A fine, fine line...

So this is what I've noticed: There is a fine line between being helpful and being a busy body. Dontcha think? Let me explain.

Say you're sitting in a theater, and you know what row you're in, and you hear the people in the row behind you sort of bickering over their seats. THey are all in the wrong seats. And you hear them distinctly say a row that you know they are NOT in, because they are right behind you, and you KNOW which row you are in... so.... you turn around and say "That's not row B, it's row A."

Busy body or helpful?

Or, lets say you're on the elevator in a department store and you hear two people wondering which floor they have the ladies shoes & you blurt out "third floor." YOu weren't asked. They weren't saying to each other "we should ask somebody" you just... ummm... blurt it out. I mean, it's not like you could HELP hearing what they were talking about - it's the friggin elevator! Right?

Busy body or helpful?

Or you're walking down the street and you hear the people behind you wondering where they should go out for dinner... and you turn around and make a suggestion. (Ok, that hasn't actually happened, but believe me - it's been close enough...and it COULD!)

Busy body or helpful?

I know, not so easy to distinguish. I"m trying. I'm really trying. I. Just. Can't. Helpit!

No fading star: Actress gets roles at 97 - Yahoo! News

No fading star: Actress gets roles at 97 - Yahoo! News

Very cool.

Passover Part Two

I wrote about Passover part 1 - over on Xanga --- but here's part two.

The second night of Passover - for the second seder - we will be going to J's sister's house. I will be meeting his parents & his neices. My boys will be meeting his parents & his neices. For the first time. At the seder. A nice, calm relaxing first meeting - dontcha think?

I mean, I'm nervous and I'm not. I suppose I would have preferred meeting his parents first - just the four of us - before this. Before I have to have five eyes to keep on my kids who will be in a strange house, with strange things and people they have not met before.

No pressure, or anything.

And that's not to mention that this will be the first time my kids will be sitting through BOTH parts of the seder.... so imagine, if you will... sitting at a table (albeit with food, singing, etc, etc) for a good three hours or so. My kids. While a service is going on.

No pressure, or anything.

So, we'll be going there the second night... and I'll be meeting his parents, watching my kids, worrying about their behavior, worrying about them eating, worrying about my behavior, worrying about my eating... worrying about the state of the world we live in, worrying if the gerbil is ok, worrying about US debt, worrying about if they spill something on the table, worrying about if I left the coffee pot on....

No pressure, or anything.

I'm joking. Half joking. I'm a little bit worried about all this... I mean, it will be a lot - but then I just have to realize that they're kids, that his family are probably all very nice & oh - have a few glasses of wine.

What year is this?!

Kentucky.com 03/26/2007 $27 million anti-evolution museum to open soon

Good Morning!

Hi! How are you? How's it going? Have a good week? (How long has it been since I posted here last...? Not really sure.) Keeping out of trouble? Good. I'd hate to think that my blogging rate in any way correlated to the amount of trouble you guys got into. (You guys! See how I make my readers plural -- when if I'm lucky there will be one! Ha!)

So anyhow, as you can tell from that introduction I got nuthin'. Nothing to write about. Oh, well maybe....

Facilitating. I had to facilitate a break out group at our all staff "conference" last Friday. All week it was weighing on me. Heck, since I found out about it it was weighing on me. But, my boss said it "looked good" and I was "nominated" to do it because she "knew I could".... and blah blah, blah -- lots of other stuff supposed to make me feel really good about myself. Which. Ok. I suppose it did. But still made me feel nervous as heck.

People don't think I'm shy. I speak up in meetings, always voice my opinion, make little wise cracks.... and they don't think I'm shy. But I do.

Although, I suppose if you analyzed my behavior it wouldn't really seem like that of a "shy" person. But I still see myself like that. Maybe like a really overweight person.... when they lose weight they still see themselves as fat? I don't know. Kind of like a phantom limb, maybe...

So anyhow, I get down to the area where the group is supposed to meet & I'm the first one there. One or two people come & I'm fine with that. I'm fine with chatting. I'm fine with banter. But then they're all there. Twenty friggin five of them! And they are ALL LOOKING AT ME.

So I start & realize I'm drenched with sweat. I talk and realize the minute something comes out of my mouth I have no idea what it was... But they are all looking at me, with the same attentive look - so I must not be making too much of a fool of myself.

I make a little joke. They laugh.

Finally, I start to feel relaxed, and it's over. I bump into one person later: "You did a good job." Wow, did she know I was feeling so crazy about it? Ok, but that was nice.

