A Funny Thing Happened On My Way..

Ok, I wasn't "on my way" I was already *at* but I just felt like using that title. So sue me.

(Aside: Nathan became upset that there was a book/movie with Max's name in it (Where the Wild Things Are) so he threatened to leave. Packed his bag & went to the door. So, we looked on line for things with Nathan and found Guys and Dolls/Nathan Detroit. We Found Adelaide's Lament and spent most of the rest of the day singing "sue me, sue, me, what can you do me...")

But anyhow.

I was at a meeting last week, was sitting with a co-worker I don't know too well & we got to talking... I mentioned how I have no time after work... childcare... babysitter.... X and she looks at me and says; "Well, wouldn't it be easier if you just got back with him?"

Huh?

Wouldn't life be easier, she suggested, if I got back with him... for me, for my kids.... because her parents were in a horrible relationship and they stayed together.

(Let me add right here that I do not believe this co-worker is married...)

I explained that NO, it would not be better... but she looked at me with such disapproval... It wasn't her business, so I wasn't going to go into how we went for counseling, or how we stayed together far, far longer than we should have...

But what I realized, what I had forgotten, was that there are many, many people who really do not look kindly on divorce. I mean, isn't it a sin in the Catholic Church? And it was the first time I had felt the cold hard glare of disapproval for doing this.

Then I was talking to my parents about friends of theirs... it seems the friends' daughter's husband is the carrier for a horrible, horrible birth defect. The daughter has been pregnant a few times already and has miscarried... and they are trying again, but still very worried. I suggested adoption. My mother replies that her friend is "against adoption" (Hey, what about the friend's daughter? How does she feel? Oh, never mind.) That you "never know what you are going to get", and something about them not being as "good" as "regular" Why are they put up for adoption... something is "wrong" with the parents....

Of course I explained about how adoptions are so different now, open adoptions, etc, etc.... but I could tell my mom kinda half believed her friend.... she was listening to me in that "oh, let me humor her" kind of way... (And don't tell me you don't know that sort of listening way!)

When I was finally able to close my jaw that was hanging on my chest I remembered X telling me his mom felt the same way. I thought it was just her.. .but now....

I don't really know where I"m going with this... but it never ceases to amaze me the amount of ignorance there is out there.... and how people are so quick to judge others - and here especially when people are trying to do something to help themselves.. help their children....

C'mon people... open your minds.

Admissions Jockeying Starts Earlier in New York - New York Times

Stuff like this sends me running to the hills....

Admissions Jockeying Starts Earlier in New York - New York Times

But M'am, One More Thing

My phone has caller ID. The result of that is that if I don't recognize the number, or if a call is from a 1-800 number, I usually don't answer the phone.

Last night, for some reason, I did.

"Hello, may I please speak to....." The voice was of a young guy, most definitely not from this country. "Speaking" "Hello Ma'am, my name is Robin. I am calling to tell you that you have just won a free trip..." "Oh yes, free until I have to pay." "No, no ma'am..." and he continued. The poor guy was so obviously reading from a script, and not doing a very good job. And each time I would make a snide remark it totally threw him off. So I listened. I never do that. I usually cut them off, tell them thanks but no thanks, or something. But for some reason, the earnestness in this guys voice - the idea that he was sitting in some other country - earning far less than he deserved just because some Western company could get away with it...

So I grunted, I said "Uh, huh" and I listened. It seemed I won a free trip for two adults to either Vegas, or a two night Carnival Cruise - and all I had to pay was the taxes. Hmmm? Fishy?

Then he started to ask for personal data... and I. Just. Couldn't. Do it. Wonder why.

So I said "No, no, I'm sorry. I can't do that." "But ma'am, but ma'am!" "I'm sorry, I know you work very hard, but I can't do this thank you. Bye." "But ma -

And do I feel better about my made up "good deed." No. Because now I'm thinking what if he gets in trouble for using the time but not closing the deal. So really, the only way I could have REALLY helped would have been to go on the cruise, or go to Vegas....

Next time I'm just not going to answer the phone.

Nice

You know, just before, in my other blog, I posted about how things feel a bit... down now... or off, But I really should have written about how things have been here. In my house. For the past two or three weeks.

Nice. They've been really really nice.

Since the kids came back from X's for that long weekend... something happened. Like we all had a renewed appreciation for each other. Maybe I had a final realization how it must be for them, there, and my reactions to them changed - I don't know.

I'm trying to think of how to explain it... because so much of it is just a feeling. They're still talking the bathroom talk, still running around slamming doors, knocking stuff off shelves (ask me how much that sound scared me - from the other room!). But we look at each other differently. Max comes over for hugs. We sit with each other differently... The level of tension is down. For all of us. (Which is even more amazing considering the PMS from hell I've had the past week.) There are more smiles. More talking. More relating.

I keep feeling like... we're a family unit. The three of us. More cohesive. And we're just all appreciating that and each other.

You know you want more!

Just because I don't talk about him enough.... Who?!? You're wondering. Who does she not talk about enough?!? it's not X. It's not J. Those two opposite ends of the pole are all she ever talks about... well, ok - a bit about her kids... a bit about her work... but it's always those two...

Sigh, yes, it is. And look! Here, for your viewing pleasure is..... MORE! It'll be quick and painless though, i promise.

Spoke to X yesterday. He will be with the kids & his girlfriend up by; where I will be tomorrow & I had suggested that we all meet. We can meet in McDonalds - so a relaxed place, for a finite/limited amount of time... But no. He won't do it. He said he wants to wait 'til this "divorce thing" is settled. He's too angry at me trying to squeeze all this money out of him. Ok. Whatever. (I'm so dying to meet her, though!! So dying!)

But he also told me how rude my parents were to him at Nathan's birthday party last Sunday. Apparently my Dad didn't even say hello, and my mom just gave a quick hello and then they both studiously ignored him the entire time. The air, he said, was frigid.

So, I've been thinking about it. And I'm not going to say anything to my parents. I mean, the next time they see him will probably not be until May, or so.... so what's the point. 20 million things could happen between now and then. BUT, while I feel that they are more than entitled to be angry at him, I don't really feel that he should be subjected to the Siberian Tundra. (Are there tundras in Siberia? Ha! Looked it up! There are! But anyhow...)

