The Interview Process

Yep. Interviewing new babysitters. Or trying to. I had one scheduled for last week, to come at 6:30 pm. At 6:45 pm I phone her. "Where are you?" "Oh" she replies "just got out of the doctor's office, is it ok if I come at 9 pm?" Yeah. Right.

Then the two last night who didn't show and didn't call. I didn't even bother calling them.

Tonight I had two, and one... well.... is making me think. Now, honestly, I wasn't floored by her. She was ok. But I don't need superstar, really, for an afterschool sitter... So, I would hire her... except for one thing. She has an infant.

This infant is only 4 months old. Only. Four. Months. Old.

I so, so don't want to be "That" woman. Or "That" employer, who discriminates because an employee has an infant. I don't. But. In spite of all best intentions... we know what it's like. They get sick. You don't get sleep. THey don't eat.... whatever.

She asked if she could bring him with her. To work. And again... I've always thought I'd be flexible with that sort of stuff... I so appreciate employers being that way with me... And it's good for my kids, having a younger child to grow with and learn about.... but... I asked her: "What if the kids need to go outside and it's rainy? Cold? How would that be? Or what if the kids are a little bit sick?"

She says oh no, no - that will be fine. And she also says that her mother is there. As back up (she's 23 years old). So if the baby's sick, or something, her mom can take it...

But you know, I have so many friggin' variables in my life... I can't have another! And this infant is, unfortunately, a huge variable.

But damned if I don't feel like the worlds' largest hypocrite.

I made it!

I've been tagged to do a Meme by Heidi at Viking Conquest(granted it was like a month ago, but there's no time limit on these things, right?)


So. I'm supposed to do seven random things about me...


1. I'm very particular about my refrigerator. Like, almost anal. Like everything has its exact spot, and like if you put the yogurt on the non-yogurt shelf... well.... I'll move it. To the yogurt shelf. Quick smart. And woe to the person who positions something in the fridge so that it is HIDDEN. I hate hidden fridge food. It all has to be easily seen. Needless to say I never have an overstuffed fridge.


Are you scared yet?


2. I've never thrown out any letter I've ever received. And I used to be a HUGE letter writer, before email. I have boxes here, boxes at my parents', boxes, boxes, boxes....


3. When I go to my parents' house I regress. I sit in front of the tv, I raid the fridge, I become sullen, I sulk, and my face even starts to break out!


4. I didn't date until almost the end of college. True. I was shyshyshy in high school & never found myself/my niche until at least junior year of college.


5. I will pick up snakes, lizards, mice, etc - but will not even SQUISH one of those big ole' water bugs! You know, the kind that make a sound when you step on them! The kind that you can hear when they walk?!? And they FLY too! Ugh! No way

6. I like working with a guy I might have a little crush on. Even if he's gay. (And believe me, working in non-profit... it's more often than not!) It's just nice to have that little bit of excitement when you go into work... think more about what you're wearing...


7. My Halloween pumpkins are rotting on my book shelf, and yet I'm just sitting here looking at them and not doing anything about it.

I got nuthin'

I don't know how you people write a post a day. I mean - HOW do you people write a post a day?!?! Let's say.... for example... that I even had enough going around in this little mind of mine to put to paper (paper? monitor?) each day.... how do you find the time?!?!

I think, that this is kind of how the cycle goes in my house... which unfortunately hinges on me and my blogging. I blog. Kids do... stuff, read, play, watch tv, etc. I blog. I get phone call from Max's teacher. I stop blogging. I do more active parenting. Kids settle in. I stop blogging a bit more. We all get sick of each other. I blog..... you get the idea.

So, being a bit more involved with the kids and not as involved in the computer -- and not really sure how to work out a good balance that does not involve me waking up earlier than I already do, or staying up later than I should...

Boo!

