Thanksgiving Recap....

(Please allow me to begin by apologizing for the formatting. I know it's going to suck. I have photos. Every time I upload photos the formatting sucks.)

So, the other day, whilst Iman and I were watching the Thanksgiving day parade.... "Stay here" Mrs. David Bowie said to her daughter, as she positioned her on the window next to where we were all watching the Thanksgiving Day parade...

YES!!!! I watched the parade with Iman!

Ok. Slight exaggeration. I was in the same office/floor as Iman. BUT, she was at the same party as I was! And she did leave her daughter off with us!!

Perhaps I should start at the beginning. We went to watch the Parade from J's ex-brother in law's office. His EBIL is the financial manager for many bands including David Bowie, The Police, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen.... You get the picture. J actually told me a story of going to the parade one time & this man turning around and saying to him "Hi, I"m David and this is Iman." Can you imagine?!?! Are you just dying?!?!?

Honestly? I was really holding out for Mick. You can't imagine the fantasies/day dreams I was having up 'til that point. I was actually starting to feel a bit pre-pubescent... Mick......

So anyhow, she came into the cube/office where we were watching the parade, positioned her daughter by the window & said to a friend "if she needs me I'm in the next office." and left. !!!! She was almost talking to me! Almost! Right?!? Like I was right there, and I heard it! Siiiggghhh.... She's actually shorter than I would have thought. She's definitely very beautiful - but didn't have as much of a presence as I guess I thought a super model should/would have...

The rest of the weekend... well... went out to the relatives on Thursday after the parade & that was fun. J went with his family and his girls went with their mom. It was strange. This post-divorce life. Next year Ex will get the boys (if he wants them...) for Thanksgiving & I'm already anticipating how difficult it will be for me... J and I decided, though, that from now on at least he and I will be together for the holidays. I never had to split the holidays before... with Ex being from NZ... not being born Jewish... I pretty much got all my family all the time... So I don't think I was ready to give them up this time. But, after leaving him, being all day with out him AND having all my relatives say "Where's your boyfriend?!?" It made me think. We have to have at least that constant in our lives... even if our children are all over.

AND - well - we nearly lost our gerbil. Shadow. Came home Tuesday and poor Shadow was nearly immobile! I thought we'd come back after Thanksgiving to who knows what in the cage... but - came in Saturday morning & there was Shadow! Running around! It was a Thanksgiving Miracle!!! I have no idea, but I do know that my older son has a definite flair for the melodramatic. He sent his Dad emails entitled: "Death" and "Sorrow" and told me that he saw Shadow's soul passing out of his body...

Today, right before bed, Max said: "Ok. I'm taking a stand! No More Hebrew School on Sundays! I don't want to go! It's my time with Dad! And Dad lied to you last week. He said that the trains weren't working & that he couldn't take me, but it was because he promised me that he wouldn't take me - I didn't want to go."

You know, it takes quite a bit for me to become speechless.

So I just said "You know what, Max, I want to be the best Mom to you that I can - I want to do the best job I can possibly do - and that means making sure you get the best education and that I do the right things. I know that your going to Hebrew School is the best thing for you right now - so I have to do my job and make sure you go." He started to talk some more & I just said "You know what, honey, I don't want to talk about this any more. I'm getting upset."

That bastard.

The new sitter seems to be ok... we have to speak a bit slowly, as her English is a bit rusty... but I figure that will get better with time. I just got an email from the my old sitter telling me that she's home sick... She can't go back to Brazil for five years -- until she gets her green card... I had to explain to her, the other day, about us being Jewish. I said "you know, we don't celebrate Christmas..." and that while we believe that Jesus was a good man, etc, etc.. just not that he was G-d. We're still waiting for that. She was a bit stunned. I said we have the same Old Testament... The Jews, Christians and Muslims - all the same - then we split off. Then she said "what about Easter..?" And I was like "Nope. You know.. Jesus..."

But then she asked lots of interesting and good questions & was very comfortable with it. It's funny, in NYC you get used to everybody knowing about Jews and Judaism... but elsewhere I realize that many people thing we just go to a different church - and that's it. Can't really conceive that people do not believe in Jesus...

I actually love talking about religion. I know that it's something you're not supposed to talk about: religion and politics... and I love talking about both. I love talking about things that make us all different - in a way that acknowledges that, but doesn't judge it. We are all different & I think that by NOT talking about it.. but not acknowledging the elephant in the room (at times...) we make things more difficult for ourselves.

Illegal immigrant rescues boy in desert - Yahoo! News

Illegal immigrant rescues boy in desert - Yahoo! News

This just touches me so much.... and imagine - this boys father died two months ago.....

Just some stuff that happened yesterday...

I had the lovely experience of having my work phone pressed to my right ear, listening to music, on hold with Social Security for a client... all the while having my cell phone pressed to my left ear, listening to my older son scream how he did not want to go to Hebrew School today.

Honestly. You have not lived until you have gone through that wonderful stereophonic experience.

Max's woke up crying yesterday. He did not want to go to Hebrew School. And yes I know, it sucks to have to go to 2 1/2 hours of school after school. I know it. And he's too young to realize the benefit of education for education's sake. (Heck, some people never get it...) But. His dad does not bring him every other Sunday. He learns new stuff every class. I cannot let him stay home, he will miss too much, fall too far behind, and then really be upset.

Also, since X does not support it, I have the wonderful experience of having it all fall on these little shoulders.

And yesterday... well... it all just got to be a little too much. He was crying. He was begging. Pleading.

I said I need a reason. Why? "It's weird." Hmmm.... Ok. How do you feel about being Jewish? "Ok." He said. Then I listed all his friends who go to the other, Reform, Hebrew School (and we don't go there simply because I don't have a car & I know I will not walk there on a snowy Sunday morning...), and all the people he knows who go to Hebrew School. I said, you know, it's considered "weird" to be Jewish and NOT go.

I asked how he felt about the work. How he felt about the kids in his class (one boy keeps "shushing" him - which I think is kinda funny, considering how... errr... vocal he is!) and there was really nothing that was too off. He just Does. Not. Want. To. Go.

And oh. Have I mentioned that this only happens the Tuesdays after he's with his Dad?

So, he ended up going. The poor sitter, on her second day, was able to get him there. But I can't deal with this all the time. I'm so angry at X for putting this all on me. And it's not a religious thing. True, X was not born Jewish - but I think it's really just a respect for religion. You don't need to be the same religion to understand the importance of it in some people's lives.

