I know, I know - it wouldn't be a week without a posting about X's annoyances.... I do feel a bit repetitive with these posts... but for some reason it's therapeutic for me to get it out. Maybe to have witnesses? Validation? To vent? I don't know. I haven't hyper-analyzed myself enough about that. Give it time. I'll find out.
BUT - X called yesterday. He can't take the kids tonight. He's going on a business trip (Chicago!) and needs to prep. Also, he's anxious about his job (ie thinks he might lose it. Wait. How many jobs has he lost? That's right, I've lost count, too...) so really wants to be ready for it.
J and I have tickets for a show tonight. I haven't seen J in a week. I say to X - can't your fiance pick them up? He says no. That it's "not her responsibility." Huh? Ummm... aren't you marrying her? But no. It's not her responsibility. So then I say... "well, I'm sure if you don't go the 'responsibility' route & just ask her to do you a favor this once..." Nope. "How about asking if she'd do ME a favor?!?" Nope.
So I guess the crux of this is... as usual - he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get what being a parent is. He can (and does) love them... but sometimes it's not convenient.. and you STILL have to deal with them. And he has two people - two grownups - at his place. But it's still his job, his responsibility, his right and his privilege to see them once a week -- and if something gets in the way of that - he will let that take priority. NOT his kids and their need to see him. And NOT his job as a parent.
And you know what else? Pretty much every week he tries to get out of seeing them. Last week - he was really anxious about the job thing... felt that he couldn't handle having them. I told him we had plans (we didn't) and he took them. THe week before.. it was something... but I made him take them. So every week we really don't know from one day to the next if he's going to take them or not. Don't even know why I bother. I should just go back to him just having them every other weekend.... a little less stress in my life. (But of course, the kids like to see him...)
My sister will watch the kids tonight when we go see the show....
April 1st
7 months ago
Posts
6 comments:
Ah, that sucks. Like you said, he's too immature to be a dad. Too bad for him - and especially for the kids, who want to go see him.
Heidi
I'm so sorry...that sucks, it does, for you, and my heart breaks for those kids. Although I expect they'll be practical about it. X sounds like a child, so into his own POV he can't see past his nose. Too bad.
Ooh! Do ya think he'll look me up while he's here?
Just to play devil's advocate (my favorite game; yip!): if you didn't have plans tonight would it be as big a deal? Are you that comfortable with his fiancee taking care of your children exclusively (even if she might do a better job; even if she is with them plenty)? I mean, I know that X is a douche bag of extraordinary proportions. Maybe because he's let you, but more importantly, his kids, down so many times, it all just gets lumped together as selfish behavior. Kind of like the boy who called wolf .....
oh, man. he sounds uncomfortably like my own dad.
i'm sorry, for your sake, and especially for the kids' sake.
I nearly passed out when you said, "I should just go back with him.......taking them every other weekend." For a moment there I thought you had cracked under the pressure!
Aren't sisters nice? Yours must be a great one. You now owe her of course!
That does stink. I have to say, I can relate a bit because I'm always having to travel last minute or work late or have Clients who want to go out. I hate it but there are too many unavoidable times when I've committed to be home and can't. When that happens I ask my husband if he can do it, if not I ask the nanny to stay. If she can't I call and see if I can call in friend favors or often I've gone home and then returned to work. No matter the solution, the point is, even if I can't help not being there, it's my responsibility to find a solution. Seems like that's the point he's missing.
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