So, I left work early yesterday to come home to go trick or treating with the boys. I got home a bit after three and they hadn't even started their homework yet. After much.... errr..... cajoling, I got them focused, homework done, into their costumes, their over night bag packed (going to their dad's), my overnight bag packed (going to J's), and out the door. Let me add that I was carrying: My purse, my overnight, and the boys backpacks for school the next day. The sitter was helping carrying the boys overnight bag. Yep. That's me. Small But Mighty.

It was already nearly four pm, and since they had to meet their Dad at 6, meaning on subway by 5:30, there really wasn't that much time. We decided to just walk down Austin Street - in the central business district. The stores give out candy. Or they used to. We spent a large part of the walk encountering: "No More Candy" signs. By 4:30! What time do people start??!

So, you know what - it was just OK. The kids weren't so interested in getting the candy (I know!!) and more in walking around in their costumes & "battling" each other. So it became this, over and over: "Go in, put your masks down, say trick or treat. What do you say?" Like it was a chore.

THEN, we're walking down this sidewalk, crowded with trick or treaters & there's a man with a dog. A labrador-ish sized dog. On a leash, but not so controlled. I said "Kids, watch out for the dog!" and the dog grabs Nathan's arm. In his mouth. Then lets go &... now get this... the guy looks back & continues walking!

Nathan was fine. Skin not even broken. Maybe the dog was a puppy, which was why it looked so all over the place... But of course crying, scared, upset. I was, if you'll excuse the expression - ready to rip the guy a new asshole. (Nathan: Mom, is that guy younger than you? Me: Yes, I think so. Nathan: Good, so you can beat him up.)

Then lets not get into having to use the bathroom. In costumes. Not close to our house. All I can say is thank goodness for Boston Market!

Next year: No Austin Street. Only houses. Earlier.

So here's the thing...

Max's teacher told me about his acting out at school. Max & I talked about it & worked out a plan. I didn't tell X, thinking it was a one-off event.

Sunday Max told me that he had gotten in trouble on Friday. I wrote his teacher a note, and he had no tv/computer time last night.

He assures me that he was perfectly well behaved Monday ("except for the first 20 minutes, Mom. I was a little wild. But then I calmed down and was good the rest of the day!")

I should tell X, right?

I know I should. He's the father. The thing is, he over-parents. He over disciplines. He does not have realistic expectations. He is giving the kids a TEST on Friday! A TEST! Max says he's not so worried (has to read a book and do math problems) but is concerned about Nathan.

I jsut feel for these kids.

BUT - my "new thing" is to NOT tell him how to parent. I came to this (too late) realization that if I don't want him commenting on my parenting... that perhaps I should not comment on his. (Ok, I'm a little slow on the uptake!)

He's the parent, and if we have different styles and philosophies it doesn't make one better or one worse... just different. (See, I'm trying to convince myself here!)

And he does have a lot of strengths. He is by far one of the smartest people I know. He has nearly photographic memory, has a good, analytic mind, and is, surprisingly enough, a good teacher because he knows how to break things down into small components. (A good teacher when he's in a good frame of mind....) I mean heck - the guy was nominated for a Pulitzer! (Why do I always use that to fall back on... like that saves him, or something?) (NOtice that there are a lot of parenthetical phrases where I question myself? Why is that? :) )

Bah! So, I guess what I'm saying is that I really have to tell him.... but maybe I'll wait 'til after this weekend - so the kids won't be with him...

Just because my life is so dull...

My sitter decided to quit.

Guess I should explain. I have a new sitter - started in September. She is absolutely great, but is 16 years old. After two weeks she asked if she could come late two days each week - because of some school thing. Ummm... late? Who will pick up the boys? That's kinda why I hired you... But, her mom stepped in & picks up the boys two days each week. She comes about 15 minutes after.

But, there's been lots of little stuff like that - asking if she could leave early, come a bit later... and each time I've actually been able to work it out. I believe in flexibilty. I'll do what I can to accommodate your schedule(although I absolutely expect the other person to do the same.)

