Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Breaking up, is...

So, those of you who know me know of the ongoing saga with Max's sitter (now ex-sitter) Esti. She was Max's first babysitter- until he was about 20 months old, or so - when Nathan was born. We all decided that taking care of two young children would be too much for her.

Well, I've had conflict with her from the start. First I thought it was because of my own baggage: didn't really like leaving him - didn't like going back to work -- so I thought that perhaps I might be taking it out on her. But there were lots of little things that always.... irked me. (One of which was dressing him in those dorky velvet shorts on his first birthday.) Some a bit bigger.

So, anyhow, we got past that and she has maintained a relationship with me/Max since then. She has helped out many times - in a pinch when I needed somebody to pick up one of the kids - and has been a huge help in organizing my apartment. She has a great eye. I don't.

Their relationship morphed into her picking him up at the bus stop one day a week & spending about an hour or so with him. Pretty much each time they spend together she buys him something. I have asked her over and over to please not buy him stuff. She also would say things to him like: "Max, I want to give this to you, but your mom says no." Basically, his time with her is spent with her doing exactly what he wants. And believe me - Max knows how to work it.

I don't have the time (or energy) to get into it (it's enough for another post) but time and time again I've seen how her judgement is just not good. It culminated this past Monday when she was supposed to pick Max up at the bus (1/2 day) but wasn't there. SHe didn't phone me. She didn't phone Gwen. She phoned this woman who lives in my building - who has a daughter in Max's classs. A woman whose judgement I also do not trust. It just happened that Gwen was coming back to the house & she saw Max with this woman. SHe called me - wondering what the heck was going on. Max was also upset: "What's going on ? WHere's Esti?" I had no idea.

I called her & she said she had been stuck on the train & that she "panicked" and called this woman instead of Gwen or myself. I was so angry I couldn't even talk. THen when I called the kids later that evening Max told me: that Esti was worried that I was angry at her. And was I angry at her? I explained that this is between Esti and I, and that he does not need to worry about it.

She then left a message saying that she doesn't want to talk to me because I'll just yell at her - and that she doesn't like the way I treat her - and that maybe she should stop seeing Max -and that she wanted the three of us to get together and "talk about it." Huh?!?

I left her a message agreeing - that I don't treat her well - but it's because I"v been so angry at her for so long - and that she's right - that she shouldn't see Max any more and that CERTAINLY she did not need to discuss it with him!

Yikes - sorry this is so long! I'm exhausting myself writing it. But certainly the different colors will keep your interest 'til the end, right? (Of course, right. Name that Musical!*)

SO ANYHOW - we spoke today & basically it was her saying that her time with Max is just for him to have fun, and my saying that children need rules/structure and that she has more of an impact on him than she thinks. And that even if she does NOT agree with me - I AM HIS MOTHER and she should please respect that. End of story. (I know, you just got so excited! Is it really the end of the story?!?)

We decided that she won't see him over the summer while he's at camp & that hopefully, organically the relationship will just end.

The End.

*Fiddler on the Roof

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