What to do, what to do, what to do...

So last week I posted either here or on other blog (don't I wish there was some automatic thingy that would make a link to "other blog" each time I wrote it out. Or maybe I should just assume that the same people read this all the time & they know the other blog already, and are saying to themselves: "we KNOW the other blog already - will you jsut stop linking to it!?!?" Maybe they do. Maybe I should. Or maybe not.) about Max's old sitter... I'll caller ES (for Ex-sitter, get it?)

She was Max's sitter from when he was about 6 months - when I first went back to work - 'til he was about 18 months or so (when Nathan was born). She was my Uncle's girlfriend, and a social worker - so I had a pretty high level of trust in her, and that made it easier to leave my first born for the first time.

BUT - I didn't like leaving him, she kept saying .... welllll.... kinda strange stuff - like how she would like to rub the lotion on him... how it was sensual... and how she brought him to Sears for his first portraits (ones with her!) when I had been planning to do it... letting him jump on the couch when he was just learning to walk and was so unsteady on his feet.... stuff like that. Not MAJOR alert the authorities stuff... but - well - things that make you go "huh?" (I should mention that she has bi-polar... which I'm not sreally sure how much it figures into it or not. I figured it's controlled with medication... so it's fine... but I think her ssense of boundaries and impulse control are probably not the best.)

THen, through the years she has helped me out - but even though she said she "loved" both boys, really favored Max, would buy them (not age appropriate) presents, and if I would say "this isn't appropriate" would say to them: "You Mom says no."

I'd call her up: "Please - no more toys." "Please - no more candy." "No, you may not take Max down to the subway platform to watch the trains." "Please, please, please stop buying them things!" She gave the kids no boundaries, no guidlines - and when I questioned her on this she said "that comes from you - not me, I'm here for fun." And so, so so many things that I would hear that made me question her judgement. And I always, always, always felt ....well... just kinda uncomfortable. Like Max was everything to her. Her world. She'd tell me how she thought about him on her vacation, how all her friends know about him.... and just leave me feeling ever more uncomfortable.

So, in June some time I get a call from the kids regular sitter: "Amy, ES was supposed to pick up Max from the bus, but I see him here with somebody else." I call ES "Yes, I made a mistake. I was late on the subway, panicked & called this woman!" (The woman, incidentally, would NEVER be somebody I would leave my children with.)

When I called ES to talk about it, she wouldn't talk - then left a message asking why I'm not nice to her, that she doesn't deserve it, etc, etc. And she's right. I've been keeping this anger at her in for such a long time. So many times I've wanted to end this - but feel sorry for her, or the Greek Chorus saying "YOu're going through a divorce, Max needs as much support as he can get..." So, against my gut I let her continue seeing him/them.

I called her back & said she was right. No more. It's not healthy for any of us. I become a mean, cold person to her - which is not fair and it's not appropriate for Max. (Jeez, I"m sorry - this is getting so long!) She sends me this letter, saying Max is a "Prince" and she will always remember their time together.

SO - this past Saturday I get a voicemail - she hopes I won't be so cruel as to keep them apart, and how she won't be able to live without him/them, and she can't believe that I really think that she is such, such a horrible person...

Can anybody say "emotional blackmail?"

I haven't called her back yet - because I have about 25 million other things swimming around in my mind... but I'm going to have to. I can either cut her off entirely, or have tightly supervised visits. THese visits would have to be with me, which would throw us right back on that treadmill again...

Crap.

Thirteen Reasons Why I Love My Job1…. I have direct contact with the people I work with. 2.... My job is to help an individual, not a company, organization, or bottom line. 3.... I work with people who are just as vested as I am. 4.... Every day is different. 5.... I get to go into different homes, and have a window in to all sorts of different lives. 6.... I hear stories of great strength and fortitude from people who have lived long, long lives. 7.... I hear stories of incredible sadness, and know that if there is any way possible, and if they will let me, I can (try to) help. 8.... That when I can't help I have a group of supportive peers who help me understand that I've done all I can. 9.... I hear stories about New York City, and how it was fifty, sixty, seventy years ago. 10.... I feel really young. :) 11.... It's a chance not to think about myself, my issues, and my problems and worry about others. 12.... I don't get paid well. (Just checking to see if you're paying attention!) 13.... I put so much time and effort into graduate school... and went through so many crappy and inappropriate jobs... that it's just so great to find where I fit. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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Bang & Olufsen's Helping Hand reminds you to take meds - Engadget

Bang & Olufsen's Helping Hand reminds you to take meds - Engadget

It's SO GREAT that companies are realizing that their market for people who need to be reminded to take many medications is one that could use and afford a product like this.