The goal is really to keep this as "normal" as we can - for the kids - and my kids pick up inklings of thoughts... nevermind outright actions.... so I'm sure (if they haven't already) they will pick up the vibes.

And. Well. Honestly. They don't have to be friends, not at all! But they should at least be moderately friendly. Ish. Kinda sorta.

Valentine's Day

I know, I should be saving this for at least next week - if not for the actual Valentine's Day -- but I think that's actually, somehow, somewhere, the point of this post.

Last week (or was it the week before? Well, sometime before now) I realized that Valentine's Day is coming up. So, I was thinking.... what to do. What do I want to do. Having a boyfriend, and one who if he knew/thought this was important to me just might actually do something...

Allow me to backtrack a bit. Never had a good Valentines Day. Never. Well, at least not one that was memorable enough for me to remember. (Ha!) And when I first met X he said to me "We don't celebrate Valentines Day in NZ" so wanting to be oh so culturally sensitive I said "oh, that's OK." That was until I met his best friend, P. - who was also going out seriously with an American. They told us about this amazing Valentines Day they had in Auckland... how they won this dinner from a sweepstakes on the local radio station...they won it by telling how they met (like X & I) and how she moved to NZ.... Wait. Valentines Day Sweepstakes? In New Zealand? I thought...... Ohhhhhh, I get it.

So I tried. Oh how I tried. One year I came home to find a bouquet of roses in the toilet. X's idea of a joke. And each year it was just such an effort... I'd have to plan everything, I'd practically buy the card for him. He just wouldn't do it. And I so, so needed it. I was always looking for something from him. Some sign of compassion, of caring, of love. And when we first (first) met I got that... but still. There was always something... I don't know... there was just always something missing. Maybe it was me - but I always felt like I needed more. More of the sense that I was special to him. And I know I've told this story, how at the end of our relationship how I used to have these fantasies that I would get sick & he'd have to take care of me... I was so starved for.. just something more from him. A sense that I was at least as important to him as he was to him. And you know the story -- when I had walking pneumonia & he wouldn't even pick me up at the subway stop. I tell that story so often because it 1) was really the beginning of the end; 2) it just so typifies him and his behavior and how he thought...

But anyhow, back to this year. So, I'm thinking about how it would be this year. Valentine's Day - and all of a sudden I realize: It is not important. I don't care. I don't need anything. I don't want anything. It was such a .... revelation! I understood what Valentines Day had meant to me before, and how I always craved it - and now that I could really have it -- I don't need it. I get all I need in this relationship every day. I feel it. I know it. I don't need a special day for it - it actually even seems silly. All those years when people would say that to me and I'd kind of sigh and say yes, I know, it's a day made up by the greeting card companies... but still... wouldn't it be nice....

I don't need it. I don't want it. And it's so cool.

Anger? Or not.

So, today is Nathan's birthday. We had the party yesterday; you can read about it here. On Saturday we went to my parents & J & his daughter came out in the evening for dinner, cake and presents. It was really really nice. My parents were so impressed how all the "kids" jelled together so nicely & how comfortable it all feels. It was nice (again with that word!) to hear that from an "outside" source (again with the ""!) because it all just happened so organically with us and the kids that I guess I don't really think about it/analyze it. (What?! Me not analyze?!?)

I told my parents that J's sister invited the kids & I to her house for Passover & while I had thought they would be all upset -- as in "what will we do without you?" They looked at each other with this really happy look on their faces. Parents! You just never know with them!

But anyhow, that really wasn't this post was going to be about.

X was at Nathan's bowling party - on Sunday. First words from my dad: "Oh, he's bald. Good." And it kind of went on like that.

When I spoke to my friend H, after the party, she told me how my Dad said something to her about X being a "bastard" leaving his wife & kids.... and how he's not going to talk to him. H told him he didn't have to talk to him, but wasn't it so nice how I had moved on... and was in a good place now. Dad. Time to move on, too. She said my mom voiced the same sort of sentiments to her, too.

X says to me: "Wow, the warmth I'm feeling here is incredible. I know my family wouldn't be like that with you. They haven't been like that with you." When I mentioned that perhaps our situations were different he didn't understand. Ok. If you don't understand, then I suppose I can't explain - but I think most people would. Understand. Understand?

Then H comes over to me at the party - X is strongly hinting to her that she drive him to the subway. It's about a mile and a half to the subway - in the freezing cold. She told me that she pretended she wasn't getting the hints & wouldn't drive him. I kinda said well, you know, it's cold.... so we compromised that she would drive him to the bus -that would take him to the subway.

So I guess all this has left me thinking about my anger. I know I have it - but it comes out more in incidents than this constant feeling of, I guess, hating him - or wishing him ill will. I mean, I wish he would disappear -- but I don't want to drive by him walking down the street while I'm all warm in a car & he's shivering.

So, I have no answer for this (for a change!) just kind of wondering, to myself (and now I guess to all of you) if I should feel/have felt more anger or if it's better like this.... Probably, like most things, it falls somewhere in between.

A True Test

So, you know, I wrote over here about my relationship with J - and how amazing it all is.. and how lucky I am... but this past weekend I had cause to think about another (wonderful) aspect of it.

I am going through a divorce - he is going through a divorce. I have an annoying X - he has an annoying X. I have kids and all the issues that surround them - he has kids and all the issues that surround them. I work he works. And we both, unfortunately, just have those darn issues that come up just as a matter of.... well... life.

So, what I'm getting at is - this is not really the best juncture in our lives. Not the calmest. Not the most settled. (And not that any time is, but you get what I mean.)

And through that all we are starting a relationship and I'd say a pretty successful one, at that.

And you know, when I was with X -- I would always be waiting for "the good times". I'd say to myself "ok, things aren't so great now, but when this settles down, or that settles down...X will settle down and things will be ok." And they were. We had some good times, but then those times were when all the planets aligned, there was ample money in the bank, and all the birds sang in harmony. There were brief pockets of time when things were ok - but then you have kids, you lose jobs, etc, etc, etc... and then they were not ok.