Then yesterday I get an email from her "I can't work Monday. Have Dr's appointment." Now, I'm already leaving work early Wednesday to take the boys trick or treating before they go to their Dad's that night, then I'm off Friday (going away for the weekend w/J!!) so leaving work early Monday is not really much of an option. My boss is nice, but....

So I asked: Can it be another day?

No. It can't. So I called her. Why did you schedule it when you had work? Her mom did. Why did she? Then I explained: This is a responsible position. She works so that *I* can work. I need to work. If I did not work I would be home with my boys and thus not need her. This puts me in a bind. And, really... kinda sucks.

I don't think I was harsh.. but I was very direct. This has been happening too much & the last thing I need in my life is more stress!

So she emailed me. She thinks it's best if she stops working. It's too much. That it is a responsible position and she has too much in her life now... she will stay until I find somebody - help me train the other person...

And she's right. And actually, for a 16 year old - she's very mature. But she is 16 & this is a busy time in her life.. and it is too much pressure (on both of us!) for her to be doing this.

So I'm off to find a new sitter.

And you know what the kicker is? The absolute KICKER!?! My mom. She said to me: "Well, if you hire a 16 year old she'll have too much going on in her life... it will be hard." Ugh! How do they always know?!?! How?!?

(And oh, my monitor has gone green [ordered a new one] so I can't see the yellow on spell check. I double checked... but.. you know... life without spell check...)

Ohmygoodness!

I did it.

I talked to my super.

And quite honestly, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. (Does that sound like a huge exaggeration? I'm sorry... but I actually think it might have been!)

I dropped the kids off at the bus, and as I was walking to the subway I saw him lounging in front of the building. (Not that I mean to imply anything about a super lounging... supers are allowed to lounge. They work very hard. When they're not lounging. Or maybe keeping watch for dogs! That's it! He was on a dog reconnaissance mission!) But I digress. So I saw him there, with his eye keenly peeled - on the look out for dogs with weak bladders... and I stopped a few buildings up and sat down. I ran through the entire script in my head. Again. And again. And ooohhhhh, 50 more times for good luck. Then I got up and walked over to him.

I said that I spoke to the Building Manager & we talked about the problem. I asked what specifically happened & he said he saw dog pee in the hallway - my floor - in front of the elevator. NOW - I had seen puddles there before, as had J -- and I told the super this. I also told him that 1) our dog wouldn't do that (our dog! Like how I say "our" dog!! Makes me happy.) 2) If, perchance he did - we'd of course clean it up! Super nodded. (He's the strong silent type, this super.. which makes my mission all the more difficult.)

I said... soooo..... because the manager said it was ok that we bring the dog back every once in a while, and because he could possibly cause a bit more work for you.... I'd like to give you...I reach into my purse and start to take out a folded bill... He shakes his head. No. He does not want it. He will not take it. I said "really?" I said: "But I don't want to feel funny. I don't want this to be extra work for you - I know this is a dog free place..." He was like "No. That's ok." I said well...ok then - have a good day.... and walked off to the subway. Feeling ill.

Honestly. I felt ill. Thought I'd be sick. I hadn't even thought he wouldn't take it! This "Hush Money!"

So now two things... 1) I'm not really sure if it's all resolved... and 2) You know how sometimes when you do something that's really difficult - and when you're done... when you do it you feel good. Like: "Hey, it was really hard, and I did it! Wow! Good for me!" Well, I don't feel that way. I just feel unsettled. I"m not so proud that I did that. And I don't really even think I did anything "wrong"... except maybe I did? I don't know. The whole thing is just so out of character for me!

(And on a side note - the laundry service that picks up and delivers our laundry... and brings it back all nice smelling and tied into little bundles... well - last week I wasn't there when they dropped it off. I told them that I wouldn't be there, so nobody would pay them. They said "No worries - we'll catch you next time." Sooooooo today they dropped off the laundry & didn't ask for last weeks. I didn't offer. Next week I'm going to. I thought about it. It's the right thing to do. And NO - it's not a reaction formation from the guilt from the bribe! No! It's not! I'm just like that.)

