Ok, just finished a nice, good cry. I don't know... been feeling much more overwhelmed lately...
Losing my sitter was big. This sitter did everything. All the details that I forgot. All the little dots on top of the i's? She did it. Left something on the floor? She'd pick it up. Something in the sink? She's wash it. Linen closet looking really messy? She organizes it. So ok, I was a little spoiled... but it's not like I asked her to do this? Or hired her to do it? She just did. And I gratefully accepted.
But now. She's gone. And I have to do all these things... things I was never especially good at doing, anyhow. I mean - making the bed?!?! Why? You just get back into it! Why put that toy away - they're just going to take it out again! Honestly, I like a nice clean place with made beds... but to get my busy/lazy/busy self to do it is another thing.
So now I have this new sitter & all of a sudden.... Oh. I have to have dinners for the kids, don't I? I never did it before, since the sitter just morphed with me from babyfood, to finger food, to whatever they happen to eat... And I'm not a cook. I like to. Sometimes. But for little people who don't really eat...? Max will, finally, eat mostly anything. Nathan... welll Nathan lives on air. His diet consists of yogurt, cottage cheese, peanut butter, cream cheese and if I'm lucky sometimes some pizza or chicken nuggets/french fries.
So in showing the new sitter what they eat, it's basically: here's the freezer. Open it up, pick something out, stick it in the microwave & give it to 'em. Ummmmm..... errrrr..... no. I guess I don't really cook.
So I'm feeling a little less than adequate in the parenting department. And in thinking about that, I realized that that is probably one reason why I like to read parenting blogs. I like to see where other parents fall short. So I don't feel so alone. Don't feel like I have to always be perfect. I don't know so many moms... so it's so great when I read a blog and somebody says: "Gave my kids nuggets again for dinner!" Hooray!
And also - Nathan has to go on synthroid for about a month. His thyroid tested low. (He's small and is being followed by pediatric endocrinologist.) Then, at the end of the month has to go for a four freaking hour blood test. FOUR HOURS! He has to fast before, then I bring him in & he has to sit. With a catheter in his arm. For FOUR HOURS. They have a video machine there...but. So I'm freaked out that I'm giving my son this weird medicine... and how upset he's going to be going through this...
AND, this morning he was crying, crying, crying. Did not want to go into school. "It's so big! It's so long! I want to be with you!" Ugh. I know, I know... he'll be ok. But. Ugh. And then figuring out this do I walk them to school, put them on the bus? Pick them up from school? Have them take the bus?!?
It's the little shit. But it's really starting to feel to me that it's all the little shit that's really the tough stuff.
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