So here we are, J and I, when things are not so ok in our lives - but we're doing ok. We're probably getting to know each other at the most stressed out points in our lives... and it's ok. We're going through it as partners - a team - dealing with the issues, helping each other deal with the issues, and knowing that this too will pass. And when it passes - things will be ok. Calm. But, we already know that if life steps in -- we can really handle it.

It's just good to know.

Zep

What do you guys know about Zep?

Not so much, I bet. Probably because it's an industrial strength cleaner. Used for big spaces. Probably not, I would think, in little New York City apartments... right? Read what it says here - scary stuff.

Brought to you by the Anti-Zep patrol.

You all Do realize that this post is really just a private joke and I have not totally lost my mind.

One more thing

Just because I'm totally behind schedule this morning, anyhow.... Have you guys noticed that this post I did way back in May has become some sort of community sounding board?

It's the one I wrote about that scam I found on Craigslist & apparently that post comes up on peoples' searches when they try to find out about the company. It's a real traffic generator! I recomend all you bloggy types to just put abfimport.com on your blog. It'll work wonders!

So, let's see....

It feels like it's been such a long time since I posted here... and I've actually had lots to post.. just not the will to sit and do it.

Last week was a bit of a milestone for me - I cooked! Yes, I cooked. Made spinach lasagna. I haven't cooked that much in the past.. oh... 6 years because 1) two little kids, 2) back in school, 3) two little kids on my own, 4) just too darn tired, 5) kids never eat what I make, anyhow & too difficult to cook for just one.

But now J has been coming over & it gets too expensive to always get prepared food - and can't always serve him spaghetti & sauce from a jar!

And before I go on, I should explain that I consider "cooking" when you have to actually measure stuff. I make a salsa chicken - but that's just chicken, dumping a can of beans on it, jumping a jar of salsa on it, and bonging it in the oven. I don't really feel like that qualifies as "cooking."

So, since J is nearly a vegetarian, and since I have these lasagna noodles (the ready to cook ones) I figured spinach lasagna. DId a search on line & finally found one that used the no boil noodles & had reasonable ingredients. Neglected to read the whole recipe though.

Decided to make it Tuesday, since he was coming over Wednesday. I start taking out all the stuff & see this on the recipe "Put all ingredients in a cuisinart and chop." Huh? More equipment?!? I only have the mini-chop & so got out the blender.

Max came over and wanted to help... and it was actually really great. Again made me realize (feel guilty) how I need to really focus on them more when I get home. So many nights when I'm home he's running around causing mischief... but here he was, sitting with me, active, involved, calm...

We got out the blender (after digging it out from under about 7 years worth of stuff) and put in ingredients. I pushed the button. "Mom, what's that smell?" Took my hand off the button, sniffed around the kitchen... "I don't know... I don't smell anything." Pushed down the button again. "MOM - what's that smell!?!?" Hmmmm... seems to be coming from the blender.... Well, there's no smoke so lets just finish up.

I figure it was just complaining from lack of use. Right? Say right.

So, I/we finished. It was ok... J said he liked it. It was spinach, fat free ricotta, fat free mozarella.... so darn healthy & I think needed a little "kick." But certainly edible.

Stay tuned for more reports from "My Kitchen".

Yeah. Right.

John Tierney: The Voices in My Head Say ‘Buy It!’ Why Argue? - Science Times Columnist - The New York Times - New York Times

John Tierney: The Voices in My Head Say ‘Buy It!’ Why Argue? - Science Times Columnist - The New York Times - New York Times

Aha!!

What a loooong week!

I don't know, guys, doesn't it feel like this week is just dragging on.... I keep thinking tomorrow is Friday - and it's not!!!

Yesterday I went to meet with the "review attorney" the one who I reviews the divorce agreement X and I worked out with our mediator. She is out outside eyes.

I didn't realize it, but I must have been really, really nervous about seeing her - which I think also played into my mood on Monday. When I left her office I just felt such a huge surge (hmm, where have I heard that word before?) of relief!

But, I'm sure you're curious! What did she say, what did she say?!? Well, I'll tell ya'. She said it looked like a good agreement. The one thing that she said she felt I should try to change was that we would split college costs 50-50 -- she felt it should be pro-rata.

She also said that "add-ons" like extra curriculars, child care while the mother works, and summer camp would actually be mandated pro-rata if we did this through the court. I knew that about child care, did not know that about the others.

X had said he would pay pro-rata child care - but put a cap on it. So if I wanted to pay a sitter more than $10 an hour I'd be paying the extra.

She also said that any court would make him pay his pro-rata share of Hebrew School/Religious Education. She said the court always sees value in that. When I explained X's... issues.. with Hebrew School (and this really has nothing to do with his religion - I know Jewish people who do not like to send their kids to Hebrew School for the same reasons as X). She told me that it would probably cost about $20,000.00 if I wanted to take him to court for it. Ummm, no thanks.

Also, honestly, I just can't fight him over this one.

So, she's going to ask/tell his attorney that I would like him to pay full pro-rata for child care & also camp & extra currics & we'll see what happens. Hopefully his attorney will say "well, if you went to court you'd have to..." and he'll give. If not, it's still definitely liveable.

But you know, I was just so glad that she didn't tell me that the agreement was crap. That she didn't say something like: "What the heck is the matter with you?!? You let him get away with so much!" I've become so unsure of everything... people are all like "get as much as you can, get as much as you can" and I'm stuck feeling like 1) I need to get enough for the children; 2) if I bankrupt this man, or he's not living in the style that he feels he should - then he will, quite honestly, make my life a living hell.

Which is worse?

Throughout this whole process (it feels like) not one person has said to me "Amy, you know what you're doing." Or, "Yes, that was a good decision." More like they're all kinda thinking.... she's too nice, she's too wimpy, she's gonna give in.

And I did - but that's also called negotiation. He did, too.

So anyhow, I felt good that she said that. Really good.