In the end I feel like I didn't keep them as focused as they should have been. That I didn't really explain what we should have been discussing well enough - but you know - the other group who discussed the same thing came up with the same suggestions... soooooooo Something must've happened.

We went back to the main room. All the directors are thanking me. Thanking the facilitators.... Ok, so now I'm known at the agency. Not a small agency, either. So that's good. I guess. Isn't it?

But I get back to my desk and I crash. Crash, crash, crash. Must. Have. Nap. We got out of work early, I went up to J's place, fed his dog, and crashed a big crash.

It's over.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
My friend H. who teaches public speaking says that fear of public speaking is the most common of phobias. She said she will work with me to give me some pointers.

NATIONAL BUY DICK CHENEY A CHEESEBURGER DAY

NATIONAL BUY DICK CHENEY A CHEESEBURGER DAY

Happy Anniversary!

Thought this was a fun way to way to chronical my first meeting of J. (Ok, maybe not fun, but different. Informative? New? Unusual? Well, whatever. I just wanted to, ok?!?) The two copied posts are from my Yahoo 360 blog (that was private) and the linked one is the Xanga blog.

FROM THURSDAY, MARCH 9, 9:17 PM
Or crack myself up -- which I actually do on a fairly regular basis....
So I switched the dates. My Saturday night date with mask man has been switched to Friday - and I'm going to be going out with Fun Wednesday Night Date Saturday.
I'm not even sure WHY I am going out with Mask man - except for the fact that I told him I would. I'm totally psyched about the 2nd date with Fun Wednesday NIght Date...
Then I have a lunch date with another guy on Tuesday.
ANd, at this point - all I really want to do is just go out with Fun Wednesday NIght Date again. It was THAT good...

Also THIS from THURSDAY, March 9th

FROM SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 9:01 AM

So you know what - I totally cancelled the date with Mask Man. When I first moved the date his response was: "Well, you know that the skirt that you're wearing on this date just got shorter." Huh?!? I thought he must be joking. Nope.
Then, when I cancelled (well, ok, I'm a wimp - it was more like I postponed...) he was like: "I don't think there's a skirt that's short enough to make up for this." DOuble huh?!?
No more mask man.
TOTALLY psyched for my date tonight, though. TOTALLY.

FROM SUNDAY, MARCH 12th 1:29 AM
Omigod!
Guys!!! Great date! Omigod! Great, great, great!!
I think I really like this guy! Nice, cute, normal, funny, smart... he just has a great "way" about him... (Thank you, Billy Joel...)
I'm feelin' some serious liking coming

What a Working Woman Needs: A Wife - New York Times

What a Working Woman Needs: A Wife - New York Times

It's so true.

So here I am, once again

Yup, here I am. I'm in a writing mood, but the problem is.... I don't really have anything to write about. I wrote about it all over there - so I got nuthin' left. Nothing. Not a thing. And I knew that when I logged into this site. I said to myself: "Self, why are you logging into this site? You have nothing to write. On that site. Tonight." (Cracking up.)

Ahem, right. So. Back to the nothingness that is this blog post.... Hmm.... lets see... something is bound to come up...

Ok, well, how about this - its J & my ONE YEAR anniversary this Thursday. That's right, sports fans, one year! I don't know why, but I'm really, really excited about it. Not that I need a huge celebration or anything... but I don't know.... one year... Wowsa!

J said something to me like "oh yee of little faith"... meaning, I guess, that I was so surprised that we made it to one year... and of course, that got me thinking... Do I not have faith? Have I become so cynical? Why SHOULD it be such a big deal?

When I first started dating - a year after X moved out - it was a very strange learning experience for me: all of a sudden I became this FORTY YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH TWO KIDS WHO LIVES IN QUEENS. Not the 22 year old with no kids who lives in the West Village. I became this type. This inconvenient, old, out of the way type. I remember one guy on jdate telling me: "I'm sorry, I don't date moms."

I did manage to go out on quite a few dates.... (dontcha worry, I did ok!) but somehow they all imploded by the third date. Like a switch would go off in me and I would just no longer like the person.

I went out with EX for about 10 months or so... but I mean how do you really count that? He lives in another country. We saw each other once a month -- less than that, even. Then he (gasp!) broke up with me because he couldn't handle not seeing each other more often.

I dated a bit after that... and then I met J. And I liked him so much right from the very first date. Then the second date.. then I was so worried about the third -- would it happen? Would I suddenly not like him? I didn't want it to happen.... but it mysteriously did every time & I had no idea why!