I guess after a client I saw yesterday (you can read what happened here) this just kinda pisses me off. So many seniors need help with things like this, reminders to take meds seems like a minor thing - but forgetting to take one, or forgetting that you DID take one, then taking two... well... on an already fragile system. Not too good.

And people think of the "retirees" going on cruises, RV'ing through the US National Parks... and really -- it's more the exception than the rule. They are on fixed, fixed incomes in a country where things are getting increasingly expensive, where children move further and further away, and where the government support for their healthcare is dwindling.

Off my soap box. Going in the shower.

N.Y. woman wins lottery for second time - Yahoo! News

N.Y. woman wins lottery for second time - Yahoo! News

No, no - it wasn't me. But a person can dream.... And I know, I know - gotta play to win. Guess I gotta play.

Love to win...

And can I mention...

Max understands sarcasm. Yesterday when we were walking back from my picking them up from X I said something like "Boy, I'd really like that more than anything!" And Max looked at me and said: "you really mean the opposite of what you said, don't you?" I was astounded! I told him that yes, I actually did, and explained that I was being sarcastic.

I don't know what I was more impressed with - the fact that he understood the whole "opposite" thing (like my way with words?) or that he had the intuition to get it.

Wow

So today is Max's first day of Hebrew School. I'm so excited! That's why I'm up so early!! (No. Lie. I woke up 'cause a new cork tile that I bought @ K-mart with the idea of being able to tack up school notices - fell down and scared the crap out of me.)

For those of you who are so inclined, you can read about my Hebrew School escapades with X on my other blog. It was so great when I went to pick Max up yesterday -from X (and my sister actually came with me, because I felt her presence might actually keep X a little.... quieter.) and X said, in this obnoxious voice: "Have fun at Hebrew School, Max." Causing Max to run away yelling: "I don't want to go to Hebrew School, I don't want to go!!" My sister & I were able to explain to him that it's not all bad, and that he might actually have some fun... so I think we've gotten past this crisis.

I totally lashed out at X, though - "Will you f*ckin' shut up! You better support this!" I usually don't even bother - a waste of energy. (I've noticed I've been cursing more. Gotta watch that.) And he just smiled at me. So really, it was a waste of energy. Dick.

Hooray! Just tried to upload a photo and it worked!! That's Max in his new tennis outfit! He starts tomorrow! The raquet is curtesy of my wonderful boyfriend, J - who loved the idea of getting him his "first racquet." And I cannot tell you how psyched Max is. Wanting to practice already. Hitting a tennis ball on our balcony - banging into neighbor's wall. (Sorry, neighbors!!) Luckily they're nice & also have a young boy....

Funny/sad (but mostly sad) - I don't think X has ever bought Max (or Nathan - except he did get him a toy aircraft carrier for his last birthday) anything. All the Hanukah, birthday stuff was bought by me. And he never buys stuff just for the sake of buying! What a waste that would be!! And you know, it doesn't have to be what you buy... just that you're thinking of somebody. And come on, birthday? CHanukah? Little treat at the park?!?

And on that note, when I picked the kids up yesterday (they had been to Bronx Zoo w/X) I saw they had little toys! (Good segue, huh?) Boy, was I surprised! I said: "How nice of Daddy to do that for you!" But found out Janet got them for them. Ohhh, of course. X smiled sheepishly "But I paid for them." (I'll let that statement stand on it's own.)

Then I found out that the kids had "Puerto Rican Icecream" in the Bronx. (That's how Max phrased it.) Which I always actually thought was Dominican (when you see the carts on the street...) but in doing this search I have found out that it's also Phillipino... so...... But X! Doing that?!? Interesting to see how Janet will play out with the kids. Already looks like it's a bit in their favor!