Today I called my parents to tell them about it. Spoke to my mom, the last of the red hot buzz kills. "Oh. She said that?" "Well, what about this? And is he paying for this? And shouldn't he pay more for that?" And I know, I know, I know she just wants whats best. But doesn't she know that all I want is for her to say something like: "That's great. Good job. YOu worked long and hard at getting this agreement done & you must feel good that the attorney said that."

In the end when she realized I was getting a wee bit annoyed she said something like "Well, if you believe that attorney, then I guess that's good." Ugh. And I suppose I have to believe her. I hired her. I have to put my trust in one person, don't I? I mean what? Should I keep looking for attorneys until I get to one who says: "you need to get more, more, more from him?" Then will that be the right one? The one to believe?

I liked this woman. Got a good vibe from her. And honestly, our agreement is not high finance. She even intimated..."well, the numbers involved are not very high..." We have no car, no house, not so many assets (damn that graduate school that sucked them up!) so for her to look through that agreement and see what's what was not so tough.

Also, I did an in detail budget for her & she saw what I needed.

Listen (ok, look!) at me - here I am rationalizing/explaining it to you! Trying to talk myself into it.

Life in the fast lane

As I wrote over yonder today wasn't the best day. I suppose it's only natural... like erosion... the little drips, drips, drips will one day get to you...

Drip: X.
Drip: Annoying clients
Drip: Not listening kids
Drip: drip, drip of the rain
Drip: Just too many things to do & sick of doing it all.

And the sad thing is, I have a great sitter who actually does SO MUCH. I simply cannot, for the life of me imagine how I would (will?) live without her. She cleans, does laundry, finds lost things, buys batteries... imagine all the details of life that fall through your fingers when you have about 25 million things on your mind. Yep. That's her.

And heck, as uninvolved as X was, he would, at times, help me out. If I'd say: "I JUST NEED TO SIT for a minute" he would go read to the kids. Or if I said: "Leave me the hell alone or I'll throw you out the window!" (Note to ACS: This is a joke. I never, ever,ever said that to my children. At least not out loud!) He would somehow intuit that it could be his turn to help out.

Quick on the uptake, that one!

I suspect, though, that tomorrow will be better. I usually only allow myself one day like this every three months or so! So stick around! :)

Long and winding road...

So today I found a photo album I haven't looked at in a while... most of the photos in it were from the beginning of my relationship with X. Some right from when we first met, some from our first "vacation" together (Pennsyvania Dutch), our engagement party...

And I'll tell you -- it conjured up some strange feelings... for the past few years I really could not remember any good times - and good feelings for X. I mean, I knew they had to be there... but I couldn't remember them. Could only remember the bad...

Seeing these photos was a really interesting reminder. What our relationship was like at the start... things we did, day trips, snow storms....parties we went to...

Some were from our first trip to NZ... which was probably the winter after our wedding & I do remember from that trip not feeling entirely comfortable. And when I look at the photos now I see how in each one my face looks perfect. Perfectly made up. ANd I know that was because X was always checking. If you think I had to be perfect with just him... it was intensified with his family just meeting me!

But I really digress. The point of this isn't to talk about all the crap - it's really to point out, and think about, the good. There was good. We had fun. We liked doing similar things... going to strange little ethnic restaurants, finding strange out of the way places.. the rugby games we went to...

And then the pictures from our engagement party... and my dad - with his arm around X's shoulder... welcoming him into our family... and the look on X's face... so happy. He was really so happy to be in a warm, loving, supportive family -- so of course as time went on & he became more attached to them.. he'd put them down more and more

But you know, whatever it was with X - whatever our relationship was... I cannot in any way shape or form compare it to my one now with J. I'm constantly amazed and overwhelmed. Every day. (Tomorrow is 10 months!) I didn't think it was possible to feel this way about a person. Like is this really what it's like?!? (Like how I manage to start and end a sentance with the same word?!?) Amazing.

New Years Weekend

I know, I know, you've all been waiting for the New Year's Post. Sorry it's taken so long. As it is I should be making the kids lunch now... but here I am... blogblogblogging.

X took the kids Thursday night, I stayed up late watching Taxi Driver. Really just to keep tormenting J by saying "You talkin' to ME?!" (Have I ever mentioned that it doesn't take too much to keep me amused?) Friday after work went over to J's. Saturday we went to the Whitney Museum to see the Edward Hopper exhibit, and stayed up latelatelate talking. It was really nice.

Sunday morning I had the experience I wrote about here - which wasn't the best, but certainly gave me lots to think about. Then went bowling at Chelsea Piers w/J's younger daughter. Then met his older daughter and her friend at Whole Foods for dinner.(Yes, it's a super market - but they have a whole prepared food section & a salad bar)

Now, I know some people are expecting me to write about how I feel that Whole Foods is classist (along with the whole health food industry. salads so much more expensive than junk food... Whole Foods only in very well off areas... etc.) or about how pissed off I was that they do not have artificial sweetener to put in their coffee. (Me: You're out of Sweet and Low. Pimply Boy Behind Counter: No, we're not. Me: (realizing) You. Do. Not. Offer. Artificial Sweetener?!?!? PBBC: No. Me: (muttering to self) Health food Nazis... what if I was diabetic....) but I'd like to instead focus on two other things that happened.

The first was, as we were going into WF J's older daughter called - could we eat there instead of bringing the food back up to the apartment? (We had planned to pick stuff up, had bottle of wine, hang out at apt & have New Year's Eve dinner.) J asked me - do I mind. Two thoughts, running concurrently in my mind: Do I mind?!? Do I mind?!? Eating our first New Year's Eve Dinner in a super market?!?! Ack!! and Nah, I don't mind... doesn't matter. It's only dinner. It's only one New Year's Even Dinner in what I hope will be many many...

Now, what you have to understand about me is I am really able to have those two very opposite thoughts in my head at the same time. They live there. They battle it out. But, it's on the surface where the funky stuff happens. I say "No, it's fine." But my face is probably a mask of annoyance. He asks again - is it OK? "Yes, yes - really, it's fine." Unable to make eye contact. And it really IS ok... but my face and my behavior just can't go along with that to make it so.

