Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Just when I was starting to get worried... I had one last cry last night & today I've been fine. I decided yesterday to get it all out.

I spoke to J & with a long preface about how I know this isn't logical but this is how I feel (I know -- but I just need the preface. It's like my security preface!) that with what happened with my parents/sister & now his daughter moving in with him & not seeing him as much (although really seeing him quite a bit -- but remember, this is not about logic!) that I'm feeling a bit abandoned.

Then spoke to my mom. She basically felt that I presented them with a fait a'complit (no idea if spelled correctly!) & that's why they jumped all over me. Of course I mentioned that perhaps there might have been a better way to convey that... and she agreed. But then went on to say (again) how they have things to do, how it's difficult to commit to one night, how they're getting older & it's difficult for them during the week....

We debated the point a bit & I don't know if anything was really resolved -- except for her knowing how it really really upset me. I used the "abandoned word again."

Then I (tried to) have a good cry. But you ever notice when you want to go to the bathroom for, like more than 30 seconds your children need to pee more than anything in the world! I went into the bathroom, sat down with the tissue box, started to let 'er rip... and "MOM!! I HAVE TO PEE!! I HAVE TO! RIGHT NOW!!!"

But, I feel better, and I suppose that's what really counts.

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