When I worked at the student exchange agency and we had to place religious Muslims with religious Christian families... and the families were freaking out... "they pray 7 times a day!" We would explain - but yes, look at how they feel about religion. The respect it. They understand it. They understand how you feel about it. A religious person of a different religion would be a better fit than a non-religious person of the same.

Ack! So where am I going with this? I don't know. X has no respect for anything or anyone outside himself. And that's it. He has no empathy at all. He is all, ultimately, just for himself. So how do I get through to him how this impacts Max? Me? He won't care. He can't be bothered getting up on Sunday mornings & Max has totally picked that up.

It's in the agreement - "father will transport children to religious education..." but I've decided that this is not to the point of me entering a court battle.

So now I'm tossing around the idea.... giving X money for a taxi one way? $10? I feel like I"m totally selling out... but I need to not have this stress in my life & money is the one thing X does understand...

So. We'll see. I'm thinking.

On a lighter note - the new sitter started Monday. She has been with my old one, who has been training her. My new sitter is from Brazil. My old sitter is from Colombia (her parents. She was born here.) And. They have become friends!!!! My new sitter has no family here, and cannot leave the country for five years in order to get her green card. My new sitter invited her over tonight! She is going to spend Thanksgiving with her family! They are going shopping together on Friday! I made a shidduch! I'm just so happy about this I cannot tell you! Plus it re-affirms to me the decisions I made about the quality of the people I hired to care for my children...

So cool.

Tonight we're going into Manhattan to watch them inflate the balloons for the Macy's Day Parade. It's always a mad house.. We'll see. Then we're staying over J's and tomorrow going to his X brother in law's to watch the parade!! X and his girlfriend were supposed to come with us tonight, but surprise of surprises... he bailed.

And oh. X is engaged.

I survived!!

Errr yeah. I did. But I'll tell ya', there's nothing like going to a Bat-Mitzvah with 30 thirteen year olds to make you feel really old! Oy, the loud music! Oy, what these kids listen to these days! Oy, what they wear!

I'm cool, huh?

And I survived the small talk. I smiled a lot. And his family are all so, so nice and welcoming... it's really special and I'm very lucky.

It was strange though. I have to say. I was keenly aware of being the "girlfriend". I had met most of his family, but had never been in this situation before. A situation as early as six months ago he would have brought his (soon to be) ex wife. (They were trying, are trying, to still do stuff together - for the kids....) I'm not her. (I know, no shit.) But I really felt my Not-Her-ness.

Totally all my issue, really - as like I said they were so welcoming... but. I felt it.

They were all called up from the table where we were sitting for a "family" photo. Ummm... I just didn't know what to do. They got up. I sat there. At the table. J's sister came back to get me. (Apparently she said to him: "Why is Amy there?" And he's great, but... you know..... sorry guys, but he's a guy. He didn't think. So she went to get me.) I nearly cried. The whole thing was just so overwhelming.... in their family? Not in their family? Then when it was obvious that that was how I was considered... the whole overwhelming-ness of that.....

And being with his daughters. In the apartment. I'm with two little boys most of the time... and it was so cool getting dressed with them! With girls! His older daughter telling me that I'm younger than the dress I chose to wear (which is kinda what I thought... it was a little matronly...) - which was so nice to hear!

So, there's ANOTHER Bat-Mitzvah in two weeks (my birthday weekend, btw!) and I don't think I'll be nearly as nervous... I don't think I'll be able to. Apparently there will be over ONE HUNDRED kids.

Can I say that again?

Over one hundred kids.

Pray for me.

Tomorrow I am going to a Bat Mitzvah for J's cousin's daughter. I haven't been to a Bat Mitzvah in years, because nobody in my family is in that age group... And. Well. I'm a little nervous.

I don't really like social events. I'm not a good small talker. I'm not a good small talker with people I know.... now with people I don't really know....!

I know. I'm in my 40s (I'm in my 40s!!!!) - I should be able to deal by now. But.... can I say this again? I'm not a good small talker. I hate it. I can have a long and deep discussion with you about world peace, the state of health insurance in the US, anything... but the "Lovely weather we're having" stuff... I always feel like I get stuck.

And honestly? I know that it's a learned skill. And I don't kid myself - I know it's probably a confidence thing, too... But.

And.

All the weight I lost over the summer? Came back in September. That one stressful month... I'm not a tub by any means... but things just aren't fitting me right. And I can't seem to get the weight back off. (And I know, this is totally a theme of this blog. I should re-frame this as Come On Along and join me on as I complain about my weight but really seem to do nothing about it...)

(I'm starting to think that perhaps I should embrace this in my 40s thing and realize that maybe I'm not really able to wear the same sort of clothes I did in my 20s and 30s? Although there's really no reason why I shouldn't feel/look good in a pair of jeans. Even high waisted ones. [NOT Mom jeans! No! No elastic waists!!!])

So, you know that feeling when you're going into a situation where you don't feel 100% comfortable mentally... and then you don't feel 100% comfortable physically, either? I'm just feeling kinda awkward. Shy. Not going into the situation like a Master of the Universe. Like if I felt I looked good, I can just say fuck 'em. I look good. They'll want to talk to me 'cause I look so good.

Yeah. I know. Any issues much? But this is my blog & I have to be honest. (Or, well, I want to be.) That's how I feel. Feel good about myself... all the rest just falls into place. And feeling good about myself is really just so connected to my weight.

Siiiggghh... So. I'm sure it will be fine.

Just feelin' a little nervous.

Just keeps on coming back...

Just when I think this divorce stuff is over....

Yesterday I went to the kids' parent teacher conference. X went on his own - for the evening session - since I had the day off & it was too difficult to negotiate the evening with Hebrew School, dinner, babysitter interviews, etc, etc, etc.

So.

Max is doing very well academically and socially. His behavior... well... he's easily distracted & just likes to get the work done.... doesn't really focus. I'm not so upset about it, though. This is who he is. He's doing well. He's not disrupting the class. (True he annoys the teacher.. but this is her 2nd year with him, she should know him by now!) So fine.

But.

I'm going through his folder of his written work. Stories. And there's one that goes something like this: "One day, when I was three years old, my mom and dad had a big fight. They went into a room and when they came out my mom told me that my dad would be moving out. I was very sad, My mom said it wasn't my fault and that I would still see my dad."

Uh huh.

And, X told me (the teacher told him) that Max read this to the class.

I guess I'm glad that he's able to get it out, to talk about it, and that he's not ashamed. Although that's not exactly how it happened.. we didn't really fight... but it's how he sees it.

