Friday, November 16, 2007

Tomorrow I am going to a Bat Mitzvah for J's cousin's daughter. I haven't been to a Bat Mitzvah in years, because nobody in my family is in that age group... And. Well. I'm a little nervous.

I don't really like social events. I'm not a good small talker. I'm not a good small talker with people I know.... now with people I don't really know....!

I know. I'm in my 40s (I'm in my 40s!!!!) - I should be able to deal by now. But.... can I say this again? I'm not a good small talker. I hate it. I can have a long and deep discussion with you about world peace, the state of health insurance in the US, anything... but the "Lovely weather we're having" stuff... I always feel like I get stuck.

And honestly? I know that it's a learned skill. And I don't kid myself - I know it's probably a confidence thing, too... But.


All the weight I lost over the summer? Came back in September. That one stressful month... I'm not a tub by any means... but things just aren't fitting me right. And I can't seem to get the weight back off. (And I know, this is totally a theme of this blog. I should re-frame this as Come On Along and join me on as I complain about my weight but really seem to do nothing about it...)

(I'm starting to think that perhaps I should embrace this in my 40s thing and realize that maybe I'm not really able to wear the same sort of clothes I did in my 20s and 30s? Although there's really no reason why I shouldn't feel/look good in a pair of jeans. Even high waisted ones. [NOT Mom jeans! No! No elastic waists!!!])

So, you know that feeling when you're going into a situation where you don't feel 100% comfortable mentally... and then you don't feel 100% comfortable physically, either? I'm just feeling kinda awkward. Shy. Not going into the situation like a Master of the Universe. Like if I felt I looked good, I can just say fuck 'em. I look good. They'll want to talk to me 'cause I look so good.

Yeah. I know. Any issues much? But this is my blog & I have to be honest. (Or, well, I want to be.) That's how I feel. Feel good about myself... all the rest just falls into place. And feeling good about myself is really just so connected to my weight.

Siiiggghh... So. I'm sure it will be fine.

Just feelin' a little nervous.


Anonymous said...

I know how you feel about the small talk I..... Oh who the heck will believe this from me! I guess I was made to talk to people. Since I have been married for only 3 years (after being unsociable for 18 and a half), I've had to go to many family things with her. Of course I never know a soul. At one I looked at her cousin who was eating a piece of cake and said, "So.... What's your story?" The poor lady choked and started laughing so hard. Later she told my wife, "He is so funny!" Heck, I wasn't funny, but I figured these people don't know me and I can pretend to be anything I want. So I suggest you walk up to a total stranger and say, "I was born at Woodstock!" and see what happens. Most people feel strange at these things. By the way, Did you read the book? I am still trying to find someone who hates it.

Your friend who you don't even know but somehow talk to... ~Waldo

Julie Pippert said...

You know, I can think of *much worse* traits in a person than, "not that great at small talk."

I think that maybe if you reframe your expectations about what your obligation is for the might help.

I think it is enough to be pleasant to each person you encounter. You don't need to get to know them all or make friends or chat it up too much with people you do not know.

On the weight thing? I am no help to you LOL.

But I am sure you will look good and do fine. :)

Using My Words

Family Adventure said...

Good luck. Sometimes, when we least expect it, things work out better than anticipated! I hope you'll have one of those days.

I do know about the weight thing, though. I've added a few lately, too, and I'm not liking it. Yuck.


Poker Chick said...

I get that way too a lot. Small talk seems to flow much more freely with 1-2 drinks in me! I also have a friend who has a book of "conversation starters" just for this kinda stuff. 1 question "what's the difference between a stick and a twig?" Beats the dull "so, what do you do?" crap.