Poof! Third date - didn't happen! Still liked him.

Heck, I think I could almost say this was love at first sight, really.

So why am I so hung up on this one year thing? I think I'm liking the idea of permanence... and this makes it just seem more so... in my mind, more solid. And, like I've said to J, this seems kinda silly but I like the idea of saying "remember last year..." and now having a point of reference!

I'm really not that difficult to please!

Pole Dancing Parties Catch On in Book Club Country - New York Times

Pole Dancing Parties Catch On in Book Club Country - New York Times

I think this speaks for itself.

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way..

Ok, I wasn't "on my way" I was already *at* but I just felt like using that title. So sue me.

(Aside: Nathan became upset that there was a book/movie with Max's name in it (Where the Wild Things Are) so he threatened to leave. Packed his bag & went to the door. So, we looked on line for things with Nathan and found Guys and Dolls/Nathan Detroit. We Found Adelaide's Lament and spent most of the rest of the day singing "sue me, sue, me, what can you do me...")

But anyhow.

I was at a meeting last week, was sitting with a co-worker I don't know too well & we got to talking... I mentioned how I have no time after work... childcare... babysitter.... X and she looks at me and says; "Well, wouldn't it be easier if you just got back with him?"

Huh?

Wouldn't life be easier, she suggested, if I got back with him... for me, for my kids.... because her parents were in a horrible relationship and they stayed together.

(Let me add right here that I do not believe this co-worker is married...)

I explained that NO, it would not be better... but she looked at me with such disapproval... It wasn't her business, so I wasn't going to go into how we went for counseling, or how we stayed together far, far longer than we should have...

But what I realized, what I had forgotten, was that there are many, many people who really do not look kindly on divorce. I mean, isn't it a sin in the Catholic Church? And it was the first time I had felt the cold hard glare of disapproval for doing this.

Then I was talking to my parents about friends of theirs... it seems the friends' daughter's husband is the carrier for a horrible, horrible birth defect. The daughter has been pregnant a few times already and has miscarried... and they are trying again, but still very worried. I suggested adoption. My mother replies that her friend is "against adoption" (Hey, what about the friend's daughter? How does she feel? Oh, never mind.) That you "never know what you are going to get", and something about them not being as "good" as "regular" Why are they put up for adoption... something is "wrong" with the parents....

Of course I explained about how adoptions are so different now, open adoptions, etc, etc.... but I could tell my mom kinda half believed her friend.... she was listening to me in that "oh, let me humor her" kind of way... (And don't tell me you don't know that sort of listening way!)

When I was finally able to close my jaw that was hanging on my chest I remembered X telling me his mom felt the same way. I thought it was just her.. .but now....

I don't really know where I"m going with this... but it never ceases to amaze me the amount of ignorance there is out there.... and how people are so quick to judge others - and here especially when people are trying to do something to help themselves.. help their children....

C'mon people... open your minds.

Admissions Jockeying Starts Earlier in New York - New York Times

Stuff like this sends me running to the hills....

Admissions Jockeying Starts Earlier in New York - New York Times

But M'am, One More Thing

My phone has caller ID. The result of that is that if I don't recognize the number, or if a call is from a 1-800 number, I usually don't answer the phone.

Last night, for some reason, I did.

"Hello, may I please speak to....." The voice was of a young guy, most definitely not from this country. "Speaking" "Hello Ma'am, my name is Robin. I am calling to tell you that you have just won a free trip..." "Oh yes, free until I have to pay." "No, no ma'am..." and he continued. The poor guy was so obviously reading from a script, and not doing a very good job. And each time I would make a snide remark it totally threw him off. So I listened. I never do that. I usually cut them off, tell them thanks but no thanks, or something. But for some reason, the earnestness in this guys voice - the idea that he was sitting in some other country - earning far less than he deserved just because some Western company could get away with it...

So I grunted, I said "Uh, huh" and I listened. It seemed I won a free trip for two adults to either Vegas, or a two night Carnival Cruise - and all I had to pay was the taxes. Hmmm? Fishy?

Then he started to ask for personal data... and I. Just. Couldn't. Do it. Wonder why.

So I said "No, no, I'm sorry. I can't do that." "But ma'am, but ma'am!" "I'm sorry, I know you work very hard, but I can't do this thank you. Bye." "But ma -

And do I feel better about my made up "good deed." No. Because now I'm thinking what if he gets in trouble for using the time but not closing the deal. So really, the only way I could have REALLY helped would have been to go on the cruise, or go to Vegas....

Next time I'm just not going to answer the phone.