Nathan is also doing very well, but his teacher tells me he's still really nervous. That sometimes he even shakes! He is SO worried he is going to get into trouble! And he's not like Max. He's much more controlled. So we've been talking about that. His teacher is great, though, talks to him, is communicative with me, and is even going to move one of his friends to his table! It's so comforting that he has a teacher that cares.

And ALSO - when I mentioned to her that sometimes it's difficult to find the time, in the evenings, to practice his writing - she understood! She's young, but she said "I know, it must be difficult working all day, single mom..." And it was so nice to not feel like I'm ...... lacking. That she recognizes it and doesn't think I'm not involved. (Ok, so that's my projection/guilt!)

Both kids need help with their penmanship. Any of you who have ever seen my handwriting will understand that this apple is NOT falling far from my tree. My handwriting's awful. Max actually makes me re-write notes I send to his teacher - and sometimes I just type them.

I figure we'll just set up nightly penmanship classes. For all of us.

I'm so excited!!!

I interviewed the BEST babysitter tonight! I'm so psyched! I just offered her the job pending checking one more of her references.

She is 24, studying marine biology (marine biology!!) at NYU, has worked with kids, plays basketball, guitar, totally engaged my kids, loves animals....

You know, I interviewed somebody last night who was perfectly fine.... but something was just holding me back... It wasn't that "this is the ONE" feeling.

Now I have it.

(Doing happy dance!)

Whatta waste

I'm off today. The kids have a half day (parent-teacher conferences) and nobody to pick them up at 11:50 (ugh! One hour! I only have one hour left!!!)

So, I've been cleaning up/out their room.

I've been doing it little by little for a while. We're having a flea market ("Flea Boutique" thank you very much!) at work so I've basically supplied ALL toys.

And now I'm going through the room with a garbage bag. I'm on my second. And let me emphasize that I do not throw out things easily. I'm a semi-hoarder. So, you can imagine what they have in there!

(Hey, do you think I could donate a puzzle missing one piece? To the flea market? It's only one piece....)

But can I just tell you what a huge, massive, colossal waste those hot wheels cars and tracks are? They, quite literally, were played with one time. That's it. Then the tracks are put away & nobody can be bothered to put the tracks back together again. They sit. They get pushed back. They are forgotten.

And today? They're garbage.

So weird

So I've never saved anything as a draft before & then posted it later... just did that today & first I thought it disappeared! Then I saw that it actually posted on the day I first saved it...

What sense does that make? What if I want to write it one day and not post it 'til the next?

What am I missing here?

The Interview Process

Yep. Interviewing new babysitters. Or trying to. I had one scheduled for last week, to come at 6:30 pm. At 6:45 pm I phone her. "Where are you?" "Oh" she replies "just got out of the doctor's office, is it ok if I come at 9 pm?" Yeah. Right.

Then the two last night who didn't show and didn't call. I didn't even bother calling them.

Tonight I had two, and one... well.... is making me think. Now, honestly, I wasn't floored by her. She was ok. But I don't need superstar, really, for an afterschool sitter... So, I would hire her... except for one thing. She has an infant.

This infant is only 4 months old. Only. Four. Months. Old.

I so, so don't want to be "That" woman. Or "That" employer, who discriminates because an employee has an infant. I don't. But. In spite of all best intentions... we know what it's like. They get sick. You don't get sleep. THey don't eat.... whatever.

She asked if she could bring him with her. To work. And again... I've always thought I'd be flexible with that sort of stuff... I so appreciate employers being that way with me... And it's good for my kids, having a younger child to grow with and learn about.... but... I asked her: "What if the kids need to go outside and it's rainy? Cold? How would that be? Or what if the kids are a little bit sick?"

She says oh no, no - that will be fine. And she also says that her mother is there. As back up (she's 23 years old). So if the baby's sick, or something, her mom can take it...

But you know, I have so many friggin' variables in my life... I can't have another! And this infant is, unfortunately, a huge variable.

But damned if I don't feel like the worlds' largest hypocrite.

I made it!

I've been tagged to do a Meme by Heidi at Viking Conquest(granted it was like a month ago, but there's no time limit on these things, right?)


So. I'm supposed to do seven random things about me...


1. I'm very particular about my refrigerator. Like, almost anal. Like everything has its exact spot, and like if you put the yogurt on the non-yogurt shelf... well.... I'll move it. To the yogurt shelf. Quick smart. And woe to the person who positions something in the fridge so that it is HIDDEN. I hate hidden fridge food. It all has to be easily seen. Needless to say I never have an overstuffed fridge.


Are you scared yet?


2. I've never thrown out any letter I've ever received. And I used to be a HUGE letter writer, before email. I have boxes here, boxes at my parents', boxes, boxes, boxes....


3. When I go to my parents' house I regress. I sit in front of the tv, I raid the fridge, I become sullen, I sulk, and my face even starts to break out!


4. I didn't date until almost the end of college. True. I was shyshyshy in high school & never found myself/my niche until at least junior year of college.


5. I will pick up snakes, lizards, mice, etc - but will not even SQUISH one of those big ole' water bugs! You know, the kind that make a sound when you step on them! The kind that you can hear when they walk?!? And they FLY too! Ugh! No way

6. I like working with a guy I might have a little crush on. Even if he's gay. (And believe me, working in non-profit... it's more often than not!) It's just nice to have that little bit of excitement when you go into work... think more about what you're wearing...


7. My Halloween pumpkins are rotting on my book shelf, and yet I'm just sitting here looking at them and not doing anything about it.

I got nuthin'

I don't know how you people write a post a day. I mean - HOW do you people write a post a day?!?! Let's say.... for example... that I even had enough going around in this little mind of mine to put to paper (paper? monitor?) each day.... how do you find the time?!?!

I think, that this is kind of how the cycle goes in my house... which unfortunately hinges on me and my blogging. I blog. Kids do... stuff, read, play, watch tv, etc. I blog. I get phone call from Max's teacher. I stop blogging. I do more active parenting. Kids settle in. I stop blogging a bit more. We all get sick of each other. I blog..... you get the idea.

So, being a bit more involved with the kids and not as involved in the computer -- and not really sure how to work out a good balance that does not involve me waking up earlier than I already do, or staying up later than I should...

Boo!