I felt so silly. It really was SUCH a little deal... but... you know... first New Year's Eve Dinner & all...And then I'm not even going to talk about how they abandoned me in the salad bar section. I wandered around, and around and around.... feet becoming blistered from all the walking, arms becoming stiff from carrying the salad on the tray... but couldn't find them. When I finally reached J on his phone - they had .... gone... OUT of the salad bar section!!! J thought I had gone out in a huff (something to do with artificial sweetener...) but I hadn't.

It was tough, but we got past it.

But something else happened.. that is really much more meaningful, and much more important. I wondered how it would be... to be with somebody you love, who has kids. How would it be with those kids? How would it feel? And I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, because I have feelings for kids I have never met - feelings for parents (moms) I've never met so why should I not feel something, for J's kids?

So, we're sitting there, in the supermarket, eating our over-priced health food and drinking unsweetened coffee & J's older daughter is telling us all the places she will be going tonight. In Manhattan. At Night. With one other (girl) friend. Wearing a very sexy dress. In one or two areas of town that aren't the greatest...

So, I try to give my best NYC advice... areas I know, areas I don't... when should take cabs & not buses, etc... and then I say: "And oh, you can call us every hour on the hour."

Yup. Said it. Just because I'm SO COOL.

And of course you know how she responded: "I'm not six." (UGH!! Of course you're not of course you're not, of course you're not!!!) I kind of laughed: "I"m only kidding!!! (NO! I"M NOT!! CALL!!)

Omigod. Don't know how he does it. I'm getting those rolls of bubble wrap ready for my boys.....

ThursdayFriday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I'd Like For The New Year (As if this wasn't the most absolutely obvious topic! And no, these are NOT resolutions - more like wishes.)1…. To be able to do the Thursday Thirteen if not regularly, then at least on Thursdays. 2.... To be able to complete all my paperwork for work. 3.... To win the lottery (see, told you they were wishes!) 4.... To play the lottery (I know, I know - gotta play to win!) 5.... To finally take the summer toe nail polish off my toes... what's left of it. 6.... To finally be divorced. (You knew THAT one was coming!) 7.... To get up the will to have my apartment painted. (It's just that, you know, the chaos that ensues... having to take all the stuff off the walls, the chaos that ensues, having to move all the books, wall unit... and well... the chaos that ensues plays a small role in that as well.) 8.... To figure things out with my mom: Why I'm so angry every time I go there and see them. 9.... Even though I know this is obvious, I suppose I should put it in writing: To have everyone I love remain happy, healthy, strong and safe. 10.... To find some time to at least go running again (this is NOT a resolution... just something I"d like for 2007) it's been too long and I need it for body and soul. 11.... To spend more time w/J (although that kinda contradicts number 10... but maybe we could run together.) 12.... To take my kids to Disney World. 13.... For myself to be happy, healthy, strong and safe. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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So I'm thinkin'....

I'm thinking that I might ask the attorney who will be reviewing the divorce agreement if it's ok to put something in the agreement saying something along the lines of...."Each parent should provide the children with their own sleeping area (beds or sleeping bags), some toys, some books, and a place to keep these belongings."

I don't think X has that. But I'm unsure whether this is something that should be/has to be legislated. Like if he can't/won't do it on his own... what does it mean if legally (MOUSE JUST RAN UNDER MY CHAIR!) I "make" him?

And I have to stop asking Max. The other day I asked him if X had any books for them there & Max goes: "Oh yes, he has the whole Captain Underpants Series! The whole thing! More than you do!"

Call me a cynic, but I doubt X even knows who Captain Underpants is... But I can see that Max is protecting his Dad & I don't want it to become like that...

Just kinda strange to me... He has seen them, literally, about 2 1/2 days so far this month. Does not call in between. Has nothing set up for them at home, picks out their presents for them with them.. had no time to get them before, you know... because he has oh so many other things taking up his time. Huh?!?!

I know, this is who he is. Can't change it. But I hope I don't stop getting pissed off by it.

Innumerate

THIS is what I need! Then I'll be able to track how much I'll get off when the Ipod goes on sale...

(This season is obviiously, obviously getting to me - and not in the good way!)

BUY, BUY, BUY!!!

Somebody - stop me!

Ok, I totally have a bug in my butt (great expression, huh?) for one of these: The new Ipod shuffle.

The thing is, I already have an ipod - the bigger one - which means... and hear me when I say this: I DO NOT NEED ONE.

But damn! They're so cute! They're so small!! And they're.... well... they're pretty affordable considering the price of an Ipod.... (can you hear me talking myself into it? Stop! Stop! You do NOT have expendable income!! Must NOT BUY!!)

But honestly.... I didn't buy myself anything this year for Chanukah.... Ok - got those shoes on sale at Zappos... but they were only about $20... and I (kind of) needed them... and Ok - got some stuff from The Body Shop... but most of it was paid for with a gift card...

(What do you think? I'm pretty good at the ole' rationalization when I need one. Pretty much perfected the skill in my 40 some odd years...)

NO! MUST NOT BUY!

Maybe for a valentines' day present to myself....

I appreciate your help... but...

My parents are so great. They're so helpful. So supportive. Always there when I need them; always go the extra mile. Really truly - they are and they do.

They even offered to help me with the legal fees when I have an attorney review the mediation agreement. (I think they were afraid I wouldn't do it otherwise...so just nipped it in the bud!) And that's really truly wonderful.

BUT (and you knew that was coming, didn't you?) when I told my mom yesterday that I was investigating attorneys... and how much it would cost & what the procedure is.. (give them the agreement, they look & see if there are any questions - or if I have any questions - then they talk to X's attorney & work it out.) my mom asked if...drumroll please.... if they could come with me when I meet with the attorney.

Me: (omigod, she didn't just ask that, did she?!?!?) Ummm, why? Mom: Well, there might be something you might forget to ask... or something I want to ask.. Me: Ummm - no. You cannot come. Mom: Why? Me: (why is this happening?!?) Because this is my life. Mom: (deep sigh) OK, but can I ask around for recommendations for attorneys? Me: Sure.

