Happy Monday

Isn't that a song? Oh. Maybe it's Blue Monday? Who knows.

Migraine lasted 'til about mid-day Saturday. I didn't fast in the morning, and actually I think it made it go away faster.

I'm confused about taking kids to religious services. Or, I should say, religious services that last more than 1 1/2 hours. Do people do it? Can people do it? And by kids I guess I should say young kids - like below the age of 10.

We got to my parents' synagogue @ 10:45 am, family service from 10:30-11:30. Max has this sullen thing going. "I don't like it. I'm not going to like it. It's silly." He will not engage. I allow it, but tell him he has to stand when we stand and no - cannot play with the toys in the back of the room. Nathan, by the end, is clapping with the songs.

We go up to the main service to sit with my parents, siblings & uncle. Kids are promptly all over me. Sitting on my lap, leaning on me. One on each side. Could. Not. Stand. It.

I don't know. Was it compassion fatigue? (Ok, maybe a bit extreme.) Was it the migraine? Was it semi-fasting? But they were driving me crazy. I could not tolerate them hanging on me! "Go! Sit with Grandma! Hang on her!" "Noooo...... we want YOU!"

We sat through the rabbi's sermon & even through his sullenness... Max was listening. The rabbi talked about the power of prayer, and how when he was a kid he said the "Shema" and how he felt it kept a dog away from him. Max was enthralled. So, maybe the whole thing was worth it? For those 5 minutes?

But, we left at about 12:30 before my head exploded.

Went back to my parents' house & then they came home @ the break time - 2 pm. We went back again for shofar blowing, havdalah & breaking the fast - at about 7ish (fast ends 7:44 pm - although I've found out that it's different everywhere? Like, within the same time zone? How could that be? Isn't that standardized? Heck - I'm going to find me an earlier synagogue!!)

Nathan went back before us - with my uncle.

I walk in and see him.... I'm not sure how to describe this... on his hands and knees going around in circles... kind of reminded me of break dancing - on the side aisle. On the floor. My dad, and uncle are staring straight ahead, listening to the rabbi... and Nathan's spinning like a top out of control.

I join the grown-ups & Max joins Nathan. I sit, I stand. I listen. I pray. My kids spin. I kid you not. I though... "Hmmm... maybe I'm on to something here?" I'm not sure how much they were disturbing the others. I kept them quiet. They just spinned. (Ok, they rolled a bit, too... but when they started to battle I put a stop to that. "No battling at synagogue! Have to have some standards, you know." I mean, I don't know.... if they sit with me I don't get to be involved in the service at all.... and I think what is the point? Why am I here? And I know that it's important to bring them... so they learn, so they feel part of a community...

And they learn how to do a pretty good spin.

The Week That Was (Part 2)

You can see a pattern to this, right? I start off first thing in the morning, then the next post is at night? Well, if you don't see it - that's the pattern.

Ok. Next.

So I wrote about the first night over on Xanga (think the link's listed on the sidebar, for all you interested people. Two of you.) now's the one you've all been waiting for! Come on, don't be shy! YOu know!! Meeting J's parents!! The seder at his sister's house!!

So I was pretty, kinda, sorta, a little... errr... nervous. He picked us up at my parents' house, I had a backpack packed with everything my kids could ever want in the span of a four hour dinner, and the giant box of handmade matzah.

And, you know what, guys - this is really going to be a very boring post. It was totally cool. Totally relaxed. Totally normal. My kids could NOT have been better (ok, except for Nathan's constant fake burping & "excuse me's" but people thought it was cute... so it passed. Once they get to know him, they might not really think so - but it's the honeymoon period.)

His parents are very nice, all the people there were very nice - we all felt very comfortable. Nathan got right into it & to my extreme embarassment had no qualms about adressing J's father by his first name.

The honeymoon period.

AND - the topping on the Kosher for Passover Cake - at the end of the night J's mom told me that she "approved!" I passed!!!

Passover Part Two

I wrote about Passover part 1 - over on Xanga --- but here's part two.

The second night of Passover - for the second seder - we will be going to J's sister's house. I will be meeting his parents & his neices. My boys will be meeting his parents & his neices. For the first time. At the seder. A nice, calm relaxing first meeting - dontcha think?

