Sigh

I've been unemployed for a bit more than a month. I've been on three job interviews (two for the same job) so I've really been doing ok. Especially given this economy.

But damn - it's so disheartening.

I went on an interview today & I KNEW they really liked me. I liked them. I sent a "Thank You" email a bit ago and got this response:

"it will be a while this process, but you are terrific. We are hoping to diversify our staff so not sure how it will play out but we will definitely keep you in mind. I'll let you know We are trying someone out who interviewed weeks ago and I'll let you know how it works out after about 2 weeks, In the mean time, stay wonderful and we'll let you know what happens.

Your energy and your heart are just beautiful. " So Ok. That's actually not a horrible rejection. But it is nonetheless -- especially since I felt like they were ready to offer me the job right then and there. I have to work on not getting SO excited. J says I'm negative, but I think it's easier to be that way -- that way I don't get disappointed....

And the 2nd interview? (Went last Thursday.) Haven't heard back from them yet, and as far as I know they haven't even contacted my references. I wouldn't be that anxious -- except I really feel like I messed up the interview. When she asked for references instead of just saying "sure" I said "oh, well, my supervisor can't give references... company policy... it has to go through HR -- but I have co-workers who can give..." She looked at me -- with a new look. "Oh" she said "I'd really like to talk to a supervisor. You mean she won't talk to me on the phone?"

And to make matters worse, when I sent her my list of references I just gave her the phone number to the main office: HR. Didn't even give her my supervisor's name.

I just panicked.

J has coached me since: "Don't give more info than they ask for.... you have references -- just give them." He's right.

So, I have this feeling of dread about this job. I won't get it.

And yes, I've only been unemployed for a month - and have been on two interviews... but....

This whole thing just sucks.

Ok. Done feeling sorry for myself.

Because I like to make things MORE complicated...

I went on a job interview Sept 8th. It went well. They called me back & I went for a 2nd interview -- just this past Thursday. I can assume that went well too, since they asked for my references.

Great, right?

C'mon guys, this is me -- you know things can't just be simple! You know I can't just NOT think and NOT over think and not THINK some more.

The position I went in to interview for originally was for a social worker position. The position I interviewed for at the second interview was a social work supervisor position. I knew the supervisor position was available, but specifically did NOT apply for it. I didn't (don't?) want it. I have enough going on in my life, I have to have a flexible schedule -- I can't do this now.

So, when the Director of Social Work started to tell me about the job I said "This is the Social Worker position?" And she replied "no - it's the supervisor. The other one is already filled."

(Cue internal panic.)

But, as she was telling me about the job I actually started to get excited. I started to think: "Hey, I could do this. I could enjoy this." PLUS - the salary would probably be a good 10-20 thousand more than I made before. Think about that. Ponder it. Let it stew. (Disclaimer: Before you think that this will be a huge salary -- remember: I. Am. A. Social Worker. There's no such thing.)

Then she says "Well, there might be one or two late days.... if there is an emergency or some thing..." And I panic again. I can't do that.

She asks for my references. I tell her my supervisor is not allowed to give a reference -- only HR -- but that I have co-workers and others who will give references. She looked at me, I felt, somewhat askance.. but what could I do?

I now find myself in the strange, and yet not so unusual for me, position of worrying that I will get the job AND worrying that I won't get the job.

It's hard being me, no?