So you know, a huge weight on all this is that friggin' peanut gallery. I can talk all big, saying that "this is my life" and yet, and still -- I value what they say. But even more than that, it's the feel like everything has to pass through their scrutiny. Their judgement. And it's impossible. Now this. So really, however this all ends... I will never hear the end of it either from X - or from them. It was "too much" or it was "too little." I am, as always, as it was through our relationship - in the middle.

I have to separate. I know. I have to be able to just not worry about the peanuts... but damn, they're so loud and persistent.

What am I?!?

OK guys, say it loud and clear: "You are a Dork." Yes. I am. I know, you're thinking.... "But you're so cool, how could that be?!?" Allow me to explain:

Yesterday evening I met my sister at The Walter Reade Theater in Lincoln Center to see a showing of Little Miss Sunshine and a Q&A with Alan Arkin - who stars in the film.

Now, I love, love, love Alan Arkin - but mostly from his work as singer in the children's folk group The Babysitters. I grew up listening to it, and actually found a CD of their greatest hits on EBay that I got soon after Max was born. I played it to death.

So, the whole time during the Q&A my mind is frantically working... how, how, how could I ask him about The Babysitters? And really, what do I want to ask? I don't have a question... it's more like a "thank-you." More like a "wow, you're the guy." More like "I really feel like I want you to know how much those records meant to me as a child." And it's funny, now that I'm thinking about it - because why would I want him to know that? And why would I think he would care? Although isn't being an actor all about positive affirmation?

So, anyhow, no - I do not get my nerve up. I can't do it. I don't really know the words to say, and also... well... public speaking - not my thing.

So, Q&A ends, my sister & I go out to the bathroom. I start buttoning up to leave & she goes back in to see the movie (I left before the movie. My parents were exhausted & they were staying w/the kids. I wanted to give them a break.) I look up & who is there... but... ALAN ARKIN. Before I know it I walk up to him and say: "It took me all night to get up my nerve, but I have to tell you - I grew up with The Babysitters Records. I love them. I play the songs for my kids." He looks at me like this is the last thing in the WORLD he wants to talk about. Do I stop? No, I do not. He says "You can still get the records?" I say "Oh yes, I got a CD on EBay." (Wrong, wrong WRONG thing to say!!) I'm kind of touching my heart and I say something like "I just want you to know how much I enjoyed it." And he says (still looking like he just wants this to be over with) "Well thank you - and thank you for getting up the nerve." And bright red, I walk away.

I walk out and play the conversation over and over in my head, and as I'm walking down the street I realize that I'm making facial contortions and actually WINCING to myself. (Well, not really to myself, people could see - my face screwed up in the pain of embarrassment!) Oy. You know that feeling, when you hash and rehash something and you just can't even bear to think about it because the embarrassment is too painful. Yup.

Today I woke up and was like well... maybe he just doen't like to be approached by people in general so that was the painful part for him -not necessarily The Babysitters part. So I'm a bit more... settled with it. So I guess I can save the Dork lable for another time - which I'm sure will present itself...

It could

It really could - count, that is. Because when I look back on the numbers, like I just did, I have no idea if that 30 is made up of lots of little posts like this, or deep, insightful, meaningful posts.....

RIght?

So

If I write lots of short posts, does that count?

posting

Yikes - look at June! I posted THIRTY times that month!

Better get on it.

So much has changed

So I was just thinkin'.... I don't know if you read in my other blog - but I sprained my left quad (I"m just going to call it a quad because I don't know how to spell it and I'm obviously just too plain lazy to look it up.) and that has made things here just a bit chaotic. Not too much, but a bit.

(Warning: somewhat sappy post ahead!)

But what has made me feel so, so good about this is - when I fell and called my office my boss said "Take a cab here - we'll pay." She called me that night: "feel better, we're thinking about you, don't worry about work" she called the next day: "how are you doing?" AND - she left a message on my voicemail yesterday telling me that if I dare to come in today she will send me home. She wants me to rest & make sure I'm better.

Now I'm not totally naive - I know that part of that is selfish - that I should get better now or risk having it be worse & take more time off later. But still. Last time I got sick - when I was at the nursing home - I came in coughing out a lung. I'm thinking...."there's something very wrong with my going into patients' rooms hacking like I'm in a TB ward.." But my boss never said anything... and any time I wanted needed time off it was soooo difficult.

And then J "I would have come to the ER with you!" And "Take care of yourself or I'm going to come over & make sure you do!" I'm sure some of you remember when I had walking pneumonia. This always stays with me, because it's so indicative of X - and it was right before we split. But I phoned him from the Dr - after the diagnosis: "I have walking pneumonia - can you pick me up at the subway to take me to pharmacy to get meds?" "No - I'm taking my mom to the museum." (It was January. His mom was visiting for 2 weeks.)

Me (crying) "But I have walking pneumonia! It's cold! Just pick me up, take me over to pharmacy - after I get drugs, then you can go out!" No. Not until I called him a third time - screaming & crying - did he agree. Then left me home. Alone. (My parents came over - with chicken soup.) (Btw - my dad picked me up @ er wed, mom came over to stay with my boys, sister came over to take them to school the next day. At least my family is always constant...)

So, you know - I realize that how it was is NOT how it should be, and how it is now IS (how it should be). But I also know that it could really be different, and I really, truly appreciate it.

It's so cool.

Sometimes Things Work Out

Yep. Sometimes they do. Actually, most of the time they probably actually really truly do. Work out. So, let me tell you what worked out - and no, it wasn't me. Although I probably did more running this weekend than I"ve done in a long while...

As any of you who have read my other blog know - X did not have the kids this past weekend like he was supposed to. BUT, did I let him get to me NO! I didn't! (Ok, a little wee bit...) I just decided that he doesn't want them, then fine - I'll just work with it. The kids are still asking when they're going to go over his place... and my best answer is the 29th - because that's when. Honestly, I don't know what to say. I just don't.

