Wednesday One-Liners Should Have Tried a Puppy First

Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where's Susan Smith when you need her?

--Hudson & Jane

College girl: Mom, I can't babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I'm sorry, I don't like babies. I find we have very little in common.

--34th & Broadway

Lady: I don't know if that woman ever found her baby's head!

--King's County civil court, Brooklyn

Mother to infant: I'm so glad you're getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn't sure if I was going to love you! You're not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?

--Water St & Hanover Sq

Guy surrounded by kids: You're all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that's what you are!

--151st & Broadway

Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don't care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?

--J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle

Lady on cell: No, she don't like anyone. She mean as shit...Nah...Nah...She don't even like her own children.

--Port Authority

via Overheard in New York, Aug 23, 2006