Go on. Ask me. Ask me: "How is it going with your new sitter?" Because I know you're dying to know.
Ahhh, "The New Sitter" I will answer you "is with issues. ." (Good word: . Don't get to use it that often.)
Allow me to discuss. Chronologically. She started end of November... with my other sitter training her before she left. The second day she was to be there by herself... I kinda panicked. I had no reason to... it was just that I hadn't heard from her and somehow just had the feeling that she might not be there to pick up the boys. (And no. PMS had NOTHING to do with it!) I called my old sitter! I texted her! "Please! Can you go by the bus stop! I haven't heard from new sitter! I don't know if she's coming!" Old sitter said she would.. but that she had to tell me... she thought new sitter was a bit weird. Her mom, who met new sitter also felt that she was a bit weird...
I thought about it and wrote it off to cultural differences. New sitter is Brazilian. Emotional. Effusive. And, she called me and was there. At the bus. Had done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I had really no reason to feel that way.. but for some reason... I did. (Forboding music.)
She instant messages me: "You're my boss, right?" "Umm, yes." "But you are also my friend?" "I guess..." Not really sure how to feel about this... want to make sure the boundaries are there, but she's nice. She's sweet.
Fast forward to a week or so later. She calls me. Crying. She's homesick. I talk to her for a bit. I tell her that it's difficult, but will be easier when she's in school. How it's so amazing that she is here.. talk about all her strengths for getting on the plane and coming here. She calms down.
I contact a woman I knew from the student exchange program where I used to work. (I also used to work with Brazilian students... so I have a bit more knowledge than the average bear, I guess...) She lived in Brazil. Loves Brazil. Speaks Portuguese. I put new sitter in contact with this woman.. to help her adjust to here.
Thinking my job is done I pat myself on the back. "Good job" self. Lots of good helping there.. linkages made... well done.
Then a day or two later... she instant messages me... has to tell me something... it seems she is well.. gay. Or she thinks she's gay. She has been with women. But she does not want to be gay. She doesn't think it's "normal." **Shock!** (Not about the gayness, about the sudden sharing...) I asked: "Why do you want to tell me this?" "Because I work for you and want you to know." Uh huh. No. She wants a therapist. She wants a mother.
She starts in: "How will I tell my parents? My mom is religious. She will flip. will you help me tell her?" I do the whole "it's no big deal, they will be happy that you are happy.. love is love whoever it it is..." Then she says "But it's not normal! I want to be normal! I don't want to be gay!" I stop. I tell her - listen. I can't help you with this. You need to talk to somebody. Maybe somebody who is gay? I give her info on two women I work with. One a social worker, one a social work student. They said they would talk to her. They are gay.
She contacts them. They contact me. "OOH boy! Is she needy!" Uhh... yeah. I know. They give her info on clinics, places for students who are "questioning" tell her that those are the best.
She instant messages me: "When a man and woman have sex there's penetration... but when two women have sex there's none. Is that still sex? Do gay people call it sex?" !!!!!! I tell her it's probably just a matter of semantics (which of course she did not understand) and refer her to the clinics I know my friends referred her to. I tell her she's confused... she needs to talk this out with professionals.... NOT ME. I just keep up that line. I will not talk about it with her. I just keep referring her to the clinics until she says she will go.
So, things have calmed down.. I suppose. Last night she tells me (instant messages me) about a guy she met on Saturday. I ask her some questions... then I find out that she is instant messaging him at the same time - and asking him the questions I've asked her - about him. Can you say Cyrano?!?!
Then she instant messages me: "He is asking what type of guys I like.. and if I like Hot guys. What does that mean? Does he just want sex?" I tell her that if he is making her uncomfortable then she should tell him to stop. She does, but he responds that he's just being open. (Dick.) I tell her that it's ok to be open, but only when it's appropriate and it's too soon and it's making her uncomfortable. She pretty much cuts and pastes what I write & he and says ok. He stops. Yep. The power of a woman who has "been through all that" and a young guy. Have to say, I enjoyed it. Couldn't put them in their places when I was that age... but I can sure as shit do it now!
Then. This morning Max says he has dreams about her. That she is going to take him away. I say... oh... do you feel safe with her? He says he doesn't. I say "not that you do not like her, but do you feel safe?" He says no. He says he did with the other sitters... but not with her.
SO. Given the countless red flags that have been waving their ruddy faces at me... and this... with Max saying this... I have to listen to my kids and take what they say seriously... I do.
But jeez! Do I have to look for another sitter AGAIN!?!? Do I?!!? And how in the world am I going to fire this one?!? HOW!?!?!
Stay tuned for this blog station for more info on Why Can't My Life Just Coast Along Nicely? Calmly?
ETA: I'm home today. Had a cough for the past... oh... month so finally went to the Dr. Have almost bronchitis (no fever) and almost walking pneumonia (wheezing in left lung). Also have lecture from dr as to why I waited so long to take self to dr....
My friend, Andrew Golkin
1 week ago