So, I left work early yesterday to come home to go trick or treating with the boys. I got home a bit after three and they hadn't even started their homework yet. After much.... errr..... cajoling, I got them focused, homework done, into their costumes, their over night bag packed (going to their dad's), my overnight bag packed (going to J's), and out the door. Let me add that I was carrying: My purse, my overnight, and the boys backpacks for school the next day. The sitter was helping carrying the boys overnight bag. Yep. That's me. Small But Mighty.

It was already nearly four pm, and since they had to meet their Dad at 6, meaning on subway by 5:30, there really wasn't that much time. We decided to just walk down Austin Street - in the central business district. The stores give out candy. Or they used to. We spent a large part of the walk encountering: "No More Candy" signs. By 4:30! What time do people start??!

So, you know what - it was just OK. The kids weren't so interested in getting the candy (I know!!) and more in walking around in their costumes & "battling" each other. So it became this, over and over: "Go in, put your masks down, say trick or treat. What do you say?" Like it was a chore.

THEN, we're walking down this sidewalk, crowded with trick or treaters & there's a man with a dog. A labrador-ish sized dog. On a leash, but not so controlled. I said "Kids, watch out for the dog!" and the dog grabs Nathan's arm. In his mouth. Then lets go &... now get this... the guy looks back & continues walking!

Nathan was fine. Skin not even broken. Maybe the dog was a puppy, which was why it looked so all over the place... But of course crying, scared, upset. I was, if you'll excuse the expression - ready to rip the guy a new asshole. (Nathan: Mom, is that guy younger than you? Me: Yes, I think so. Nathan: Good, so you can beat him up.)

Then lets not get into having to use the bathroom. In costumes. Not close to our house. All I can say is thank goodness for Boston Market!

Next year: No Austin Street. Only houses. Earlier.

So here's the thing...

Max's teacher told me about his acting out at school. Max & I talked about it & worked out a plan. I didn't tell X, thinking it was a one-off event.

Sunday Max told me that he had gotten in trouble on Friday. I wrote his teacher a note, and he had no tv/computer time last night.

He assures me that he was perfectly well behaved Monday ("except for the first 20 minutes, Mom. I was a little wild. But then I calmed down and was good the rest of the day!")

I should tell X, right?

I know I should. He's the father. The thing is, he over-parents. He over disciplines. He does not have realistic expectations. He is giving the kids a TEST on Friday! A TEST! Max says he's not so worried (has to read a book and do math problems) but is concerned about Nathan.

I jsut feel for these kids.

BUT - my "new thing" is to NOT tell him how to parent. I came to this (too late) realization that if I don't want him commenting on my parenting... that perhaps I should not comment on his. (Ok, I'm a little slow on the uptake!)

He's the parent, and if we have different styles and philosophies it doesn't make one better or one worse... just different. (See, I'm trying to convince myself here!)

And he does have a lot of strengths. He is by far one of the smartest people I know. He has nearly photographic memory, has a good, analytic mind, and is, surprisingly enough, a good teacher because he knows how to break things down into small components. (A good teacher when he's in a good frame of mind....) I mean heck - the guy was nominated for a Pulitzer! (Why do I always use that to fall back on... like that saves him, or something?) (NOtice that there are a lot of parenthetical phrases where I question myself? Why is that? :) )

Bah! So, I guess what I'm saying is that I really have to tell him.... but maybe I'll wait 'til after this weekend - so the kids won't be with him...

Just because my life is so dull...

My sitter decided to quit.

Guess I should explain. I have a new sitter - started in September. She is absolutely great, but is 16 years old. After two weeks she asked if she could come late two days each week - because of some school thing. Ummm... late? Who will pick up the boys? That's kinda why I hired you... But, her mom stepped in & picks up the boys two days each week. She comes about 15 minutes after.

But, there's been lots of little stuff like that - asking if she could leave early, come a bit later... and each time I've actually been able to work it out. I believe in flexibilty. I'll do what I can to accommodate your schedule(although I absolutely expect the other person to do the same.)

Then yesterday I get an email from her "I can't work Monday. Have Dr's appointment." Now, I'm already leaving work early Wednesday to take the boys trick or treating before they go to their Dad's that night, then I'm off Friday (going away for the weekend w/J!!) so leaving work early Monday is not really much of an option. My boss is nice, but....

So I asked: Can it be another day?

No. It can't. So I called her. Why did you schedule it when you had work? Her mom did. Why did she? Then I explained: This is a responsible position. She works so that *I* can work. I need to work. If I did not work I would be home with my boys and thus not need her. This puts me in a bind. And, really... kinda sucks.

I don't think I was harsh.. but I was very direct. This has been happening too much & the last thing I need in my life is more stress!

So she emailed me. She thinks it's best if she stops working. It's too much. That it is a responsible position and she has too much in her life now... she will stay until I find somebody - help me train the other person...

And she's right. And actually, for a 16 year old - she's very mature. But she is 16 & this is a busy time in her life.. and it is too much pressure (on both of us!) for her to be doing this.

So I'm off to find a new sitter.

And you know what the kicker is? The absolute KICKER!?! My mom. She said to me: "Well, if you hire a 16 year old she'll have too much going on in her life... it will be hard." Ugh! How do they always know?!?! How?!?

(And oh, my monitor has gone green [ordered a new one] so I can't see the yellow on spell check. I double checked... but.. you know... life without spell check...)

Ohmygoodness!

I did it.

I talked to my super.

And quite honestly, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. (Does that sound like a huge exaggeration? I'm sorry... but I actually think it might have been!)

I dropped the kids off at the bus, and as I was walking to the subway I saw him lounging in front of the building. (Not that I mean to imply anything about a super lounging... supers are allowed to lounge. They work very hard. When they're not lounging. Or maybe keeping watch for dogs! That's it! He was on a dog reconnaissance mission!) But I digress. So I saw him there, with his eye keenly peeled - on the look out for dogs with weak bladders... and I stopped a few buildings up and sat down. I ran through the entire script in my head. Again. And again. And ooohhhhh, 50 more times for good luck. Then I got up and walked over to him.

I said that I spoke to the Building Manager & we talked about the problem. I asked what specifically happened & he said he saw dog pee in the hallway - my floor - in front of the elevator. NOW - I had seen puddles there before, as had J -- and I told the super this. I also told him that 1) our dog wouldn't do that (our dog! Like how I say "our" dog!! Makes me happy.) 2) If, perchance he did - we'd of course clean it up! Super nodded. (He's the strong silent type, this super.. which makes my mission all the more difficult.)