Nice

You know, just before, in my other blog, I posted about how things feel a bit... down now... or off, But I really should have written about how things have been here. In my house. For the past two or three weeks.

Nice. They've been really really nice.

Since the kids came back from X's for that long weekend... something happened. Like we all had a renewed appreciation for each other. Maybe I had a final realization how it must be for them, there, and my reactions to them changed - I don't know.

I'm trying to think of how to explain it... because so much of it is just a feeling. They're still talking the bathroom talk, still running around slamming doors, knocking stuff off shelves (ask me how much that sound scared me - from the other room!). But we look at each other differently. Max comes over for hugs. We sit with each other differently... The level of tension is down. For all of us. (Which is even more amazing considering the PMS from hell I've had the past week.) There are more smiles. More talking. More relating.

I keep feeling like... we're a family unit. The three of us. More cohesive. And we're just all appreciating that and each other.

You know you want more!

Just because I don't talk about him enough.... Who?!? You're wondering. Who does she not talk about enough?!? it's not X. It's not J. Those two opposite ends of the pole are all she ever talks about... well, ok - a bit about her kids... a bit about her work... but it's always those two...

Sigh, yes, it is. And look! Here, for your viewing pleasure is..... MORE! It'll be quick and painless though, i promise.

Spoke to X yesterday. He will be with the kids & his girlfriend up by; where I will be tomorrow & I had suggested that we all meet. We can meet in McDonalds - so a relaxed place, for a finite/limited amount of time... But no. He won't do it. He said he wants to wait 'til this "divorce thing" is settled. He's too angry at me trying to squeeze all this money out of him. Ok. Whatever. (I'm so dying to meet her, though!! So dying!)

But he also told me how rude my parents were to him at Nathan's birthday party last Sunday. Apparently my Dad didn't even say hello, and my mom just gave a quick hello and then they both studiously ignored him the entire time. The air, he said, was frigid.

So, I've been thinking about it. And I'm not going to say anything to my parents. I mean, the next time they see him will probably not be until May, or so.... so what's the point. 20 million things could happen between now and then. BUT, while I feel that they are more than entitled to be angry at him, I don't really feel that he should be subjected to the Siberian Tundra. (Are there tundras in Siberia? Ha! Looked it up! There are! But anyhow...)

The goal is really to keep this as "normal" as we can - for the kids - and my kids pick up inklings of thoughts... nevermind outright actions.... so I'm sure (if they haven't already) they will pick up the vibes.

And. Well. Honestly. They don't have to be friends, not at all! But they should at least be moderately friendly. Ish. Kinda sorta.

Valentine's Day

I know, I should be saving this for at least next week - if not for the actual Valentine's Day -- but I think that's actually, somehow, somewhere, the point of this post.

Last week (or was it the week before? Well, sometime before now) I realized that Valentine's Day is coming up. So, I was thinking.... what to do. What do I want to do. Having a boyfriend, and one who if he knew/thought this was important to me just might actually do something...

Allow me to backtrack a bit. Never had a good Valentines Day. Never. Well, at least not one that was memorable enough for me to remember. (Ha!) And when I first met X he said to me "We don't celebrate Valentines Day in NZ" so wanting to be oh so culturally sensitive I said "oh, that's OK." That was until I met his best friend, P. - who was also going out seriously with an American. They told us about this amazing Valentines Day they had in Auckland... how they won this dinner from a sweepstakes on the local radio station...they won it by telling how they met (like X & I) and how she moved to NZ.... Wait. Valentines Day Sweepstakes? In New Zealand? I thought...... Ohhhhhh, I get it.

So I tried. Oh how I tried. One year I came home to find a bouquet of roses in the toilet. X's idea of a joke. And each year it was just such an effort... I'd have to plan everything, I'd practically buy the card for him. He just wouldn't do it. And I so, so needed it. I was always looking for something from him. Some sign of compassion, of caring, of love. And when we first (first) met I got that... but still. There was always something... I don't know... there was just always something missing. Maybe it was me - but I always felt like I needed more. More of the sense that I was special to him. And I know I've told this story, how at the end of our relationship how I used to have these fantasies that I would get sick & he'd have to take care of me... I was so starved for.. just something more from him. A sense that I was at least as important to him as he was to him. And you know the story -- when I had walking pneumonia & he wouldn't even pick me up at the subway stop. I tell that story so often because it 1) was really the beginning of the end; 2) it just so typifies him and his behavior and how he thought...