So, J. came over Friday night, and stayed for the weekend. It was sooo great. So great. He came after the kids were asleep & so surprised them in the morning! Then, he bought them a baseball bat & whiffle balls & we all went to play baseball... The kids are so comfortable with him, and it's obvious that they enjoy spending time with him... and the sad thing is, he'll probably be spending more time with them this month than their Dad...

I know you all really really want me to go into excrutiating detail about the day,or about the weekend, but suffice it to say... we just all hung out, relaxed, and played. It was so wonderful. So great. So comfortable, normal, fun, relaxing... just made me feel so good.

And I've been trying for the past hour or so to figure out the right words to describe this. Because of course I just can't take things as they are... I have to think about them... but also this has all been so overwhelming to me.... To feel so loved - for who I am; to love so much - such a wondeful person, to really feel a part of a team... not alone.... Maybe those are all the words I need.

HI!

Well, it's so nice to see that the formatting is back! Where ya' been? I suppose I should ask that of myself... guess I've been writing more here than here. I don't know what inspires me to write in which blog.... and I suppose I'll have to drop one one of these days. Pretty silly to have two. It's not like I have so much to say, or such an exciting life.

Actually, my life's pretty usual. Get up. Get kids up. Go to work. Work. Come home. Get kids to bed. Get myself to bed. Ok, granted there are special moments in between... but you know... (Ok, lots of them... but..)

But nothing to say here right now. Just popping in to say hi.

Hi.

Birthday Weekend

(Something's going on with Blogger - there are no formatting options at all. No fonts, no colors, no nothing. So I'm sorry if this looks boring; you will just have to let the words carry you along without any other extra added bonuses.)

I've lost you all already, haven't I?

ANYHOW - had a super, amazing, wonderful, stupendous birthday weekend. Went out Friday night w/some friends & J (not that J isn't a friend... but you know. Let's not quibble.) It was lots of fun.

But, Saturday was the day that clinched the whole deal. (And oh, how I wish I had either bold or italics! Just imagine that "clinched" is in italics!) We had a nice relaxing morning, then went out for (bold) lobster (bold) which is my favorite food in the world - and went to see (underline) The Drowsy Chaperone after. (See, I"m just improvising - writing in the formatting and that will probably keep your interest longer than if I actually (bold) made the words bold. Makes you work a little bit.)

The Drowsy CHaperone was amazing. Funny, clever, different, beautiful music, great set, acting - wonderful... Just great, great, great.

But now here's the thing. Get back Sunday, meet Max at Hebrew school for a family program. X came too - w/Nathan - but soon left with Nathan as Nathan was getting a bit antsy. (Funny aside - earlier in the week I had asked X if I could get the kids earlier - so we could go out for brunch for my birthday. He complained that he gets little enough time with them - and then Hebrew School takes away the rest - so "no" I could not. I asked if I could have them an hour earlier? "No." BUT, but Friday... he tells me I can take them at 12:30 - right after the Hebrew school workshop. No explanation. HA! Funny guy that X, huh?)

(Bold) BUT ANYHOW - We do the family project at Hebrew School and walk back to our house. The whole time I"m still coasting on the post weekend buzz... enjoying re-living it in my head, thinking about J, how much I love him, how wonderful everything is... but who should interrupt? What?!? A Child?!? Leave me alone! Leave me to my reverie!!

But no. They do not. Not only do they not leave me to my reverie, but they are tired, cranky, and so bloody annoying I'm about ready to rip my hair out.

So, I make it through that, my Dad comes, picks us up & we go for a family birthday brunch. THe thing is, really, I don't want to do any of this. I probably would be happy just sitting on a rock still reliving the weekend. I just wanted to be with J. (HOrrible, I"m a horrible person - my family there, all around me, showering me with presents and good will... and I want none of it.)

This is, I"m finding out, the tough, weird part about the whole divorce, every other weekend thing. To be in one zone, and then so thoroughly and totally yanked out, and forced into the other... every other weekend. (Granted, not every weekend is as stupendous as this... but allow me a bit of dramatic licence.)

So, I've equlized a bit now, still feeling pretty good and so loving the card I got from Max (which I can't upload here, but you can see at: http://www.xanga.com/Pithy11375/552831206/a-birthday-card-from-max.html It's unfortunate that the chid does not yet know how to spell boogers - especially since it is one of my all time favorite words.. (ack!) but I really do love it. It's so him.

Nearly Friday & Not Thirteen

(So tired. Why doing this?)

1. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie, but remember being SO SCARED of the pregnancy belly button pop... but by the time that happened so much else had happend to my body that the outtie was relegated to: whatever.
2. Have you ever written a song? Well, Max made it up, but I sing it... it's.... uhhh... it goes... (don't laugh) it goes... (just say it phonetically) Oh laca bowla laca a nucky wucky. (I said DON'T LAUGH!)
3. Can you make change for a dollar right now? No. Don't drive. No car. Don't need change for bus. Don't need change for nuttin'.
4. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet? Yes, and will stop only when there is Potty Parity. (Although, honestly, will think twice about ones with urinals...)
5. Have you ever written a poem? No. (Is that bad?) Do you all now think I'm a total ignorant ignoramous?
6. Do you like catsup on or beside your fries? Both. PUt some on, then a dollup on the side.
7. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? Brownie.
8. Have you ever written a book? I think all the volumes I've written in these blogs would fill a book... but no, if you MUST know - I have NOT written a book. No book. No poem. Are these supposed to make you feel good about yourself? If so, not working!
9. Have you ever broken a mirror? Yep. Have at least 35 years of bad luck stored up.
10. Are you superstitious? Not so much, but honestly, lots of bad things DO happen to me in February.... although, was X saying he wants to leave a good thing, or a bad thing...?
11. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who clink their spoons on the side of the cup when stirring. Ugh!
12. Do you slurp your drink after it's gone? Maybe... I could have... maybe once when having a rootbeer float... but since there was nobody there who saw or heard, if confronted I'll deny the whole thing!
13. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? Nope. Never. Absolutely sure.
14. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us, all we ask is that you let us have it your way! Have it your way.... Oh, the answer - either.
15. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Umm, actually... no. Ok, for those keeping score: no poem, no book, no skinny dipping. I'm so un bohemian!!
16. Would you ever parachute out of a plane? Only if my only other option was a slow and painful death.
17. What's the most daring thing you've done? Gone back to graduate school full time with two kids under the age of two. (Daring?!? Crazy!!)
18. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic? DOn't ask. Just get.
19. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza. Can't anwer this. Too mood related. But probably usually steak. No, pizza... No idea.
20. Did you have a baby blanket? Absofrigginlutely.