I said... soooo..... because the manager said it was ok that we bring the dog back every once in a while, and because he could possibly cause a bit more work for you.... I'd like to give you...I reach into my purse and start to take out a folded bill... He shakes his head. No. He does not want it. He will not take it. I said "really?" I said: "But I don't want to feel funny. I don't want this to be extra work for you - I know this is a dog free place..." He was like "No. That's ok." I said well...ok then - have a good day.... and walked off to the subway. Feeling ill.

Honestly. I felt ill. Thought I'd be sick. I hadn't even thought he wouldn't take it! This "Hush Money!"

So now two things... 1) I'm not really sure if it's all resolved... and 2) You know how sometimes when you do something that's really difficult - and when you're done... when you do it you feel good. Like: "Hey, it was really hard, and I did it! Wow! Good for me!" Well, I don't feel that way. I just feel unsettled. I"m not so proud that I did that. And I don't really even think I did anything "wrong"... except maybe I did? I don't know. The whole thing is just so out of character for me!

(And on a side note - the laundry service that picks up and delivers our laundry... and brings it back all nice smelling and tied into little bundles... well - last week I wasn't there when they dropped it off. I told them that I wouldn't be there, so nobody would pay them. They said "No worries - we'll catch you next time." Sooooooo today they dropped off the laundry & didn't ask for last weeks. I didn't offer. Next week I'm going to. I thought about it. It's the right thing to do. And NO - it's not a reaction formation from the guilt from the bribe! No! It's not! I'm just like that.)

Somehow I feel like this whole dog, bribe/hushmoney/tip/whatever saga has not ended... that actually it has only just begun (cue either Carpenters "We've Only Just Begun" or foreboding organ music.)

Wow, lots of things happen to you!

That's what my new co-worker said to me the other day when I complained about the note from my management company. The week before my babysitter was unable to pick the kids up & I had to scramble to find somebody at the last minute (called my old sitter) and it was horrible, horrible panic. Then got letter from collection agency - wanting money for plastic surgeon who two years ago billed me for 1) er visit, 2) after hours er visit and 3) after hours er consult! Can you believe it?!? The gall! I actually got the collection guy to get the bill halved for me - so that was good...

But I guess.. yeah... lots of stuff happens to me. Or maybe it's just a bad...err.... season!

So I called up the management company for my building & spoke to the guy in charge of my building. He was actually very reasonable. He said if it's one night every once in a while.. it's ok - but he couldn't allow anything that was "regular" (every other week...). So I was ok with that.. but then he said that it was the SUPER who ratted us out - because he found some urine in the building! I was like "Hey! That's not our dog! He doesn't do that, and if he did you can be sure we would clean it up!" So he was all "Oh man, that means there's ANOTHER dog in my building!" and I was all "But this isn't fair! I'm being penalized for something that wasn't even me!" I guess I could really deal with it if he had said that the neighbors had complained about the clicking toenails...but something we didn't even do! (And J said he's actually seen puddles outside the elevator on our floor - before he's walked his dog.... so I bet the other owner is on our floor!!!)

So - this is the action plan: We're going to (shhhhhh) bribe the super! Yes! I've never done anything like that in my life... but... I'm trying to think out a script - I have to. There is no way I can just walk up to him and be like "so, here's some money - keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you!" Ha! I figure I'll say something like "I heard you had some trouble with a dog here, I want you to know it wasn't the dog that sometimes comes to visit my apt - but I want to give you this just in case having the dog here causes you any extra work - and hope that you'll let me know if there are any problems...." Does that sound too cheesy? I figure that since it wasn't a neighbor who complained (and he's such a quiet dog it was really hard to think of who would...) that if I do this we'll be safe.

And thus I enter the Dark Side.

I received a phone call from Max's teacher. In kindergarten he would receive weekly reports about his "behavior" and his teacher last year (same one as this year) had the same complaints. He likes to chatter. He likes to "laugh" and joke around.. he sometimes would rather (gasp!) do that than do work... and he's not "working up to his capacity."

I played the voicemail message for Max and showed him the note I wrote back to his teacher. I wrote that if I hear from her again he will lose a privilege (probably tv) and if I don't, I'll get him some Pokemon cards at the end of the month. We talked about it, and he understood (or seemed to) the cause and effect. Honestly? Yes, he's an active, rambunctious kid.. but I also think he's a wee bit bored. When I mentioned this to his teacher last year she got upset "But I make this class so challenging!" So I know better than to bring it up again. But his homework? Busy work. He finishes it in 10 minutes. If that is any indication of what his regular work at school is... Oy. So - we'll see what happens.

Wednesday the kids were over at X's. I call to say goodnight and X gets on the phone. "Nathan just at pork chop and mashed potato. I understand he never eats that with you." I kept my cool and said something like "well, then it's even better that you have him once a week now, isn't it?" but it upset me. Then Saturday he calls me: "Do you ever read to Nathan? He doesn't seem to be interested in anything." When I respond that he's interested in Star Wars and Pokemon he tells me that "Children should be exposed to all different things.... anybody can tell you that... you're not doing enough reading."

So here's the thing: In and of themselves these are just dicky X comments... but you know.. he has this WAY of always knowing the things I"m not so sure about... the parts of myself.... or my parenting... that I feel I can do a bit better. Like if he had said "I don't think you talk to the boys enough - you don't let them express themselves..." I would have told him he was an ass and hung up. I know that's patently untrue - and I KNOW that's what I'm good at. But these are two things that I'd like to do better.... I don't cook and feel deficient in that... and I feel like I NEVER have enough time to read to them as much as I'd like. Or, if/when I do.. well... I don't foist stuff on them that they don't feel like reading. I read what they want. Which is probably fine for 5 and 7 year olds... but... well.. he just plays on those insecurities. How does he know!?!?

Friday night I went to Shabbat services w/J and his daughter. It's at the synagogue he loves. I used to work there - before I went back to grad school - and now.. well.... I just can't connect. So I was sitting there.. and thinking - really thinking - about why I have these feelings about this place. I used to love it before I worked there... so what happened? What is it about the place? And I started remembering how it felt to work there... and I felt invisible there. I was an admin person and that was it. Was not really seen as a smart, articulate - PERSON. I felt invisible. And mostly from the two rabbis. Now, these rabbis are idolized. They are charismatic, dynamic, exciting, educated and insightful people. For the members. Me they said "hi" to and that was it...

