Sometimes it's just amazing to me just how many mood swings I can go through in a day. Even without PMS! (Although.... hang on.....ok. Maybe a little bit of PMS - but still!)
Woke up this morning with that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had emailed X the day before, telling him that if he's living with his girlfriend I would like more for child support because 1) He will not be spending as much; 2) I will need to hire a sitter if he cannot take the children on Wednesdays.
So I was a little anxious about hearing back from him. I don't usually take the bull by the horns like that... you know - take the aggressive/assertive stance.
Then he sends me back this email - telling me how he will not pay more than $300 for child care (after Sept 2007) will only pay $500 per chlld for camp, etc, etc, etc.
Well, it totally knocked me for a loop. What am I going to do? How am I going to deal with this? I CAN'T deal with it... I'm just going to have to get a lawyer...
Then I'm out, walking to a client, and I realize: Hey - we've already drafted an agreement. WHat he wants are CHANGES. *I* am in the power seat. He wants changes to the status quo and it is up to me to grant them. Or not. OR - if I don't, it is up to HIM to hire an attorney...
If I want, I can fight him about getting more - but at this point I don't think I have to worry about getting anything less. I'm not sure if a draft of an agreement is enforceable.... but if he starts just doing his own thing in terms of payments... well, even he would know that's not Kosher.
So, by the time I get back to my office, I'm feelin' kinda good. I mean, really -- my life right now *is* so good. I love my job. I love my boyfriend. I love my kids. I have good friends, I do fun things. I make a difference.
Now if only somebody would come with a bag of oranges & tend to X... things would be nearly perfect.
Well, as I was saying on the other blog, actually - X is moving in with his girlfriend. So I'm pretty much ok with it. At least I am in terms of the him moving on with his life aspect of it - but as I wrote HERE -and here (and there will be more, I promise!) there are a whole host of other issues that are bugging me about this.
So one of the things I've been thinking about is the whole when do the new boyfriends/girlfriends stay over? Or the whole sleeping arrangement thing. So far X has been sleeping in his girlfriend's bed - with the two kids - when they come over & she sleeps on the couch. THat can't last.
And probably my kids are two young to really understand the whole thing... (sex and all, I mean) but why do I feel so self conscious about it? Like I"m thinking - ok, once they see me in bed (sleeping, just sleeping!) with J - then that is when the trrauma will start! That is when they will think "My Dad is gone." I don't know. I don't know where that comes from. Because logically I understand that once they get to know the boyfriend/girlfriend it should progress naturally/organically... and seeing the person in the bed should NOT be anything but natural.
(And I was then, of course worrying about the whole sex before marraige thing - and "don't do what I do, do what I say." But H. reminded me I can just say: "No sex until you are a grown-up." WHich is probably much more realistic. So that helped me out of that potential moral morass.)
I wrote to X that we need to (should, I wrote should - not need too! Need to would be far to directive and nagging!!) talk about the sleeping arrangements - once he moves in w/his girlfriend. But now I'm thinking that maybe I'm really just putting up roadblocks for him & that isn't so important.
I don't know - this whole divorce/post divorce life is just too confusing for me. And also, I know myself - I think, think, over think, and then think again about stuff that should just be left well enough alone. And in the process, make myself just a wee bit crazy. And in terms of everything else, maybe this should just be put on the back burner for a while...
1. FIRST NAME? Amy 2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Don't think so - Hebrew name after my Dad's mom, though. 3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Wednesday 4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? absolutely NOT 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDSWITH YOU? Are you kidding? We'd be BFF!! 7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Ummm - this? And this 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, no a thousand times, NO 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Hmmm, I like Lucky Charms, but mostly just the marshmallows... otherwise some granola-y sort of cereal... I usually mix a bunch of them together. Like lotsa stuff in each spoonful! 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not unless I'd pull a muscle trying to get them off otherwise. 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Mentally/emotionally - yes - physically - not so much. (Although I'm stronger than I look! Remember, I was the ONLY one helping X move - and you know he would have called the strongest person he knows to help him, right? 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Hmm, pistachio, or ginger, or... well - like the cereal I love icecream with lotsa stuff in it, too - like chocolate cookie thin mint oatmeal raisin... You get the idea. 14. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 4.5-5 15. RED OR PINK? Now I want to know why this has to be an either or... different colors for different circumstances, I say! But, I suppose, if pressed.... ummm... pink. 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? my thighs! 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Sarah, Linda, Maggie ... 18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans; black socks 20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Replacements - Let it Be. 22. If YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? steel grey 23. FAVORITE SMELL? Hmmm, can't say I have one. They're mood based, I think. 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE. The C-Town Delivery Man - wanting to know if he had the Halloween Candy and yogurt I bought - and when he was going to bring them over. 25 THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? their smile 27. FAVORITE DRINK? Ice Cold Beer on hot summer night/day, hot chocolate on cold day, hot tea when feeling a bit under the weather. 28. FAVORITE SPORT? Does this count as a sport? 29. EYE COLOR? hazel 30. HAT SIZE? Do people still do that? No idea. I do know I have a very tiny head... 31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope. 32. FAVORITE FOOD? lobster. 33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings - without a doubt. 34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black 35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summersummersummer!!! 36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO IN LIFE? Spending time with my family, with J.... 37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Hmmm, apple pie ala mode or cheesecake.