Somehow I feel like this whole dog, bribe/hushmoney/tip/whatever saga has not ended... that actually it has only just begun (cue either Carpenters "We've Only Just Begun" or foreboding organ music.)

Wow, lots of things happen to you!

That's what my new co-worker said to me the other day when I complained about the note from my management company. The week before my babysitter was unable to pick the kids up & I had to scramble to find somebody at the last minute (called my old sitter) and it was horrible, horrible panic. Then got letter from collection agency - wanting money for plastic surgeon who two years ago billed me for 1) er visit, 2) after hours er visit and 3) after hours er consult! Can you believe it?!? The gall! I actually got the collection guy to get the bill halved for me - so that was good...

But I guess.. yeah... lots of stuff happens to me. Or maybe it's just a bad...err.... season!

So I called up the management company for my building & spoke to the guy in charge of my building. He was actually very reasonable. He said if it's one night every once in a while.. it's ok - but he couldn't allow anything that was "regular" (every other week...). So I was ok with that.. but then he said that it was the SUPER who ratted us out - because he found some urine in the building! I was like "Hey! That's not our dog! He doesn't do that, and if he did you can be sure we would clean it up!" So he was all "Oh man, that means there's ANOTHER dog in my building!" and I was all "But this isn't fair! I'm being penalized for something that wasn't even me!" I guess I could really deal with it if he had said that the neighbors had complained about the clicking toenails...but something we didn't even do! (And J said he's actually seen puddles outside the elevator on our floor - before he's walked his dog.... so I bet the other owner is on our floor!!!)

So - this is the action plan: We're going to (shhhhhh) bribe the super! Yes! I've never done anything like that in my life... but... I'm trying to think out a script - I have to. There is no way I can just walk up to him and be like "so, here's some money - keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you!" Ha! I figure I'll say something like "I heard you had some trouble with a dog here, I want you to know it wasn't the dog that sometimes comes to visit my apt - but I want to give you this just in case having the dog here causes you any extra work - and hope that you'll let me know if there are any problems...." Does that sound too cheesy? I figure that since it wasn't a neighbor who complained (and he's such a quiet dog it was really hard to think of who would...) that if I do this we'll be safe.

And thus I enter the Dark Side.

I received a phone call from Max's teacher. In kindergarten he would receive weekly reports about his "behavior" and his teacher last year (same one as this year) had the same complaints. He likes to chatter. He likes to "laugh" and joke around.. he sometimes would rather (gasp!) do that than do work... and he's not "working up to his capacity."

I played the voicemail message for Max and showed him the note I wrote back to his teacher. I wrote that if I hear from her again he will lose a privilege (probably tv) and if I don't, I'll get him some Pokemon cards at the end of the month. We talked about it, and he understood (or seemed to) the cause and effect. Honestly? Yes, he's an active, rambunctious kid.. but I also think he's a wee bit bored. When I mentioned this to his teacher last year she got upset "But I make this class so challenging!" So I know better than to bring it up again. But his homework? Busy work. He finishes it in 10 minutes. If that is any indication of what his regular work at school is... Oy. So - we'll see what happens.

Wednesday the kids were over at X's. I call to say goodnight and X gets on the phone. "Nathan just at pork chop and mashed potato. I understand he never eats that with you." I kept my cool and said something like "well, then it's even better that you have him once a week now, isn't it?" but it upset me. Then Saturday he calls me: "Do you ever read to Nathan? He doesn't seem to be interested in anything." When I respond that he's interested in Star Wars and Pokemon he tells me that "Children should be exposed to all different things.... anybody can tell you that... you're not doing enough reading."