But anyhow, back to this year. So, I'm thinking about how it would be this year. Valentine's Day - and all of a sudden I realize: It is not important. I don't care. I don't need anything. I don't want anything. It was such a .... revelation! I understood what Valentines Day had meant to me before, and how I always craved it - and now that I could really have it -- I don't need it. I get all I need in this relationship every day. I feel it. I know it. I don't need a special day for it - it actually even seems silly. All those years when people would say that to me and I'd kind of sigh and say yes, I know, it's a day made up by the greeting card companies... but still... wouldn't it be nice....

I don't need it. I don't want it. And it's so cool.

Anger? Or not.

So, today is Nathan's birthday. We had the party yesterday; you can read about it here. On Saturday we went to my parents & J & his daughter came out in the evening for dinner, cake and presents. It was really really nice. My parents were so impressed how all the "kids" jelled together so nicely & how comfortable it all feels. It was nice (again with that word!) to hear that from an "outside" source (again with the ""!) because it all just happened so organically with us and the kids that I guess I don't really think about it/analyze it. (What?! Me not analyze?!?)

I told my parents that J's sister invited the kids & I to her house for Passover & while I had thought they would be all upset -- as in "what will we do without you?" They looked at each other with this really happy look on their faces. Parents! You just never know with them!

But anyhow, that really wasn't this post was going to be about.

X was at Nathan's bowling party - on Sunday. First words from my dad: "Oh, he's bald. Good." And it kind of went on like that.

When I spoke to my friend H, after the party, she told me how my Dad said something to her about X being a "bastard" leaving his wife & kids.... and how he's not going to talk to him. H told him he didn't have to talk to him, but wasn't it so nice how I had moved on... and was in a good place now. Dad. Time to move on, too. She said my mom voiced the same sort of sentiments to her, too.

X says to me: "Wow, the warmth I'm feeling here is incredible. I know my family wouldn't be like that with you. They haven't been like that with you." When I mentioned that perhaps our situations were different he didn't understand. Ok. If you don't understand, then I suppose I can't explain - but I think most people would. Understand. Understand?

Then H comes over to me at the party - X is strongly hinting to her that she drive him to the subway. It's about a mile and a half to the subway - in the freezing cold. She told me that she pretended she wasn't getting the hints & wouldn't drive him. I kinda said well, you know, it's cold.... so we compromised that she would drive him to the bus -that would take him to the subway.

So I guess all this has left me thinking about my anger. I know I have it - but it comes out more in incidents than this constant feeling of, I guess, hating him - or wishing him ill will. I mean, I wish he would disappear -- but I don't want to drive by him walking down the street while I'm all warm in a car & he's shivering.

So, I have no answer for this (for a change!) just kind of wondering, to myself (and now I guess to all of you) if I should feel/have felt more anger or if it's better like this.... Probably, like most things, it falls somewhere in between.

A True Test

So, you know, I wrote over here about my relationship with J - and how amazing it all is.. and how lucky I am... but this past weekend I had cause to think about another (wonderful) aspect of it.

I am going through a divorce - he is going through a divorce. I have an annoying X - he has an annoying X. I have kids and all the issues that surround them - he has kids and all the issues that surround them. I work he works. And we both, unfortunately, just have those darn issues that come up just as a matter of.... well... life.

So, what I'm getting at is - this is not really the best juncture in our lives. Not the calmest. Not the most settled. (And not that any time is, but you get what I mean.)

And through that all we are starting a relationship and I'd say a pretty successful one, at that.

And you know, when I was with X -- I would always be waiting for "the good times". I'd say to myself "ok, things aren't so great now, but when this settles down, or that settles down...X will settle down and things will be ok." And they were. We had some good times, but then those times were when all the planets aligned, there was ample money in the bank, and all the birds sang in harmony. There were brief pockets of time when things were ok - but then you have kids, you lose jobs, etc, etc, etc... and then they were not ok.

So here we are, J and I, when things are not so ok in our lives - but we're doing ok. We're probably getting to know each other at the most stressed out points in our lives... and it's ok. We're going through it as partners - a team - dealing with the issues, helping each other deal with the issues, and knowing that this too will pass. And when it passes - things will be ok. Calm. But, we already know that if life steps in -- we can really handle it.

It's just good to know.

Zep

What do you guys know about Zep?

Not so much, I bet. Probably because it's an industrial strength cleaner. Used for big spaces. Probably not, I would think, in little New York City apartments... right? Read what it says here - scary stuff.

Brought to you by the Anti-Zep patrol.

You all Do realize that this post is really just a private joke and I have not totally lost my mind.