A cavalcade of Feelings

Last night as I was putting the kids to sleep I looked at them and thought "Oh, my boys.... it's going to be so long until I put you to sleep again..." Then I smacked myself on the side of the head. (Maudlin or overdramatic much?)

Yep - kids are going to X's from tonight until Sunday. But I've written that before, haven't I? Can you tell the Overwhelming Thoughts I've been plagued with?!?

It's funny, when X first moved out and had the kids at his place - or even when he first moved out & we weren't even doing the the kids overnight - he'd just come over to be with them & I'd go out for a bit.... I loved it. I craved it! Me time! Alone time! I can go to a movie! I can shop! I can sit and stare into space and nobody will come over and poke me in the eye!! (And yes, when X & I first split it was right at graduation from grad school, the kids were 2 $ 4 & there was considerably more stress and strain in my life - that's for sure.)

But somewhere along the track it's kind of changed.

Don't get me wrong - I love the time to myself -- two weeks of single parenting at a time is enough. We're pretty worn out of each other, honestly. When the kids come back after a weekend away I always notice how we look at each other differently. We all need the break. (Yes, I am recognizing that by the the end of the 2nd week I may have become intolerable to them & they need a break from me, too!) But the fact that he only has them four nights a month is also enough.

But, the fact is - we've become a strong family unit. The three of us. We have our routines, our inside jokes, our "family cuddles" - and we're a threesome. (And for the record I wanted that photo down here, but somehow it ended up there & I'm just too peeved to move it.)

Ok - so let me get to the point. It used to be so cut & dried. X takes the kids & Hurray! Me time! Time with J! Alone! And now.... well.... I miss them. And this isn't just for two nights - it's for FIVE! FIVE NIGHTS! DO YOU REALIZE THAT?!?!?! ALMOST A WEEK!!!!!

Although how psyched am I that I have time to finally get my hair cut!