So here's the thing: In and of themselves these are just dicky X comments... but you know.. he has this WAY of always knowing the things I"m not so sure about... the parts of myself.... or my parenting... that I feel I can do a bit better. Like if he had said "I don't think you talk to the boys enough - you don't let them express themselves..." I would have told him he was an ass and hung up. I know that's patently untrue - and I KNOW that's what I'm good at. But these are two things that I'd like to do better.... I don't cook and feel deficient in that... and I feel like I NEVER have enough time to read to them as much as I'd like. Or, if/when I do.. well... I don't foist stuff on them that they don't feel like reading. I read what they want. Which is probably fine for 5 and 7 year olds... but... well.. he just plays on those insecurities. How does he know!?!?

Friday night I went to Shabbat services w/J and his daughter. It's at the synagogue he loves. I used to work there - before I went back to grad school - and now.. well.... I just can't connect. So I was sitting there.. and thinking - really thinking - about why I have these feelings about this place. I used to love it before I worked there... so what happened? What is it about the place? And I started remembering how it felt to work there... and I felt invisible there. I was an admin person and that was it. Was not really seen as a smart, articulate - PERSON. I felt invisible. And mostly from the two rabbis. Now, these rabbis are idolized. They are charismatic, dynamic, exciting, educated and insightful people. For the members. Me they said "hi" to and that was it...

But as I was really thinking about it more and more... I realized/remembered how it was for me there... it was right before X and I married. I was miserable. I went to a therapist and cried to her every time. I didn't know it was going to be like this. I thought love was different. Why is he like this? Why does he say these things? (And I don't want to get started about the therapist I was seeing then. She said nothing like .. ummm... if you're so miserable now maybe you want to think about things BEFORE you get married? I understand they're not supposed to "advise" but shit. She could have hinted....) I had just told X about a large amount of debt I had, and he was just horrible to me in ways that I just didn't even know how to counter... and I just wanted to talk to those rabbis. I just did. I wanted the sympathy that they were showing everybody else... I needed it. I was so needy. So miserable. And I remember even walking to where their offices were... hoping they'd come out.. ask what was wrong.. invite me in.. ask me to talk... They didn't.

And probably. Really. That was an unreal expectation. How could they have known? They were extraordinarily busy men.. with hectic schedules, members coming in all the time.. etc, etc... and I'm sure I wasn't the most outgoing of people.. especially about that! I mean, nobody - not even my closest closest friends knew about how horrible our relationship was... So there I was last Friday.. remembering this.. and tears started streaming down my face. You know, it's like I did therapy on myself. I forced myself to remember how it was... probably feelings I'd kept pent up for a long time - it was such an awful, awful awful time in my life... and realizing how now I just could NOT connect with the place because of that. It was a kinda surreal experience.

So I told J & well... he loves the place so we're gonna see. I figure that now that I realize what it's all about & talk it through... it'll be ok.. but we're gonna investigate other places, too.

So - now I'm up and ready to face another week! You?

Harboring a dog

So, I come home from work yesterday & pick up my mail. There's a letter from the management company of my building. It says:

"It has come to the attention of management
that you are harboring a dog in your apartment. This is in direct
violation of your lease agreement. If the dog is not removed from premise
immediately, we will proceed with legal action and you will be responsible for
any/all costs that incur due to this situation."

So I hear you thinking... "Hmmm.... all that time she's had dogs in her apartment it was in violation of her lease?!?" Yes! Yes! Ok! Yes! But I figured they were just visiting!!!! "Ahhh" I hear you thinking "she is so naive..." Ok. Fine.

So, I took X's dogs for that weekend, remember. Bad idea. And I actually don't think that is what this letter is about. I think it's about the fact that J's dog has been staying over. With J and his daughter. J's daughter (and dog) moved in with him... and so when he came over during the week - so did they. Because he knew how important it was for me to have him over. For the reasons listed in that post. I needed him here. The kids needed him here. It was just great. So we worked out something that he would come with his dog and daughter every other week - Thursday through the weekend. And it was good. It was great.

I don't know which of our neighbors outted us... and I'm not even 100% sure why. He is an old, quiet dog. He barks only if door bell rings (not so often, it's not like I get door bell ringing visitors here!) or right before he's being fed.

