Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What a loooong week!

I don't know, guys, doesn't it feel like this week is just dragging on.... I keep thinking tomorrow is Friday - and it's not!!!

Yesterday I went to meet with the "review attorney" the one who I reviews the divorce agreement X and I worked out with our mediator. She is out outside eyes.

I didn't realize it, but I must have been really, really nervous about seeing her - which I think also played into my mood on Monday. When I left her office I just felt such a huge surge (hmm, where have I heard that word before?) of relief!

But, I'm sure you're curious! What did she say, what did she say?!? Well, I'll tell ya'. She said it looked like a good agreement. The one thing that she said she felt I should try to change was that we would split college costs 50-50 -- she felt it should be pro-rata.

She also said that "add-ons" like extra curriculars, child care while the mother works, and summer camp would actually be mandated pro-rata if we did this through the court. I knew that about child care, did not know that about the others.

X had said he would pay pro-rata child care - but put a cap on it. So if I wanted to pay a sitter more than $10 an hour I'd be paying the extra.

She also said that any court would make him pay his pro-rata share of Hebrew School/Religious Education. She said the court always sees value in that. When I explained X's... issues.. with Hebrew School (and this really has nothing to do with his religion - I know Jewish people who do not like to send their kids to Hebrew School for the same reasons as X). She told me that it would probably cost about $20,000.00 if I wanted to take him to court for it. Ummm, no thanks.

Also, honestly, I just can't fight him over this one.

So, she's going to ask/tell his attorney that I would like him to pay full pro-rata for child care & also camp & extra currics & we'll see what happens. Hopefully his attorney will say "well, if you went to court you'd have to..." and he'll give. If not, it's still definitely liveable.

But you know, I was just so glad that she didn't tell me that the agreement was crap. That she didn't say something like: "What the heck is the matter with you?!? You let him get away with so much!" I've become so unsure of everything... people are all like "get as much as you can, get as much as you can" and I'm stuck feeling like 1) I need to get enough for the children; 2) if I bankrupt this man, or he's not living in the style that he feels he should - then he will, quite honestly, make my life a living hell.

Which is worse?

Throughout this whole process (it feels like) not one person has said to me "Amy, you know what you're doing." Or, "Yes, that was a good decision." More like they're all kinda thinking.... she's too nice, she's too wimpy, she's gonna give in.

And I did - but that's also called negotiation. He did, too.

So anyhow, I felt good that she said that. Really good.

Today I called my parents to tell them about it. Spoke to my mom, the last of the red hot buzz kills. "Oh. She said that?" "Well, what about this? And is he paying for this? And shouldn't he pay more for that?" And I know, I know, I know she just wants whats best. But doesn't she know that all I want is for her to say something like: "That's great. Good job. YOu worked long and hard at getting this agreement done & you must feel good that the attorney said that."

In the end when she realized I was getting a wee bit annoyed she said something like "Well, if you believe that attorney, then I guess that's good." Ugh. And I suppose I have to believe her. I hired her. I have to put my trust in one person, don't I? I mean what? Should I keep looking for attorneys until I get to one who says: "you need to get more, more, more from him?" Then will that be the right one? The one to believe?

I liked this woman. Got a good vibe from her. And honestly, our agreement is not high finance. She even intimated..."well, the numbers involved are not very high..." We have no car, no house, not so many assets (damn that graduate school that sucked them up!) so for her to look through that agreement and see what's what was not so tough.

Also, I did an in detail budget for her & she saw what I needed.

Listen (ok, look!) at me - here I am rationalizing/explaining it to you! Trying to talk myself into it.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

It is a really difficult time to get through and some days will be harder than others. Been there and done that, times two.

There will be those times when absolutely nobody says what you need to hear and you will just have to say the words for yourself because it is your life and you get to live it your way.

Good luck and may the force be with you!