But as I was really thinking about it more and more... I realized/remembered how it was for me there... it was right before X and I married. I was miserable. I went to a therapist and cried to her every time. I didn't know it was going to be like this. I thought love was different. Why is he like this? Why does he say these things? (And I don't want to get started about the therapist I was seeing then. She said nothing like .. ummm... if you're so miserable now maybe you want to think about things BEFORE you get married? I understand they're not supposed to "advise" but shit. She could have hinted....) I had just told X about a large amount of debt I had, and he was just horrible to me in ways that I just didn't even know how to counter... and I just wanted to talk to those rabbis. I just did. I wanted the sympathy that they were showing everybody else... I needed it. I was so needy. So miserable. And I remember even walking to where their offices were... hoping they'd come out.. ask what was wrong.. invite me in.. ask me to talk... They didn't.

And probably. Really. That was an unreal expectation. How could they have known? They were extraordinarily busy men.. with hectic schedules, members coming in all the time.. etc, etc... and I'm sure I wasn't the most outgoing of people.. especially about that! I mean, nobody - not even my closest closest friends knew about how horrible our relationship was... So there I was last Friday.. remembering this.. and tears started streaming down my face. You know, it's like I did therapy on myself. I forced myself to remember how it was... probably feelings I'd kept pent up for a long time - it was such an awful, awful awful time in my life... and realizing how now I just could NOT connect with the place because of that. It was a kinda surreal experience.

So I told J & well... he loves the place so we're gonna see. I figure that now that I realize what it's all about & talk it through... it'll be ok.. but we're gonna investigate other places, too.

So - now I'm up and ready to face another week! You?

Harboring a dog

So, I come home from work yesterday & pick up my mail. There's a letter from the management company of my building. It says:

"It has come to the attention of management
that you are harboring a dog in your apartment. This is in direct
violation of your lease agreement. If the dog is not removed from premise
immediately, we will proceed with legal action and you will be responsible for
any/all costs that incur due to this situation."

So I hear you thinking... "Hmmm.... all that time she's had dogs in her apartment it was in violation of her lease?!?" Yes! Yes! Ok! Yes! But I figured they were just visiting!!!! "Ahhh" I hear you thinking "she is so naive..." Ok. Fine.

So, I took X's dogs for that weekend, remember. Bad idea. And I actually don't think that is what this letter is about. I think it's about the fact that J's dog has been staying over. With J and his daughter. J's daughter (and dog) moved in with him... and so when he came over during the week - so did they. Because he knew how important it was for me to have him over. For the reasons listed in that post. I needed him here. The kids needed him here. It was just great. So we worked out something that he would come with his dog and daughter every other week - Thursday through the weekend. And it was good. It was great.

I don't know which of our neighbors outted us... and I'm not even 100% sure why. He is an old, quiet dog. He barks only if door bell rings (not so often, it's not like I get door bell ringing visitors here!) or right before he's being fed.

I'm kinda thinking that the other morning, when he woke up early, wanting to go out, that his toe nails on my bare floors were probably just a wee bit grating for my downstairs neighbors. 6 am. Saturday morning. It's hard to be charitable at that time....

But now. What do I do? J and I had been planning to work out a new plan anyhow, in December, when his daughter's college schedule changed & she was more used to being with him in NYC, commuting to school, etc. Maybe she would stay one night at his place with the dog? We were going to see how it went. So - when I got this letter my first thought was.... "hmm.... every other weekend... only about three between now and December... maybe we'll just chance it? Maybe we'll just keep going." And I soothed myself with that.

Spoke to my sister last night. The conversation went something like: "ARE YOU CRAZY!??! IS THIS WORTH BEING EVICTED FOR?!? THESE PEOPLE COMPLAINED RIGHT TO MANAGEMENT - WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO YOU! DO YOU THINK THEY'D APPRECIATE IT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED AGAIN?!?" Yeah. Something along those lines.

I'm going to call the management co - either today or Monday... but not sure how to present it. Just say "Ok, no more dog" and bring the dog. Say "ok no more dog" and really have no more dog. Or say "Listen - this is only every other weekend until December... this is a carefully crafted solution to a problem (no I'm not going to make them read my blog or anything!) and just let us continue 'til then. Windows will be closed, I'll put blankets on bare floors..... we'll be like little mice. And oh. While I have you on the phone... you have the nerve to complain to ME when you wouldn't get rid of the mice in my apt and this dog is the only thing keeping them out?!?" Something like that.

Thoughts? Am I totally screwed? Any of you ever deal with anything like this before? Suggestions?

Reading Blogs

I don't know about you guys, but I have a heck of a time keeping up with all the blogs I subscribe to. I mean what with work and those darn kids and boyfriend getting in the way, I have to actually do stuff instead of sitting and reading!! I use Google Reader & subscribe to.... ohhh.... 148 blogs. (Ok, ok - stop it! I know, I subscribe to too many - it's self-defeating! I get it!)

But still.

If I miss like one day, I have over 300 posts to read. And I don't even know why I subscribe to TMZ or Huffington Post - I NEVER read those... they post about 65 million posts a day & it makes me crazy.

I have issues - or maybe a wee touch of OCD? I hear you thinking that.

But seriously - do you guys just read far fewer? Skim them? What?

I know I don't have to read them all... but I like to.

Maybe all the blog writers just need to take a break one day a week, to give us mere mortals a chance to catch up....?

Maybe I need to get a life? (Don't answer that!)

The Real one!

I just checked & apparently the other post was just a photo of the Great Duck Chase of '07. This is the video. (Short, but a video.)

I'm not sure what the purpose was. I don't know what the purpose was of the entire place - it didn't teach anything except for kids to have absolutely NO respect for animals

Farm Trip

The kids were told to go into the cage and chase the ducks - that the ducks would run all together around the cage. Is that not the most apalling thing you have ever heard of? I mean, I'm far from being an animal rights anything.... but come on!!

Growing....

Some background, I guess, on Nathan & the testing. When he was around 2 his pediatrician noticed that he was below the curve on weight and height. She did some blood work & he tested low for the growth hormone.

Over the years we've had him followed by a pediatric endocrinologist. What it meant was blood tests about every six months, and coming into his office to be weighed and measured. (Nathan. Not me. Thank goodness!)

His hormone level soon came back up, and while it took him a while to make it on to the charts he was always growing. He actually always followed the chart exactly, the same growth rate, just right below...

Last year he had an x-ray of his hand to check his bone age. If the bone age is the same as the age represented in his actual current height weight, that's good. Meaning: his current height/weight is for a 2 year old, and his bone age is also for a two year old - even though he's five. But that's good - means that he'll probably catch up. If his bone age was for a five year old & height weight for a 2 year old, that would be a "problem." (And by problem I need to put this in perspective... the most he would need would be daily hormone shots. It's not life threatening, it's not more invasive than that....)

