Saturday, May 17, 2008

Max's Birthday

Today is Max's birthday. He's 8. I still can't really believe it. I was looking at his face, as he was falling asleep tonight - and this image of his ultra sound photo popped into my head! (Ok, well... in thinking about it I'm wondering how I know it's HIS ultrasound photo that popped in? Because. Let's be honest here... they all kinda look alike, don't they? Like don't you think the ultra sound technicians have a pile of photos they just give to the patients who come in for their scans? Just sayin'. But anyhow - he looked like A ultrasound picture, which somehow doesn't sound as nice and mushy and sentimental.)

Well, that's probably because I'm usually not so very mushy and sentimental. I can be nice. Although I've been told I'm not nice enough to be a flight attendant. I don't suffer fools gladly. And I don't have a poker face.

Oh. But wait. This was about MAX. It being his birthday and all... I mean, it's not like I worked really hard to give BIRTH to him or anything, is it?

Ok, ok. So he actually hit a home run today at his little league game, which was really cool. The team is really starting to come along - they ALL hit. The score was 19-4!!!

But here's the interesting part (you were waiting for this. I know.) I was there with X. Just us. (And Nathan, but he's always there... so....) And. It. Was. Ok. Normal. Calm. A bit strange.

We sat next to each other. We talked about the kids. We talked about books we had read, movies we had seen. We talked politics. Ok, when I went down to the snack bar & politely asked him if he wanted anything I did NOT expect him to say "sure, a hot dog." But if I didn't want to buy him anything I shouldn't have offered.

THEN, after we went out for a birthday dinner for Max. X didn't want to go at first. I told him I'd treat. He came. I wasn't sure if I should push it, given Max wanting us to move back in together... but I don't know... we were both there, it was his birthday... I felt like we should all be together.

By and large it worked. It's amazing how you fall back into those rhythms: the private jokes, the nicknames we had for relatives... it felt normal. But it wasn't.

I"m reading this book "Custody Chaos, Personal Peace: Sharing Custody with an Ex Who Drives you Crazy." and the author makes a point of reminding us that our Ex's are human. That we did, at one point see something in them... and that they are not perfect. (This is all part of his idea that if you don't let what happens with your Ex stress you out as much, then you have more control...) So this was good.

But still. Strange.

Friday, May 16, 2008


Well, there are still people searching for "frustration boobs" on my blog. Hope this somehow eases their frustration.... (but I'm thinkin' probably not.)

To any of my "May Moms" friends who read this: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Can you believe our kids are going to be eight? Can you believe we've known each other for almost nine years?!?!? Anybody want to start planning the ten year reunion?

I told my boss I thought, in 20-20 hindsight.... that it was kind of mean of her to tell us six weeks out that one of us will lose our job the end of this month. She got a wee bit defensive.. but I had to. This is torture.

X called me. Said we have to start teaching Max some tact. When I asked why, he said the other day at Little League Max said, in his typical quiet, well modulated tone of voice: "I couldn't go to practice the other day, I had to go to the psychologist." He said the whole team heard. I started laughing when X told me this. I said well, maybe his generation will look at it differently. Not as much stigma. Remember when people used to whisper cancer? And let's not even get started about AIDS... But, I suppose I should talk to Max about some things being private... but I want to make sure to keep it in a way that does not make it anything bad/wrong/different.

When you stop and think about this parenting thing. I mean stop. Think. How we just do it... no rules, no flash cards, no umpire.... we just get thrown in there & do it... and it's so important. When I think about that I think... OK, it's important but then maybe if you think about it being too important then that makes you too self conscious... and just stop thinking about it and do it. So I stop thinking about it.

Nathan is a very nervous boy. It really started this past year, when he started kindergarten. He is so worried about doing something wrong (wonder where he got that from? Ref: above paragraph) But it almost throws him into a panic. He won't wear his denim jacket because the teacher wants them to button up & he can't button those buttons. So he WILL NOT wear it. It has to be something that zips. Or the teacher will get angry. Even if I say "but it's warmer now" or the little white lie: "I spoke to Ms G - she said it's OK." Nope.

The other day, when I was in the city and he was going to X's, he was nearly in tears. On Wednesdays Max goes to the aforementioned psychologist & the kids go right from the bus to the office. They do not take the stuff out of their back packs. Then they go from the psychologist to X's. He was crying to me "Mom, you have to see my notes. The teacher said we have to empty our folders every day! To show our work to our parents!" When I said he could show it to X, then he said "But Daddy puts the papers back into the folder and they get crinkled! The teacher will get upset if they're crinkled!" Omigod. That poor boy. So much pressures. (And this might read like it's sarcastic, but it's not. I mean it. Imagine have that many worries! At six!!)

So we came up with the solution that the babysitter will take the notes/papers out, take them home with HER and bring them back the next day. I'm not entirely sure what that means... since no parent will see them.. but maybe he feels like they're safe? Not crinkled?

I spoke to the Assistant principal at the school (who I lovelovelove!) and she suggested the guidance counselor. We'll see. I'm kind of cynical about guidance counselors... the ones I've dealt with have not been too much on the ball. But we'll see.

If not, I'm thinking Nathan might need the psychologist a wee bit more than Max.

And then I have to go back to thinking.... we only do what we can. We have no rule book.....

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Monday, May 12, 2008

Sunday, May 11, 2008


These are ALL the photos from our weekend at Mohonk Lake House. It was. Amazing.