Last night - for the first time in quite a while - I had my bed to myself. Slept like a rock. Went to sleep and woke up in the exact same position. Almost freaky.
YOu know, I love my kids, and I can think of nothing better than sharing my bed with J - but I have to say, one of the first things I noticed about life without the Xwas how nice it was to have my bed to myself. (The nights the kids were over at the X's.) That and going to the bathroom with the door open. (Was that too much information?)
It's just that I honestly have not ever had much of my own space. I grew up sharing a room with my sister, went to college -had roommates, after college lived in Manhattan with roommates - then met the X. I had one year "on my own" in my miniscule studio. (Really, this place was small. Some people couldn't come in because they'd have a claustrophobia attack. But, funny thing - the bathroom was HUGE.)
I loved, loved, loved, loved, LOVED having my own space. When I first moved in I didn't go out for a while (no, no - went to work & stuff - just not other activities). I just enjoyed the quite sanctity and solitude of my own space... Nothing quite like it.
So, last night - kids at X's, J not able to stay over & I luxuriated in my own bed and my own space.
And yes, yes, I know - the next post should be about how I should spend the summer making sure the kids learn how to stay in their own bed - it's not doing anybody any good. Last summer felt too guilty about the Big Split of X & I to do it - now it's enough time.
And oh -last night talking to my Dad. "You know, your mom & I were talking about how well the kids are doing - and maybe it is yet to happen - but they haven't really had any trauma from your break-up (why do I use that euphemism?). I's a testament to you - and I suppose the X - that they've been doing so well."
"Yet to happen?!?!" WTF?!?! I think that'll have to be another post too - gotta get into the shower.
Last night I went out with J, my boyfriend, and H, my best friend. They hadn't met before. It was lots & lots of fun - as I knew it would be.
BUT - here's the thing - we're talking & not sure how it came up in conversation but they BOTH divulged that they do not like Pineapple Lumps. (And those of you who think I am devoting too much of this blog time to the Lumps - I say, if you don't like it...... come on.... guess... what am I going to say?!? It's so obvious! You'll be so upset with yourself if you don't get it! LUMP It!!! Hee, hee, hee...!!!!
So, anyhow, as I was saying....
One of them mentions it & the other was like "Yeah, she had me try one, too - and I didn't have the heart to tell her - they're so sweet! I couldn't eat any more of it!"
THen they both went on for a good five minutes about how sickeningly sweet the lumps are, and how they couldn't possibly ever eat more than a mere slivre. Not knowing that I had almost single handedly polished off an entire bag.
So, you won't guess what I did today. You won't. I promise. But try. Guess. One little wee guess! It has to do with something I've written about recently....
Oh ok, ok - I'll tell you: I gave up a lump. A pineapple lump. Now, I want you to fully understand the significance of this. I like candy, it's true. And I like chocolate - that is also true - but I usually have pretty good will power. Like I have this box of delicious chocolates that my wonderful boyfriend got for me & I'm waiting for us both to eat them. Unfortunately, it seems that we just always start watching videos & forget about them.... !!!!
But, I'm saying this to put it into some sort of context for you. I love the lumps. I have devoured the bag - except for about 5 of them. (ANd oh, ok - the bunch I brought to the office last Friday .... so I suppose I shared a bit -- but honestly: I cringed when they took seconds...)
But, I was eating some today, and who should come over - but Max. "Mom, can I have a lump?" Caught!!
I gave him one, and we talked about how they're my most favorite candy - and how they only have them in New Zealand & how his dad said that we could never move to NZ because I"d eat too many of them. (Luckily he does not realize the tone that statement took when it was directed at me - from X.)
He thought it was so cool. So...... I....... I...... I still can't believe it but..... I....... (suspence killing you?)
Gave him a bunch as a surprise in his snack tomorrow for lunch.
I had my kids this weekend, and by the end of the weekend (which I suppose is just about now) I just feel like maybe I'm not such a good mom. (And I just tried to do a google image search for a photo of a bad mom & apparently many, many, many moms also think of them selves as "Bad Moms" - for whatever that's worth. Oh, and that woman who drove her kids into the water - don't remember her name.)
I don't know, I just don't have patience. "Mom, look at this!" "MOm, get me that!" "Mom, let's do this!" "Mom, wipe me!" "Mom, Max is sitting on me!" "Mom, I dropped the key in the toilet!" (We flushed it. Don't ask.) "Mom, I'm hungry!" "Mom, I'm thirsty!" "Mom, I can't breathe!" (Kidding. I'm kidding.) Demands, demands, demands! And yes, some are more important than others -- but damn if I don't find the "I"m hungry" demand just as annoying as the "Mom, look at this" demand.
I just want to say: "Leave me the hell alone!! Go wipe your own damn butt! Feed your own damn self!"
Ok. I don't. Of course I don't. I wipe the butt, I look at what they're doing, I feed them, bathe them, clothe them and even hydrate them on occasion. But...... Sometimes I'd rather be oh, doing just about anything else.
Then my parents came over today - to help me out. I wanted to take Max to see his camp before he starts on THursday. I can use the X's car, or we could take a bus (not far away) but I mentioned to my parents & they said they'd come out to drive us over. So they came over, took us all out for lunch & then we all drove over. And all they did was annoy me. Max would ask a question - I'd start to answer but my mom would just answer. Then I got Max these new water shoe/clogs & my parents BOTH kept telling him how he was going to fall & not to run. (As he was running.)
Also, stupid stuff like: "DId you get the medical form done?" "Have you labeled all his clothing?"
Ok, I just admitted I might not be the best mom - but that doesn't mean I don't do that sort of stuff! (Shit, where IS that medical form.....) And I know, I know, I KNOW - they are just being parents -my parents - and I shouldn't let it get to me. But it does. (And I'm not even PMS'ing, either!) And just because I"m letting the kids stay up a half hour longer because POwer Rangers was on at 8 and not 8:30 & I wouldn't let them put on toon Disney because I thought it wasn't on - even though they kept wanting to check & I stubbornly said NO YOU CANNOT and now I feel so awfully guilty that I'm letting them stay up to watch Cyberchase and get tired and be cranky tomorrow so they can be just as tired and annoying...
But, I'll be at work. (Heh, heh.)
(An aside: Just wondering - who the hell invented the yogurt in a tube? I mean, think about it? Somebody had to actually think that up....