After that the Dr. pretty much said he was ok & that he didn't need to come any more... but then he tested a bit low on his thyroid - so the Dr suggested the big (FOUR HOUR) test that we did two weeks ago. Even at the test the Dr said he didn't think there was anything... because even though Nathan's small... he hasn't actually ever stopped growing. He said if there was a deficiency, he'd have stopped growing.

So, hopefully that's that. And honestly, while I want my child to be the best and the healthiest he can be... all this testing makes me wonder .... to what end? I mean, subjecting him to all this so he could be a few inches taller? It's not like it's a serious health issue, or anything... And this Dr is actually very conservative with his testing! But it's done - and I actually didn't even have those thoughts until after we went through the 4 hour test and it was so dreadful... if I went back in time & was told to do it again, would I? Put us all through that? Siigghhh.... I'd like to say "no" but I'm not so sure.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are wise, insightful, and brilliant. Your wit is sharp and occasionally hurtful... Revealing your scorn for people with less intelligence. Underneath it all, you feel burdened by the stupidity of humanity. You know what's right in the world, but it's overshadowed by everything that's wrong. People see you as arrogant. While this is partially true, you are also very sensitive.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Ahhhh humanity.... I feel so burdened... y'all are just so stupid! What's up with that?!?! (C'mon, gotta have some fun with this stuff!)

Test Results

I spoke to Nathan's pediatric endocrinologist today & his growth hormone levels are absolutely normal! They're not even low! They are right exactly in range! Hooray!! And what makes this even better is that every other time we've tested the levels it's just been a "regular" blood test. This one was the Big Test - so it's really the final say.

And, can I say how much I love his doctor. This guy is the chief of pediatric endocrinology over at NYU - and he answers his own phone, is kind approachable... and loves my son! He just does. I can see his face light up when he sees him... and what mother doesn't like to see that. (Ok, what mother doesn't like to see that on a non-threatening, not a stranger, male. Anybody else - stay the F away!)

So, just still keeping him the low level of synthroid & just have to bring him back in Dec for a final follow up. Dr. says he's probably have a growth spurt when he's 12 or so. I'll keep you posted.

(Oh my. Would that be a good or a bad thing if I'm still doing this blog in 7 years...?)

Food Glorious Food

So I'm doing this - trying to raise money for the NYC Food Bank. (And there is supposed to be some way to get that button on your website and not have it be just a picture, but link to my donations web page.... But - no - I could not figure it out.

I don't know. I got a Daily Candy email about it -- and it just kind of jumped out at me. (And maybe, perhaps, could be that the fact that there were no walks involved... could have been a bit of the draw. I'm not saying definitely... but COULD have been.....)

But seriously. I like the fact of how only one dollar can provide five meals. So it makes me feel that the little bit that I can afford to donate will actually make a bit of a difference.... So I feel like this is something I can ask other people to donate to as well.

I know, of course, that all the "big" charities are very very very important and worthwhile... but unfortunately I guess I feel like it's kind of like voting. Does my one little bit make a difference? (I know, I know, every little bit counts, it all adds up... but I'm just being honest here! That's how I feel!)

So - I hope the link works. And I hope that you'll think to maybe donate a few dollars....

Hmmm, where to begin...

Gosh. Ya know, I'm not even sure.... Guess I'll just do chronological. (If you care.)

Tuesday after Hebrew School Max came over to me and said: "Mom, you know the reason why I don't like to go to Hebrew School is that Daddy doesn't get to spend enough time with us. It takes away his time with us. Daddy was saying this to me and he actually had a tear in his eye!! A tear!! And I had one too, 'cause Mom - I want to spend more time with Daddy... and that's why: NO Hebrew School on Sundays!!" And walks away.

I was errr..... just a little bit stunned. How DARE X use our CHILD! To manipulate him like that? To put him in the middle! I bit my tongue (because oh how much did I want to say "And yes, Max - that's why your Dad told me to pick you up at 8 am last week... because he really wants to spend more time with you?!? And that's why he just said to me "Why don't you and J take the boys to their friend's party on Sunday - I don't have a car, don't want to go.") because it was so hard not to be put on the defensive, and just said: "Max. Your father can see you any time he wants. Any time. You are right here. Not in another country. Right here. And you are going to Hebrew School on Sundays. That's it"

Now, before you get as riled up as I did, I spoke to X and he denies ever saying anything to Max. I asked how come Max repeated what he always says - nearly word for word - and he had no answer. I told him that IF he did not say anything to Max, then he needs to be careful to see where Max is when he talks.... I'm not so sure. X is a jerk, but not usually a liar... But....

Then, X and I are talking on Wednesday. He's taking the kids overnight, for the first weeknight overnight since he moved in with his girlfriend... so I'd say about a year. I mentioned about lunch. (You all remember about how he never made the kids lunch?) And he said he didn't have anything to give the boys for lunch Thursday. Calmly I said: "Yes, well, you've known about this for a week. Go out and get food. Or ask your girlfriend to pick some stuff up. Or she stays with them and you go out. There are two of you. It's easy. I don't have that luxury." (Ok, I didn't add the luxury part. Almost. But stopped.)

I then told him exactly. Exactly. To the T. Each and every item I put in the boys lunches. Max: Sandwich, yogurt, juice box and snack. Nathan, Sandwich (only peanut butter or cream cheese), yogurt, juice box and either fruit gummy or fruit roll up. And Nathan needs a mid-day snack, and Nathan's mid day snack cannot make crumbs - so I give him a juice box and a yogurt drink. I mentioned that I'd been giving Nathan these Yo Crunch yogurts. They are a regular sized yogurt and he's been eating the whole thing! They come with mini M&M toppings, so that's why he eats it. X is all " Candy" Candy in his food? What do you feed him? He only eats nuggets!" Keeping my calm I mentioned that if he is able to get Nathan to eat anything else to please let me know... I'd love to hear suggestions. He said that his girlfriend COOKS and that Nathan does eat... but declined to give specifics. (Hmmmm) He then called me Brittney. I hung up.

Why it should upset me that the man with the worst parenting instincts on the planet calls me Brittney I don't know. Should have just laughed it off... but it pissed me right off!

THEN!! THEN! Just when you thought it could get no worse!!! We (unfortunately) had to talk again about the kids' homework. I told X that Max was using an article from Times Kids for his current events. That newspaper articles were just a little bit too much for him (Newspapers being on an 8th grade level and him only being in 2nd grade and all...and don't get me started as to why his teacher has 2nd graders reading regular newspapers....) X had actually printed out an article from Al Jazeera for Max. Uh huh. "Oh, he can read it." Yes, but how much can he comprehend?