I'm kinda thinking that the other morning, when he woke up early, wanting to go out, that his toe nails on my bare floors were probably just a wee bit grating for my downstairs neighbors. 6 am. Saturday morning. It's hard to be charitable at that time....

But now. What do I do? J and I had been planning to work out a new plan anyhow, in December, when his daughter's college schedule changed & she was more used to being with him in NYC, commuting to school, etc. Maybe she would stay one night at his place with the dog? We were going to see how it went. So - when I got this letter my first thought was.... "hmm.... every other weekend... only about three between now and December... maybe we'll just chance it? Maybe we'll just keep going." And I soothed myself with that.

Spoke to my sister last night. The conversation went something like: "ARE YOU CRAZY!??! IS THIS WORTH BEING EVICTED FOR?!? THESE PEOPLE COMPLAINED RIGHT TO MANAGEMENT - WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO YOU! DO YOU THINK THEY'D APPRECIATE IT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED AGAIN?!?" Yeah. Something along those lines.

I'm going to call the management co - either today or Monday... but not sure how to present it. Just say "Ok, no more dog" and bring the dog. Say "ok no more dog" and really have no more dog. Or say "Listen - this is only every other weekend until December... this is a carefully crafted solution to a problem (no I'm not going to make them read my blog or anything!) and just let us continue 'til then. Windows will be closed, I'll put blankets on bare floors..... we'll be like little mice. And oh. While I have you on the phone... you have the nerve to complain to ME when you wouldn't get rid of the mice in my apt and this dog is the only thing keeping them out?!?" Something like that.

Thoughts? Am I totally screwed? Any of you ever deal with anything like this before? Suggestions?

Reading Blogs

I don't know about you guys, but I have a heck of a time keeping up with all the blogs I subscribe to. I mean what with work and those darn kids and boyfriend getting in the way, I have to actually do stuff instead of sitting and reading!! I use Google Reader & subscribe to.... ohhh.... 148 blogs. (Ok, ok - stop it! I know, I subscribe to too many - it's self-defeating! I get it!)

But still.

If I miss like one day, I have over 300 posts to read. And I don't even know why I subscribe to TMZ or Huffington Post - I NEVER read those... they post about 65 million posts a day & it makes me crazy.

I have issues - or maybe a wee touch of OCD? I hear you thinking that.

But seriously - do you guys just read far fewer? Skim them? What?

I know I don't have to read them all... but I like to.

Maybe all the blog writers just need to take a break one day a week, to give us mere mortals a chance to catch up....?

Maybe I need to get a life? (Don't answer that!)

The Real one!

I just checked & apparently the other post was just a photo of the Great Duck Chase of '07. This is the video. (Short, but a video.)

I'm not sure what the purpose was. I don't know what the purpose was of the entire place - it didn't teach anything except for kids to have absolutely NO respect for animals

Farm Trip

The kids were told to go into the cage and chase the ducks - that the ducks would run all together around the cage. Is that not the most apalling thing you have ever heard of? I mean, I'm far from being an animal rights anything.... but come on!!

Growing....

Some background, I guess, on Nathan & the testing. When he was around 2 his pediatrician noticed that he was below the curve on weight and height. She did some blood work & he tested low for the growth hormone.

Over the years we've had him followed by a pediatric endocrinologist. What it meant was blood tests about every six months, and coming into his office to be weighed and measured. (Nathan. Not me. Thank goodness!)

His hormone level soon came back up, and while it took him a while to make it on to the charts he was always growing. He actually always followed the chart exactly, the same growth rate, just right below...

Last year he had an x-ray of his hand to check his bone age. If the bone age is the same as the age represented in his actual current height weight, that's good. Meaning: his current height/weight is for a 2 year old, and his bone age is also for a two year old - even though he's five. But that's good - means that he'll probably catch up. If his bone age was for a five year old & height weight for a 2 year old, that would be a "problem." (And by problem I need to put this in perspective... the most he would need would be daily hormone shots. It's not life threatening, it's not more invasive than that....)

