So, I had the day off yesterday and went for my yearly physical. I am totally (knock on wood) healthy, although I did have a few issues I wanted to talk to the Dr. about. I've actually gone to this doctor more than once -- which is strange in this day and age of changing insurance coverage... But - I really like her and oh - she doesn't take insurance. Yep. She decided that she would rather be able to spend time with her patients & not be within the constraints imposed by insurance. My insurance does take out of network though - so I guess it's ok. (Even though I probably won't meet my deductible. But whatever.)
I told her how I've been getting these migraines right around mid menstrual cycle & near the end - and how I've been getting these strange heart palpitations. I said I didn't know if these were stress related, or just a new wonderful, fun thing my body was now doing. (That whole getting older, peri-menapausal thing. Nice to think about, I know.)
So, she asked me about PMS - and I said sometimes I feel it for about two weeks out of each month... moody, tired, moody, cranky, moody.... So, she recommended these calcium suplements. THEN she goes on to say how prozac is really good for PMS. PROZAC!!!
I was like - I have PMS, but I'm not one of those people who go over the edge.... just a bit more "sensitive" than usual.
But she kept bringing it up. "Why lose two weeks out of a month?" and "You don't wnat to take your moods out on your kids..." She actually made it seem really good... I mean, imagine.... being PMS free? It really WOULD make a difference in my life. Except that I think I think of this as PART of my life. It's what happens to my mind/body. Is that wrong? I mean, I would be the first to tell somebody that if something is going on in your mind/body that you don't like - then give yourself some relief and fix it! So I don't know. Gonna try the mega vitamin stuff & see how that works.... Prozac!!
Then we talked about weight. Just that morning I tried on summer clothes. Ugh! Nothing was fitting! (Ok, i'm in the midst of..... PMS.... but still!) So I was feeling mighty tubby. I gained five pounds from last year. BUT - she told me I'm right in my weight range! That I have a perfect BMI (Body Mass Index) and that I Don't. Need. To. Lose.
What? Is she crazy? I mean really.
(This is after a week of trying Slim Fast and making myself crazy by having fantasies of inhaling boxes of crackers...)
I am 5'2 and currently weigh 118. ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN POUNDS! So, we discussed it for a bit & she said she wouldn't recommend me going below 110. Then she says "And you know how difficult it is for somebody of your weight to lose just a little bit." Yes. I know. Thank you for reminding me.
Then I got to thinking.... am I falling into this whole body image crap thing? I mean, if my doctor is telling me I'm fine & I do not need to lose -- why am I killing myself like this? Because really, shouldn't you just want to be a certain weight for health reasons? And as long as you're healthy... then just go on your merry way? Just wear the clothes that fit you for that weight?
Or should you want to feel really good in those low rise jeans and t-shirt?
Shit man. I wanna feel GOOD!