Then goes on to say: "Max says to me that he's in the top ten at school, and I ask him why he's not in the top three?" !!!!!!!!!!!! I say "Ummm, I don't know where Max gets that from, there is no ranking.... there is no way he could possibly know something like that and it seems to me that he's probably just looking for some approval from you... and it would be great if you could just say: 'Max! Top ten! That's wonderful!" X says "No. I'm going to ask him why he's not number one." And he's not kidding. And that upset me most of all.

X is with them like he was with me. Never happy. Always critical. Always having unreal expectations and then insulting when not meeting them.... I mean, that poor boy was just how I was..... saying "Look at me! Look what I'm doing! I'm doing so well!" And not getting any affirmation for it, any approval... just "it's not good enough."

The bastard. It just makes me so want to cry.

So when people ask me why I don't want the kids to go to him.... that's why. I'd rather go crazy and have them with me all the time than have them deal with his crap.

Green Meadows Farm

Went with Max on a school trip. It was to a "Farm Museum" which really didn't show a working farm, but just allowed the children to terrorize the animals. (Note the hiding sheep...) But it was nice for me to go, since I don't really get to see Max with his friends so often... or in his "school environment."

Going on the bus

I love this.... Together. The two of them....

Try to remember

the kind of September, when life was slow, and oh, so mellow....

Yeah. Right. Not this one, that's for sure. I am so very glad to see the last day of that month - I can tell you! (And I am, aren't I?)

The month started out with the dogs....a kinda calm, well thought out way to start off the month that school starts? Dontcha think? The month where I lose the babysitter, housekeeper, lifesaver, I've had for the past four years. The month where I have to take my kids to their bus or school each morning, getting in a little bit late every day. Yeah. Smart one there, having those dogs here right before this major life transition. Please. Feel free to remind me of this anytime you see/hear me sounding at all smug or responsible.

Then there was the start of school.... Trying to figure out the bus and getting the kids there without a sitter... and Nathan. Crying every day. Every night. Clinging to me. Sobbing. "I don't want to go to school! It's so big!!" Oy. And of course I know that most children go through something like this at some time in their lives... but... mine never had. This was my first time. Why didn't any of you tell me how horrible it is?!?! Like you're throwing your kids to the lions with nary a care! "Here! Off you go! Into the big school with all new teachers and kids and stuff!"

Then work. I took off the first week of Sept to get the kids set up - which was a good idea.... but of course work backs up when you're out. I go back to work on a short work week (Rosh Hashanah). It's a crazy week. Ok, I manage to save a life or two... but....it was tough. Then there was the client who became ill, the clients who just would not leave me alone. The clients, the clients, the clients. It was tough. It was stressful at work AND stressful at home. And I have to say, I hadn't ever had that before... usually it's one or the other. And that's STILL going on. Not looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

And then there's X. Remember him? Well, I have to say ,he's actually asking to see the boys more. He's going to take them over night every other Wednesday & then take them for dinner the others. Of course there was a stipulation. I have to split the cost of the cab for him to take them to school Thursday morning. It will cost me about $10. Figure it'll be worth it. And, the man who is just craving more time with his kids... well... they were with him this past weekend & I called him to see if I could get them earlier on Sunday. We were going to J's parents' for Sukkot & were worried that I wouldn't be back in time to get the kids. So, I asked if I could pick Max up from Hebrew school at 12:30 then swing by to get Nathan. I really figured he'd say "no." I mean, he was all upset about Hebrew school taking away his precious time... so I thought well, he's not going to give them up so early in the day. So. Guess what he said when I asked? Guess. Ahhh, you guys probably already know. You seem to know him better than I do. He said "How about you pick Max up and bring him to Hebrew School and take Nathan then, too." So. I was worried he wouldn't give them up at 12:30... and he was offering me them on a platter at 8 am.

And, just because a post isn't complete without another X tidbit... Max gets in the car and is all: "I don't want to go to Hebrew School. It's for babies." Now, he had been going regularly for the past few weeks & was really pretty ok with it.... Sooooo..... upon further exploration... "Well, Daddy says it's for babies." !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said, "you know what - boring I could accept - it does get boring - but for babies?!?! You're learning another language! How is that for babies?!?" Divorce Agreement: "Father agrees to verbally support and transport to Hebrew School two out of the three times he has them." I friggin knew it. I knew it enough to put it into the agreement... but.... right. Been through that already. For now I'm just going to let it go. Ignore it. I just can't deal.
Friday Nathan had his Growth Hormone Stimulation Test. This was the four hour test at the hospital. He had to fast from the night before and could not eat until the test was over: 1:00 pm. For some reason I thought this was just purely blood work... that they're just taking samples.. but no. They give these meds to stimulate the growth hormone. (Did I ever really HEAR the name of the test?!?) These meds, pumped into my little boy's body, made him drowsy, lowered his blood pressure... and just made him miserable. It was hard. It was really hard. J was there with me... (I knew I couldn't stomach 5 hours alone with X...) and of course I felt guilty about not really pushing X to come (told him once, never reminded him...) and was worried that he'd be upset when I told him about it after the test. Was he? Actually, I'm kind of even embarrassed to admit it, because again I'm sure you all knew before me. No. He was not. Did not say a word about "Why wasn't I there.." or anything.

So, now we have to wait for the results... and if the hormone is low he'll need an MRI of his pituitary gland... Oy again.

But, let me end this massive depressing tome with some good stuff. Things are starting to work. Things are starting to fit together. Max has... POOF! Grown up! He is involved in his school work. He is vested in it. His handwriting is even better. He sits down, does his homework.... is proud of what he does! And Nathan, comes home, goes into his back pack, takes his homework out & sits down and does it!

And the mood... the mood in my place is somehow more relaxed... I can't explain it, but I actually think that because the old sitter was SO regimented... it made us all more tense? Or maybe because this new sitter really Pays Attention to my boys when she's with them. Like she reads their Pokemon cards with them, she does Light Saber battles with them... and I come home and they're not bathed, they not fed.... but they're happy. All three of them are sitting on the couch together watching tv. My old sitter would have been in the other room on her cell phone. (Granted my house would have been spotless, but.....) So it's good. It works.

And we made it through September.



And I wanted to put photos in this, but friggin' blogger just makes it so difficult!!!