So, those of you who have been regular readers (2 of you?) have probably picked up that I've picked up that I was probably never in love with X. I don't know what it was. I thought it was love. And perhaps he loved me in his own warped kinda way... but feeling what I feel now - with J - I sure as shit never felt that with X. Never. Not even once.
So, this is what I've been noticing now, about me. Even though J and I have been going out for more than a year already -- so it's not like this is still shiney sparkely new - I feel like I have to talk about it All The Time. All the time. And talk about him. To everybody.
And ok, I feel like it. I don't do it. I'm not stupid. I don't want to alienate all my friends and relations. Although I suppose this is better than dealing with me venting about X. Constantly.
But I also find myself... when I'm telling people about this... and thinking about their relationships... I'm thinking... "Yes, but you don't love him as much as I love J. You don't REALLY know what I mean. Yours is not the same!"
And Omigod!! When I catch myself thinking those things I give myself a virtual slap! "Sotp it! You're becoming a silly mooning kid! This is what it is and this is what most people have! Stop being such a self-centered git!"
But still. It's kinda cool. And you probably know what I mean.