I mean, I'm nervous and I'm not. I suppose I would have preferred meeting his parents first - just the four of us - before this. Before I have to have five eyes to keep on my kids who will be in a strange house, with strange things and people they have not met before.

No pressure, or anything.

And that's not to mention that this will be the first time my kids will be sitting through BOTH parts of the seder.... so imagine, if you will... sitting at a table (albeit with food, singing, etc, etc) for a good three hours or so. My kids. While a service is going on.

No pressure, or anything.

So, we'll be going there the second night... and I'll be meeting his parents, watching my kids, worrying about their behavior, worrying about them eating, worrying about my behavior, worrying about my eating... worrying about the state of the world we live in, worrying if the gerbil is ok, worrying about US debt, worrying about if they spill something on the table, worrying about if I left the coffee pot on....

No pressure, or anything.

I'm joking. Half joking. I'm a little bit worried about all this... I mean, it will be a lot - but then I just have to realize that they're kids, that his family are probably all very nice & oh - have a few glasses of wine.

Listen the Shofar Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur and the Jewish month of Elul שופר

The shofar is used mainly at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It is blown in synagogues to mark the end of the fast at Yom Kippur, and blown at four particular places at Rosh Hashanah. Because of its inherent ties to the Days of Repentance and the inspiration that comes along with hearing its piercing clasts, the shofar is also blown after morning services for the entire month of Elul (excluding Shabbath), which is the last month in the year but the sixth of the Jewish months which are counted from Nisan. It is not blown on the last day of month, however, to mark the difference between the voluntary blasts of the month and the mandatory blasts of the holiday. Shofar blasts are also used during penitential rituals such as Yom Kippur Katan and optional prayer services called during times of communal distress. It is also commonly blown to signify the beginning of worship at Karen Wheaton's ministries The Ramp. The exact modes of sounding can vary from location to location. The shofar is now almost never used outside these times, though has been seen in western classical music on a limited number of occasions. The best known example is to be found in Edward Elgar's oratorio The Apostles, although an instrument such as the flugelhorn usually plays the part instead of an actual shofar.

Pppppassssssover

So, this will be the third year that we wll be celebrating Passover without the X. The first year he didn't want to come... felt too uncomfortable - and the second year my Dad suggested an invitation & I wondered (outloud) if perhaps he had been out in the sun too long.

Not that we don't do stuff together -the X and I - we do. Well, less than we did before, but we still both do stuff that will actively support the kids. But this... the seder... too personal. Actually, just too much still in the family circle.

Because, ultimately you could still be friends (or friendly, I suppose) with an X - but I do think you lose the right to be an intimate: to still be a part of that family circle.

I'm still in touch with the X's family... I try to send them photos of the kids, keep them updated on what's going on with them... -- but do I tell them the family gossip? Do I still think of them as "intimates?" No. I don't. I like them - and know they'll always be around because of the kids... but that's it.

And, I've been realizing, that I've been measuring time like this: College, post-college, pre-X, X, and post- X. Those are all such distinct times in my life. Each one so different - and also *I* was so different. Each one a growth and change -- that I feel has been drastic. And, I'm thinkin' that the post college/pre-X, and post-X times have been the best. Oooh, you're saying - what does that say about your marriage?

Not a whole heck of a lot.

Things have, really, for all the chaos and tummult (is that a word?) been so good post-X. I've had enough amazing times and experiences and revelations, and feelings.... that.... well.... maybe I can't even put it into words.

And of course, it's not done yet.

Why is this Night....

Tonight's the first night of Passover. It's a great holiday, oriented towards family and food - two of my favorite things!!

If hard-pressed to give a quick explanation of the holiday, I'd say just watch The Ten Commandments. We used to have huge Passover Seders - one at my Aunt & Uncle's and one at my parents. Now it seems that our family has split - the "religious right" have one together, and the rest of us (The Looney Left?) have our own.

This year it's gotten even smaller....

Each year we do the same things - laugh at the same jokes, make the same stupid comments.... making the holiday our own. I struggle to make the seder gender neutral (instead of "and He said..." I'd say "and G-d said..." and instead of "our forefathers" it becomes "our ancestors." A futile attempt, at best - but makes me laugh.