After that the Dr. pretty much said he was ok & that he didn't need to come any more... but then he tested a bit low on his thyroid - so the Dr suggested the big (FOUR HOUR) test that we did two weeks ago. Even at the test the Dr said he didn't think there was anything... because even though Nathan's small... he hasn't actually ever stopped growing. He said if there was a deficiency, he'd have stopped growing.

So, hopefully that's that. And honestly, while I want my child to be the best and the healthiest he can be... all this testing makes me wonder .... to what end? I mean, subjecting him to all this so he could be a few inches taller? It's not like it's a serious health issue, or anything... And this Dr is actually very conservative with his testing! But it's done - and I actually didn't even have those thoughts until after we went through the 4 hour test and it was so dreadful... if I went back in time & was told to do it again, would I? Put us all through that? Siigghhh.... I'd like to say "no" but I'm not so sure.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are wise, insightful, and brilliant. Your wit is sharp and occasionally hurtful... Revealing your scorn for people with less intelligence. Underneath it all, you feel burdened by the stupidity of humanity. You know what's right in the world, but it's overshadowed by everything that's wrong. People see you as arrogant. While this is partially true, you are also very sensitive.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Ahhhh humanity.... I feel so burdened... y'all are just so stupid! What's up with that?!?! (C'mon, gotta have some fun with this stuff!)

Test Results

I spoke to Nathan's pediatric endocrinologist today & his growth hormone levels are absolutely normal! They're not even low! They are right exactly in range! Hooray!! And what makes this even better is that every other time we've tested the levels it's just been a "regular" blood test. This one was the Big Test - so it's really the final say.

And, can I say how much I love his doctor. This guy is the chief of pediatric endocrinology over at NYU - and he answers his own phone, is kind approachable... and loves my son! He just does. I can see his face light up when he sees him... and what mother doesn't like to see that. (Ok, what mother doesn't like to see that on a non-threatening, not a stranger, male. Anybody else - stay the F away!)

So, just still keeping him the low level of synthroid & just have to bring him back in Dec for a final follow up. Dr. says he's probably have a growth spurt when he's 12 or so. I'll keep you posted.

(Oh my. Would that be a good or a bad thing if I'm still doing this blog in 7 years...?)

Food Glorious Food

So I'm doing this - trying to raise money for the NYC Food Bank. (And there is supposed to be some way to get that button on your website and not have it be just a picture, but link to my donations web page.... But - no - I could not figure it out.

I don't know. I got a Daily Candy email about it -- and it just kind of jumped out at me. (And maybe, perhaps, could be that the fact that there were no walks involved... could have been a bit of the draw. I'm not saying definitely... but COULD have been.....)

But seriously. I like the fact of how only one dollar can provide five meals. So it makes me feel that the little bit that I can afford to donate will actually make a bit of a difference.... So I feel like this is something I can ask other people to donate to as well.

I know, of course, that all the "big" charities are very very very important and worthwhile... but unfortunately I guess I feel like it's kind of like voting. Does my one little bit make a difference? (I know, I know, every little bit counts, it all adds up... but I'm just being honest here! That's how I feel!)

So - I hope the link works. And I hope that you'll think to maybe donate a few dollars....

Hmmm, where to begin...

Gosh. Ya know, I'm not even sure.... Guess I'll just do chronological. (If you care.)

Tuesday after Hebrew School Max came over to me and said: "Mom, you know the reason why I don't like to go to Hebrew School is that Daddy doesn't get to spend enough time with us. It takes away his time with us. Daddy was saying this to me and he actually had a tear in his eye!! A tear!! And I had one too, 'cause Mom - I want to spend more time with Daddy... and that's why: NO Hebrew School on Sundays!!" And walks away.

