Tuesday, August 29, 2006


I think this is ok now. Still haven't figured out what's going on with the photo uploady thingy, though...

I'm out at my parents' this week - and for the past day or so have been trying to remember my blogger user name/password! I just couldn't. This is crazy with so many accounts, names, passwords... one day I feel like I'll just forget all of them! Then what?!? And you're not supposed to write them down anywhere, right? Crazy.

So here's what's been on my mind lately - X's brother is coming Thursay (or wednesday, not sure. Some medical conference in Vegas, then coming here for about a week.) When X told me he was coming I was the one who switched our times around so the kids could see him. Now, before I get all self-superior (is that a word?) that could have very well been a function of my compulsive calender looking and obsessing over what is going to happen when. I did do this like three weeks or so before his brother was due to come. So maybe I did it before he was going to - not that he wasn't going to. Got it?

BUT, we are having a bbq out here on Saturday - with family - and I know the kids would love it. So, I asked X if they could stay here for Saturday - instead of going back to see him (and brother) and X said ok. That means kids will see X (and brother) sunday day, night and monday.

NOw here's the crazy, crazy, crazy clincher: I feel guilty. I feel like they should be there with an uncle that they've pretty much never seen. THey should get to know him. And I worry that they will all think (they being X-in-laws who I still have very good relationship with) that I'm keeping kids here w/my family... who they see fairly regularly... and not with his.

Crazy, right!?!? I mean, I asked X - he said "ok" - why am I eating myself up over this?!?

Ok. I know why. It's because I still expect him to be/act a certain way -- that he should really want and care that the kids get a chance to meet his brother.. and maybe he really doesn't. But I still can't really even get my mind around that... WHY would he not want them to?!?

And of course, why should I be the only one worried about this? Like, his brother didn't contact me to say that he would be coming & can't wait to see the kids... Nothing. It's all coming from me.

Must stop.

Hope he's bringing me some pineapple lumps!

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