New Years Weekend

I know, I know, you've all been waiting for the New Year's Post. Sorry it's taken so long. As it is I should be making the kids lunch now... but here I am... blogblogblogging.

X took the kids Thursday night, I stayed up late watching Taxi Driver. Really just to keep tormenting J by saying "You talkin' to ME?!" (Have I ever mentioned that it doesn't take too much to keep me amused?) Friday after work went over to J's. Saturday we went to the Whitney Museum to see the Edward Hopper exhibit, and stayed up latelatelate talking. It was really nice.

Sunday morning I had the experience I wrote about here - which wasn't the best, but certainly gave me lots to think about. Then went bowling at Chelsea Piers w/J's younger daughter. Then met his older daughter and her friend at Whole Foods for dinner.(Yes, it's a super market - but they have a whole prepared food section & a salad bar)

Now, I know some people are expecting me to write about how I feel that Whole Foods is classist (along with the whole health food industry. salads so much more expensive than junk food... Whole Foods only in very well off areas... etc.) or about how pissed off I was that they do not have artificial sweetener to put in their coffee. (Me: You're out of Sweet and Low. Pimply Boy Behind Counter: No, we're not. Me: (realizing) You. Do. Not. Offer. Artificial Sweetener?!?!? PBBC: No. Me: (muttering to self) Health food Nazis... what if I was diabetic....) but I'd like to instead focus on two other things that happened.

The first was, as we were going into WF J's older daughter called - could we eat there instead of bringing the food back up to the apartment? (We had planned to pick stuff up, had bottle of wine, hang out at apt & have New Year's Eve dinner.) J asked me - do I mind. Two thoughts, running concurrently in my mind: Do I mind?!? Do I mind?!? Eating our first New Year's Eve Dinner in a super market?!?! Ack!! and Nah, I don't mind... doesn't matter. It's only dinner. It's only one New Year's Even Dinner in what I hope will be many many...

Now, what you have to understand about me is I am really able to have those two very opposite thoughts in my head at the same time. They live there. They battle it out. But, it's on the surface where the funky stuff happens. I say "No, it's fine." But my face is probably a mask of annoyance. He asks again - is it OK? "Yes, yes - really, it's fine." Unable to make eye contact. And it really IS ok... but my face and my behavior just can't go along with that to make it so.

I felt so silly. It really was SUCH a little deal... but... you know... first New Year's Eve Dinner & all...And then I'm not even going to talk about how they abandoned me in the salad bar section. I wandered around, and around and around.... feet becoming blistered from all the walking, arms becoming stiff from carrying the salad on the tray... but couldn't find them. When I finally reached J on his phone - they had .... gone... OUT of the salad bar section!!! J thought I had gone out in a huff (something to do with artificial sweetener...) but I hadn't.

It was tough, but we got past it.

But something else happened.. that is really much more meaningful, and much more important. I wondered how it would be... to be with somebody you love, who has kids. How would it be with those kids? How would it feel? And I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, because I have feelings for kids I have never met - feelings for parents (moms) I've never met so why should I not feel something, for J's kids?

So, we're sitting there, in the supermarket, eating our over-priced health food and drinking unsweetened coffee & J's older daughter is telling us all the places she will be going tonight. In Manhattan. At Night. With one other (girl) friend. Wearing a very sexy dress. In one or two areas of town that aren't the greatest...

So, I try to give my best NYC advice... areas I know, areas I don't... when should take cabs & not buses, etc... and then I say: "And oh, you can call us every hour on the hour."

Yup. Said it. Just because I'm SO COOL.

And of course you know how she responded: "I'm not six." (UGH!! Of course you're not of course you're not, of course you're not!!!) I kind of laughed: "I"m only kidding!!! (NO! I"M NOT!! CALL!!)

Omigod. Don't know how he does it. I'm getting those rolls of bubble wrap ready for my boys.....

Birthday Weekend

(Something's going on with Blogger - there are no formatting options at all. No fonts, no colors, no nothing. So I'm sorry if this looks boring; you will just have to let the words carry you along without any other extra added bonuses.)

I've lost you all already, haven't I?

ANYHOW - had a super, amazing, wonderful, stupendous birthday weekend. Went out Friday night w/some friends & J (not that J isn't a friend... but you know. Let's not quibble.) It was lots of fun.

But, Saturday was the day that clinched the whole deal. (And oh, how I wish I had either bold or italics! Just imagine that "clinched" is in italics!) We had a nice relaxing morning, then went out for (bold) lobster (bold) which is my favorite food in the world - and went to see (underline) The Drowsy Chaperone after. (See, I"m just improvising - writing in the formatting and that will probably keep your interest longer than if I actually (bold) made the words bold. Makes you work a little bit.)

The Drowsy CHaperone was amazing. Funny, clever, different, beautiful music, great set, acting - wonderful... Just great, great, great.

But now here's the thing. Get back Sunday, meet Max at Hebrew school for a family program. X came too - w/Nathan - but soon left with Nathan as Nathan was getting a bit antsy. (Funny aside - earlier in the week I had asked X if I could get the kids earlier - so we could go out for brunch for my birthday. He complained that he gets little enough time with them - and then Hebrew School takes away the rest - so "no" I could not. I asked if I could have them an hour earlier? "No." BUT, but Friday... he tells me I can take them at 12:30 - right after the Hebrew school workshop. No explanation. HA! Funny guy that X, huh?)

(Bold) BUT ANYHOW - We do the family project at Hebrew School and walk back to our house. The whole time I"m still coasting on the post weekend buzz... enjoying re-living it in my head, thinking about J, how much I love him, how wonderful everything is... but who should interrupt? What?!? A Child?!? Leave me alone! Leave me to my reverie!!

But no. They do not. Not only do they not leave me to my reverie, but they are tired, cranky, and so bloody annoying I'm about ready to rip my hair out.

So, I make it through that, my Dad comes, picks us up & we go for a family birthday brunch. THe thing is, really, I don't want to do any of this. I probably would be happy just sitting on a rock still reliving the weekend. I just wanted to be with J. (HOrrible, I"m a horrible person - my family there, all around me, showering me with presents and good will... and I want none of it.)

This is, I"m finding out, the tough, weird part about the whole divorce, every other weekend thing. To be in one zone, and then so thoroughly and totally yanked out, and forced into the other... every other weekend. (Granted, not every weekend is as stupendous as this... but allow me a bit of dramatic licence.)

So, I've equlized a bit now, still feeling pretty good and so loving the card I got from Max (which I can't upload here, but you can see at: http://www.xanga.com/Pithy11375/552831206/a-birthday-card-from-max.html It's unfortunate that the chid does not yet know how to spell boogers - especially since it is one of my all time favorite words.. (ack!) but I really do love it. It's so him.