So, this will be the third year that we wll be celebrating Passover without the X. The first year he didn't want to come... felt too uncomfortable - and the second year my Dad suggested an invitation & I wondered (outloud) if perhaps he had been out in the sun too long.
Not that we don't do stuff together -the X and I - we do. Well, less than we did before, but we still both do stuff that will actively support the kids. But this... the seder... too personal. Actually, just too much still in the family circle.
Because, ultimately you could still be friends (or friendly, I suppose) with an X - but I do think you lose the right to be an intimate: to still be a part of that family circle.
I'm still in touch with the X's family... I try to send them photos of the kids, keep them updated on what's going on with them... -- but do I tell them the family gossip? Do I still think of them as "intimates?" No. I don't. I like them - and know they'll always be around because of the kids... but that's it.
And, I've been realizing, that I've been measuring time like this: College, post-college, pre-X, X, and post- X. Those are all such distinct times in my life. Each one so different - and also *I* was so different. Each one a growth and change -- that I feel has been drastic. And, I'm thinkin' that the post college/pre-X, and post-X times have been the best. Oooh, you're saying - what does that say about your marriage?
Not a whole heck of a lot.
Things have, really, for all the chaos and tummult (is that a word?) been so good post-X. I've had enough amazing times and experiences and revelations, and feelings.... that.... well.... maybe I can't even put it into words.
And of course, it's not done yet.