I was errr..... just a little bit stunned. How DARE X use our CHILD! To manipulate him like that? To put him in the middle! I bit my tongue (because oh how much did I want to say "And yes, Max - that's why your Dad told me to pick you up at 8 am last week... because he really wants to spend more time with you?!? And that's why he just said to me "Why don't you and J take the boys to their friend's party on Sunday - I don't have a car, don't want to go.") because it was so hard not to be put on the defensive, and just said: "Max. Your father can see you any time he wants. Any time. You are right here. Not in another country. Right here. And you are going to Hebrew School on Sundays. That's it"

Now, before you get as riled up as I did, I spoke to X and he denies ever saying anything to Max. I asked how come Max repeated what he always says - nearly word for word - and he had no answer. I told him that IF he did not say anything to Max, then he needs to be careful to see where Max is when he talks.... I'm not so sure. X is a jerk, but not usually a liar... But....

Then, X and I are talking on Wednesday. He's taking the kids overnight, for the first weeknight overnight since he moved in with his girlfriend... so I'd say about a year. I mentioned about lunch. (You all remember about how he never made the kids lunch?) And he said he didn't have anything to give the boys for lunch Thursday. Calmly I said: "Yes, well, you've known about this for a week. Go out and get food. Or ask your girlfriend to pick some stuff up. Or she stays with them and you go out. There are two of you. It's easy. I don't have that luxury." (Ok, I didn't add the luxury part. Almost. But stopped.)

I then told him exactly. Exactly. To the T. Each and every item I put in the boys lunches. Max: Sandwich, yogurt, juice box and snack. Nathan, Sandwich (only peanut butter or cream cheese), yogurt, juice box and either fruit gummy or fruit roll up. And Nathan needs a mid-day snack, and Nathan's mid day snack cannot make crumbs - so I give him a juice box and a yogurt drink. I mentioned that I'd been giving Nathan these Yo Crunch yogurts. They are a regular sized yogurt and he's been eating the whole thing! They come with mini M&M toppings, so that's why he eats it. X is all " Candy" Candy in his food? What do you feed him? He only eats nuggets!" Keeping my calm I mentioned that if he is able to get Nathan to eat anything else to please let me know... I'd love to hear suggestions. He said that his girlfriend COOKS and that Nathan does eat... but declined to give specifics. (Hmmmm) He then called me Brittney. I hung up.

Why it should upset me that the man with the worst parenting instincts on the planet calls me Brittney I don't know. Should have just laughed it off... but it pissed me right off!

THEN!! THEN! Just when you thought it could get no worse!!! We (unfortunately) had to talk again about the kids' homework. I told X that Max was using an article from Times Kids for his current events. That newspaper articles were just a little bit too much for him (Newspapers being on an 8th grade level and him only being in 2nd grade and all...and don't get me started as to why his teacher has 2nd graders reading regular newspapers....) X had actually printed out an article from Al Jazeera for Max. Uh huh. "Oh, he can read it." Yes, but how much can he comprehend?

Then goes on to say: "Max says to me that he's in the top ten at school, and I ask him why he's not in the top three?" !!!!!!!!!!!! I say "Ummm, I don't know where Max gets that from, there is no ranking.... there is no way he could possibly know something like that and it seems to me that he's probably just looking for some approval from you... and it would be great if you could just say: 'Max! Top ten! That's wonderful!" X says "No. I'm going to ask him why he's not number one." And he's not kidding. And that upset me most of all.

X is with them like he was with me. Never happy. Always critical. Always having unreal expectations and then insulting when not meeting them.... I mean, that poor boy was just how I was..... saying "Look at me! Look what I'm doing! I'm doing so well!" And not getting any affirmation for it, any approval... just "it's not good enough."

The bastard. It just makes me so want to cry.

So when people ask me why I don't want the kids to go to him.... that's why. I'd rather go crazy and have them with me all the time than have them deal with his crap.

Green Meadows Farm

Went with Max on a school trip. It was to a "Farm Museum" which really didn't show a working farm, but just allowed the children to terrorize the animals. (Note the hiding sheep...) But it was nice for me to go, since I don't really get to see Max with his friends so often... or in his "school environment."

Going on the bus

I love this.... Together. The two of them....