Going on the bus

I love this.... Together. The two of them....

Happy Monday

Isn't that a song? Oh. Maybe it's Blue Monday? Who knows.

Migraine lasted 'til about mid-day Saturday. I didn't fast in the morning, and actually I think it made it go away faster.

I'm confused about taking kids to religious services. Or, I should say, religious services that last more than 1 1/2 hours. Do people do it? Can people do it? And by kids I guess I should say young kids - like below the age of 10.

We got to my parents' synagogue @ 10:45 am, family service from 10:30-11:30. Max has this sullen thing going. "I don't like it. I'm not going to like it. It's silly." He will not engage. I allow it, but tell him he has to stand when we stand and no - cannot play with the toys in the back of the room. Nathan, by the end, is clapping with the songs.

We go up to the main service to sit with my parents, siblings & uncle. Kids are promptly all over me. Sitting on my lap, leaning on me. One on each side. Could. Not. Stand. It.

I don't know. Was it compassion fatigue? (Ok, maybe a bit extreme.) Was it the migraine? Was it semi-fasting? But they were driving me crazy. I could not tolerate them hanging on me! "Go! Sit with Grandma! Hang on her!" "Noooo...... we want YOU!"

We sat through the rabbi's sermon & even through his sullenness... Max was listening. The rabbi talked about the power of prayer, and how when he was a kid he said the "Shema" and how he felt it kept a dog away from him. Max was enthralled. So, maybe the whole thing was worth it? For those 5 minutes?

But, we left at about 12:30 before my head exploded.

Went back to my parents' house & then they came home @ the break time - 2 pm. We went back again for shofar blowing, havdalah & breaking the fast - at about 7ish (fast ends 7:44 pm - although I've found out that it's different everywhere? Like, within the same time zone? How could that be? Isn't that standardized? Heck - I'm going to find me an earlier synagogue!!)

Nathan went back before us - with my uncle.

I walk in and see him.... I'm not sure how to describe this... on his hands and knees going around in circles... kind of reminded me of break dancing - on the side aisle. On the floor. My dad, and uncle are staring straight ahead, listening to the rabbi... and Nathan's spinning like a top out of control.

I join the grown-ups & Max joins Nathan. I sit, I stand. I listen. I pray. My kids spin. I kid you not. I though... "Hmmm... maybe I'm on to something here?" I'm not sure how much they were disturbing the others. I kept them quiet. They just spinned. (Ok, they rolled a bit, too... but when they started to battle I put a stop to that. "No battling at synagogue! Have to have some standards, you know." I mean, I don't know.... if they sit with me I don't get to be involved in the service at all.... and I think what is the point? Why am I here? And I know that it's important to bring them... so they learn, so they feel part of a community...

And they learn how to do a pretty good spin.

Woke up this morning....

With the beginnings of a migraine. Not so surprising. Although I was beginning to think that the migraines were just purely hormonal - happening the first Tuesday right after my period. (Really. They've been like clockwork, thank you peri-menopause....) So I'm not quite sure what's going on here..... middle of the cycle? Or just purely stress related? (Although if that's the case, honestly, why don't I have them every day?!?!) And you know what my very first thought was?!? OK - second after I realized "oh shit - better get up and take an Advil right this very second!" Maybe I won't have to fast this Yom Kippur. Yes. I'm such a good Jew.

OK. Lest the five people who read this blog think that my life is entirely doom and gloom, I'm going to write what I actually was planning to write about yesterday morning. After leaving the kids at school, when I actually began the day with a smile on my face. (Really. Walking down the street with a little grin!)

A big thing that's been going on in my life lately is getting my kids to school. Sounds trivial, I know... but I've lost my full time sitter AND they changed the start time of school from 8 am to 8:40 am. When I first knew I'd no longer have the sitter to take the kids to the bus or school in the morning I told my supervisor I'd probably be in by about 9:15 am... bus comes about 7:5-8:00 am... But then. Right. Time change.

So I've spent the past few months trying to work out solutions to not getting into work too late, and if I do... not having to stay too late to make up the time. I worked out a sort of convoluted plan to work later one day a week... BUT - the bus has been coming at the usual time... so it's been OK.

Now it seems they've changed it. There are two bus pick up times.... one at 7:50 - that's for the Extended day kids - so they get into school at the old 8 am time.... and one is 8:20 am.... for the "regular" kids. So, which bus do I put them on? Early, have them sit inside the school building (aides won't let them outside) so I can get to work on time, or later - which is better, but gets me to work later.... (This is getting really long. Sorry! But you know, I feel like you might need some background for this...)

SO - here's the thing. Max does not want to take the bus. At all. He wants to walk. He wants to get to school early so he can hang out with his friends outside and play ball. And the thing with this is - it has taken him up until this year to make a group of friends. He's social & everybody likes him... but he hadn't really connected with a "friend." At his last birthday party, he only wanted to invite two people and he has little or no play dates. So I'm really happy that he's settling in. The two boys he plays with are not in his class - so he only sees them before school, lunch and after....

So OK. Max wants to walk. But if we get there that early that means that Nathan... who is not yet so comfortable there - has to get there early and sit in the cafeteria. With the breakfast kids and any early kindergarten kids. It's isolating and a bit scary.

ALSO - walking them, or bringing them a bit later as a compromise messes MY schedule and brings me into work later. So there's that. A mix where really nobody is entirely happy.

BUT - yesterday (missed the bus) I bumped into Max's friends mom. The dad walks him to school Mon-Wed, she brings him Thurs - Friday. She said to me "Hey, how about I walk Max and Nathan when I go in with B?" I can stay here with them, watch them, then drop Nathan off when it's time to go in?"

Can I tell you? Can I just tell you? There I was, wracking my brain, trying to figure this all out... figuring I'd just have to be late to work every day, work later, so I could walk them every once in a while, so Max could have his social time and Nathan won't be there so early.... and wouldn't that totally, totally suck... and Poof! Solution!

So now, Mon-Wed they take the bus, and Thurs - Friday they walk. They all get to play outside (and can I also tell you about the heart swelling moment yesterday, when Nathan was playing ball with the "big kids" and me realizing how nice Max is... letting Nathan play with them, encouraging him... And Max's friends... also not saying "Max, why is your little brother playing with us?!?" But also encouraging him... Max waited a while to find friends... but they're good ones.)

So, the mom said "you can go, I'll watch them, I'll drop Nathan off..." and I left. Huge grin on my face Feeling really good. Thoughts like "it does take a village" and "sometimes things do work out" and "things are finally clicking" and "this will be a good year" floating through my head. And how I have to write about this in my blog... it just feels so good.... this moment...

Then of course the rest of the day happened - that I wrote about below. But I want it noted for the record that it started off perfectly fine, and that I'm really not as depressing as this blog might seem. Really! You can ask anyone! (Except all the people I complain to!)