have read over there X has told me that he will no longer pay what we agreed upon was his share of child care. He reduced it by a few hundred. Plus made a few other cuts. I told him I don't agree, and he said he's getting an attorney.

He said that I am "selfish" "illogical" "greedy" and obviously don't care at all about his "standard of living." Yep. That's what he said. He doesn't want to deal with my selfishness for the next 20 years.

Funny, because all I'm asking for is the state mandated minimum.

And I'm sorry if it makes life difficult for him - but the other way makes life difficult for ME - and that in turn makes life difficult for the kids.... Soooo... well given that equation, I guess the three of us come out ahead.

But of course, in true X fashion he sent me another email last night with a new negotiation figure. After he said he would not negotiate any more. I'm realizing that what he wants is a guarantee that what I spend on child care won't go above a certain number - so that he will know what he's in for. He wants certainty. But then, don't we all? And I don't know what I'm going to find in terms of child care - and I don't know how much it's going to cost.... so how can I agree to that?

He's so inconsistent & really doesn't know what he wants himself... just that he wants to feel secure with his money.

Part of me so wants to just hand this all over to an attorney... just sit back and let that person take care of it all... But another part doesn't want to go that route... the anger, the mistrust, the non-communication - the possible involvement of the kids... also, of course there's the money. But shit - we've probably spent that much with all the mediation. Glad that was money put to good use. At least most of it was from our joint funds...

I'm going to call an attorney today - but also have to think of all the repercussions... pro and con.

I really, really, REALLY just want all this shit to be overwith already.