Don't say it

I know, I'm gonna hear it - from my blog reading public... from the peanut gallery - a resounding, loud: "I Told You So.

Here's the deal: I've been accumulating these medical bills for the kids - get them, kinda look at them, and put them away. Finally I got a BIG one from the plastic surgeon who stiched Nathan up after he hit his head on my parents fire place mantle - last December. (We're talkin' over $1,000 here - just so you get an idea of what I consider BIG.) So, that got me moving.

I called the insurance company and was able to get that BIG bill reduced by $714 - but the other charges were "after hours" charges & not covered.

THe other, more recent charges/Dr's visits are covered by the X's new insurance & they have to meet the deductible before the insurance kicks in... soooo.

I email X andtell him about the charges, how I got the bill reduced, and what his share is. I say that he can let me know how he wants to do it - little by little, pay Dr. directly, whatever.

He emails back: "I'm sorry, but I literally have no money."

Ok. We're not going to go into what went through my mind then.. but suffice it to say that something along the lines of "you're a friggin' corporate hack, I'm a socialworker & you have no money...?"

I acknowlege the financial situation, but remind him that we indeed still have to pay the bills.

He then responds with an email basically blaming me for everything. I went back to school, I got us into debt, I'm selfish for doing this, I should be earning more, I'm going to ruin the kids' lives because they won't be able to go to a good school... It's his usual tirade.

So, I'm thinkin' - in my last post about him I pretty much say, what? That I took time out to sit & listen to him & help him? And I really have to know that I do that without any sort of "thank you."

So, that has been on my mind a lot. I mentioned it to my parents (I don'tdon'tdon'tDON'T know why) that X called & that I spoke to him like that. My Dad was like: "WHY did you do that?! Has he ever done that for you? WHen you were married?" And I thought - and no. Never. Whenever I was tired, upset, nervous, stressed, whatever -& shared, it always went back to him & what a bad, awaful, tiring day HE had. And if/when I ever shared any anxiety, troubling thought, problem with him - chances are he would use it against me at some point. Like if I would say: "This makes me nervous" "or, this is something I don't like about myself" he would use it again later.

Nice guy, huh? Yeah, that's why I'm payin' my shrink the big bucks...

SO, this is all nagging on me now -- that and the fact that you'd think that the benefit of being divorced from somebody means you don't have to deal with their shit. But look at that: I still do!