Friday, August 10, 2007

And one more thing...

Oh yeah. This also happened... which I think was also good.

There was some bickering, and some moods. And when I was with X he was always moody. And when he'd be moody and quiet the next thing out of his mouth would be something to do with me. How he didn't like what I was wearing, how I looked... something.

So imagine, if you will.... me in a bathing suit. A BATHING SUIT - when somebody who is not so comfortable with their body image is at their most vulnerable -- and imagine J going all quiet.

So you know where I went in my brain, right?

It wasn't pretty. It was really hard. You know how brains are... you can tell them one thing, you can say that J is most certainly NOT X... but brains are still hard wired, conditioned, used to one way of being.

Oh. It was so hard.

BUT - I got through it. And another day, when it happened again, I just told myself: "Self. J is NOT X. Stop it. It's a mood. People have moods. You're in a horrible PMS mood, for crying out loud! You've been bickering. You've been talking. He loves you. It's not about you. Get through this. Deal with it." And I did.

But oh. It was hard.

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