No Turducken Here!

Nope, no turducken, but the rest of it was pretty good. Met J. and his daughter (first one; then two) to watch them blow up the balloons for the Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was good, but soon got too cold for my whiny kids, and honestly - I don't do well in crowds... so it became a bit much for me (dealing with the cold, the whining, the crowds... not a good mix!) But still - I was glad we did it, and next year will be better...

After the balloons we went back to J.'s house for dinner. My kids, his kids and dinner. It was really great. I realized when I went through the photos that I didn't get any actual photos of the dinner, which really sucks... but I think I was just a little too nervous... ALTHOUGH - it really really went well. So well that it wasn't even anything. Like totally normal. Like this is something we do every day. I was almost like -- wait -- Where's The Drama?!?! Nope. None. Just a regular 'ole dinner. Afterwards we hung out. THen we all went to sleep( J had bought the boys Power Rangers sleeping bags, so the boys kept saying how it was camping... with the sleeping bags & all...

His kids are so totally cool. So sweet, relaxed, and really really good with my kids. Of course I can't begin to say that I "know" them now, but it was as good a beginning to the process as I could have asked for - and you gotta start somewhere!

The next morning we hung out, watched the parade on tv (were going to go, but it was just too darn rainy!) and made waffles. Ok, J and the kids made waffles, I made myself useful by snapping zillions of pictures! It was really nice, relaxing, and again - normal.

We took the train to CT for the next part of the holiday - to avoid the holiday traffic... But Grand Central Station was a mad house! It was crazy! Made it there alive, though - and the kids even though surviving on not too much sleep - were troopers on the train.

CT was ok. My family is starting to split - the religious right on one side, and the left on the other. That's really the only way I can describe it. It's just that we are moving so far apart in terms of values, etc... that I find I just really cannot tolerate being with them. So very concerned with money, so insular, so.... shallow.... and I know family is family - and I try... but they keep driving me away. Example: I didn't hear this, but my sister said my cousin's husband made a comment about rounding up all the Muslims... She showed some good sense and restraint and pointedly got up & disengaged herself from the conversation. But if I had been there.... ooh boy! What a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to say - as a person, but especially as a Jew! I tell you - I think about it now and still get upset.

Then, at the end of the day Max comes over to me and says "I have stupid toys. I don't want my toys any more. My cousin Alysson has so many cool toys - and she has some upstairs in her room AND in a play room, I ONLY have in my room!" I looked at him and so wanted to say: "But Max, Alysson has been through an awful divorce where she has been used and manipulated. Her mother doesn't care for her, her father doesn't know what to do with her, and the only real care she gets is from her grand parents. So, she has a lot of toys." But of course... I didn't. I did say that I would gladly throw out all his "stupid" toys and give them to kids who do not have any. And also explained that as he goes through life (don't you love those "as you go through life" lectures!) he will meet people who have more, and people who have less - and that's just how it is. (Yes, yes, I know - should have used the "be thankful for what you have" lecture, but...)

Sorry - this is turning into a novel! Now I have to get into the shower! To Be Continued.

I've been found out

So, you know how I like to pretend to be this normal, non-neurotic, calm, composed, relaxed, go with the flow, unflappable mother? Well, it turns out I'm really not.

Oh. You already knew that? Well thanks a whole heck of a lot for filling me in!

THe revelation started last Monday, at Max's parent teacher conference. I wrote all about it on the other blog. There I was seemingly all unconcerned about Max's grades... but who knew the monster that lurked inside?!?

Right. You're saying once again that YOU knew?!? So once again I simply must thank you for spreading your infinite knowledge my way.

Today I brought Nathan in to his pediatritian to see if he felt that he might need speech therapy. Nathan does not pronounce his "BLs" "CL's" "PLs", etc - so since he goes into kindergarten next year, I'm thinking that if anything needs to be done, I should start now.

So the doctor looks at Nathan. Listens to Nathan. And looks at me. "You know" he says "In MY day, kids didn't go for speech evaluations, for speech therapy - and most of us speak pretty well today. Nowadays it's a booming business - and I'm not saying that most children don't need it, but I am saying that lots of children get it."

Oh sure. I "get it" too.

I used to be like that - before kids. I used to be so much more relaxed... you know - don't worry until there's something to worry about... or "she'll be alright, mate." That sort of stuff.

Now when I really think of myself as one of those "more relaxed" moms... well... maybe I'm really not.

Anybody have the name of a good speech therapist?

As I was saying...

Your PMS Disaster Level: EXTREME!

You're PMS is horrific and totally freaky. You should be locked away once a month... with a ton of chocolate cake!

Are You a PMS Disaster?

Thirteen Things I Hate about PMS1…. Feeing Grumpy 2.... Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy 3.... Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling antsy 4.... Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling antsy, not sleeping 5. Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt. 6....Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever 7...Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs 8....Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling antsy, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having a hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue. 9. Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling antsy, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having a hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue, not fitting into any of my clothes 10. Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue, not fitting into any of my clothes, falling asleep at work 11. Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue, not fitting into any of my clothes, falling asleep at work, feeling entirely too uncomfortable in my own skin. 12.... Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling ansty, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue, not fitting into any of my clothes (probably from all that bloat eating all that salt!), falling asleep at work, feeling entirely too uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling constant, overwhelming sense of lethargy. 13. Feeling grumpy, feeling crampy, feeling antsy, not sleeping, eating entire containers of salt, having no frustration tolerance whatsoever, sore boobs, having hard time not screaming at my kids 'til my face turns blue, not fitting into any of my clothes, falling asleep at work, feeling entirely too uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling constant, overwhelming sense of lethargy AND feeling it get worse, and worse, and worse as the week progresses! UGH!Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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